Asperger's Dad

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Being the father of fraternal twin girls, I have long known that Noor was "different." It has come to light in the last couple of years that she is likely living with Asperger's. We've had several discussions with school staff and with our permission they have been testing her. So far, the indicators are very strongly pointing at Asperger's. When I read accounts from other parents of kids with Asperger's their stories sound a lot like mine. We'll know "for sure" next month, but in a lot of ways I think I already knew.

Noor is just the sweetest kid. She's often my buddy on Saturday afternoons, my wife taking her sister on at the store that we own We work on projects around the house and play games and make art and whatever else. I have been trying to not "cure" her but just help her understand better how the NTs of the world operate so that she can find her own way of interacting with them. In my eyes, she has a perfectly fine way of seeing the world, it's just that a lot of people who don't see the world her way do not understand her at all, and social isolation has resulted.

She's had some bumps. Just last week she lashed out at a kid and then threatened to punch her teacher and ended up getting a half-day suspension. The teacher and the principal have been in on our discussions regarding Noor, but they cannot have kids threatening violence at teachers.

My wife has always been considered a bit "off-beat" as well, and, reflecting, we're not totally convinced that she was NT when she was a little girl either. For that matter, I am not sure that her mother or grandmother were NT either.

While I am likely NT (I guess the jury is still out on that one, too, LOL), I am trying to do everything I can to help Noor have an easier time in the wider world. I have been trying some role-playing with situations that seem to come up a lot, such as the ones where some kid teases her and she overreacts to the point of throwing a huge tantrum or crying or threatening violence. I have been reading some of the topics here and I feel that I have a lot to learn and something to share, too.

Thanks,
Adam

To WrongPlanet!! !

You might want to check out the Parents' Discussion forum.

Welcome Adam. Noor is an interesting name and it sounded familiar to me, then I realized why. At the beginning of The Kite Runner, a novel written by an Afghan writer, there's some text indicating "to Faris [not sure] and Hannah, both the noor of my eyes, and to the children of Afghanistan."

Well that explains it all then. Thanks for the explanation.

You're welcome.

Continuing the theme, I was going to simply be "Adam" here but that name was taken. Abu Noor would be an Arabic kunya for "Father of Noor," an honorific title. I thought it was appropriate here since Noor is my daughter.

The Middle East is such a fascinating region. What I think of firstly is the Iranian New Wave which has produced some of the finest film in the world today. I've also read books about their societies which were interesting too. Well, so much to say, really.

The Lebanese cuisine was once recommended to me but I've never got around to it; I've tended more towards far Eastern foods.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Hello Adam, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!

Hi Adam. ^^

Noor's behaviour is unfortunately, quite common with Aspies. As she grows, the violence will diminish, and lessen in intensity as well. For example, when she will reach my age, this is how I interpret how a situation would be like - She will get angry over someone's actions, and say something that will ruin that relationship. For example, one day, few years back, a close friend of mine kept making excuses to return the jacket and book he borrowed from me (months ago). I got angry and said that I can't trust him, and that he's a klepto. He just took another thing he wanted and I haven't seen him since.

It's best you treat the root of the problem - fear, rather than violence. Aspies generally have a 'fright or flight' mechanism which can make them break down in fear, or blindly fight without considering the social outcome. Although it does diminish with age, it persists. The best treatment is to train her to find a way out of compromising situations without causing trouble either to herself or others. The younger, the better.

That is my interpretation anyway.

Welcome aboard! ^^

Khan Sama,

Thank you for your insights.

I am trying to help her think about ways of handling situations that step back a bit from the "fight or flight" brink. I thank you for your help.

Adam

You're most welcome. ^^

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/47666.php

You'll find this article interesting. The amygdala is what prevents fear. As aspies have lesser neurons in the amygdala, this behaviour occurs. It can be treated, however, with training. Many aspies overcome their inhibitions, I don't see why your daughter can't.

Thank you for that information.

Noor's amygdala then seems to react intensely sometimes (what an NT might consider an overreaction) and react not at all at other times. For example, she used to be frightened of elevators to the point where I would wait for an unoccupied car because I knew she was going to scream the whole way.

In another situation, though, she let a drunk person we don't know into the house once while I was in the bathroom because "he needed help."

I have explained to people who ask that when that other kid made a face at her, she probably took it as a threat to her very safety, and that's why she reacted with a threat of violence.

People who know her ask if this is the same kid who used to try to run out into the street just for fun.

Welcome to WP!

I hope you find what you're looking for here. Take good care!