Run for your lives, it's another flippin' newbie!!

Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

S-P-M-E
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 83

23 Apr 2010, 2:46 am

Greetings all!! :D

There are many points on the Aspie spectrum. As an introduction to me, I'll tell you where *I* am in that wide range:

I can have a very interesting and enjoyable conversation with a person where we're sharing our views, some in agreement and some not, in a pleasant and mature way... and suddenly they're frothing at the mouth and hurling personal insults, and I have absolutely no idea why. Even when the convo takes place on a forum and I can go back and re-read everything that was said, I STILL don't see what happened. In the rare instances when I've been able to talk to the person afterwards, it typically goes like this:


Me: What happened?
Them: You wouldn't stop arguing!!
Me: YOU wouldn't stop arguing either, but I didn't start insulting you. Where did the insults come from?
Them: You wouldn't stop arguing!!
Me: Neither would YOU. Why is it ok that YOU kept arguing, but MY arguing meant that it was ok to get personal?
Them: Well... but.. but you wouldn't stop arguing!!
Me: Neither would YOU. Why didn't YOU stop arguing?
Them: YOU needed to stop arguing!!
Me: Why me and not you?
Them: Well... but... I just wanted you to stop arguing!!
Me: And you thought insults were a constructive way to do that?
Them: Well... I was just frustrated that you wouldn't stop arguing!!


And so on. And so on. And so on. They never come up with any reason for their determination to force me to "stop arguing," or for why THEY didn't stop arguing, or for why it was necessary for ME and only me to stop, or for why they stooped to personal insults, or why they got so rabid about a simple discussion about an impersonal topic in the first place. Eventually they get so agitated by this line of questioning that even *I* can see that I need to drop it.

From this I have deduced that "normal" people have some sort of sense, even online with no facial expressions or body language or pheromones or whatever the heck it is they signal each other with to go by, of when they need to pivot in tandem and move on to something else. There's a magic # of times you can re-assert your adherence to your opinion before the other person becomes convinced that you need to stop "arguing"and let their opinion "win"; I have no idea what that # is. :doh: My coping mechanism for this is to only let a discussion go a couple of rounds before I veer off the topic; this allows everyone to give their opinion and their reaction to the other person's opinion without any chance of entering "you wouldn't stop arguing" territory.

Does this work differently in a group of Aspies? I'd welcome any ideas on that from established members. I'd love to be able to have real, full discussions on any sort of topic... but if I can't, to be able to describe basic aspects of my life to a group many of whom will understand, and perhaps even relate, will still be more than enough reward for me to participate here.

I look forward to getting to know you, my metaphorical brethren. :flower:


_________________
If my screen name doesn't make sense, read it out loud.

In a rational world, those who act in rational ways would be considered normal, and those who act in irrational ways that they somehow decided were "right" would be the freaks.


Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,656
Location: Houston, Texas

23 Apr 2010, 2:57 am

Welcome to WP!


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


Things
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2010
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 25

23 Apr 2010, 3:01 am

Not just any newbie, it's a FLIPPING newbie. :D

People accuse me of arguing too, when I'm not. Or at least, I'm not trying to. When someone gives a suggestion or something, I always ask every possible "what if" to that suggestion. Then they assume I'm arguing/dismissing them. Am I making any sense?



S-P-M-E
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 83

23 Apr 2010, 3:55 am

You're making total sense. I like to get all the info too... why would anyone ever NOT want to know all the possibilities? To me, curiosity is just a sign of intelligence, not a form of arguing.

Hi Tim_Tex!! :alien:


_________________
If my screen name doesn't make sense, read it out loud.

In a rational world, those who act in rational ways would be considered normal, and those who act in irrational ways that they somehow decided were "right" would be the freaks.


Scientist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,524
Location: The Netherlands

23 Apr 2010, 4:11 am

Hello S-P-M-E, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!


_________________
1975, ASD: Asperger's Syndrome (diagnosed: October 22, 2009)

Interests: science, experimental psychology, psychophysics, music (listening and playing (guitar)) and visual arts

Don't focus on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths


S-P-M-E
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 83

23 Apr 2010, 4:17 am

Thank you Scientist!! :sunny:

What do you think would've happened if Milgram or Zimbardo had tested Aspies?


_________________
If my screen name doesn't make sense, read it out loud.

In a rational world, those who act in rational ways would be considered normal, and those who act in irrational ways that they somehow decided were "right" would be the freaks.


Things
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2010
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 25

23 Apr 2010, 7:24 am

S-P-M-E wrote:
You're making total sense. I like to get all the info too... why would anyone ever NOT want to know all the possibilities? To me, curiosity is just a sign of intelligence, not a form of arguing.

Hi Tim_Tex!! :alien:


THANK YOU! That's exactly what I'm trying to tell people! XD Nice to know someone understands.



LostAlien
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,577

23 Apr 2010, 8:25 am

I like the thread title, it made me lol. :)

I can't remember being in a situation like you discribed but the world requires variety for things to be interesting (personal opinion). Welcome S-P-M-E.



JetLag
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Aug 2008
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,044
Location: California

23 Apr 2010, 10:43 am

Greetings, and welcome to the Wrong Planet neighborhood, S-P-M-E.


_________________
Stung by the splendor of a sudden thought. ~ Robert Browning


AspieForty
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 568
Location: North Carolina, USA

23 Apr 2010, 11:05 am

S-P-M-E wrote:
And so on. And so on. And so on. They never come up with any reason for their determination to force me to "stop arguing," or for why THEY didn't stop arguing, or for why it was necessary for ME and only me to stop, ....the other person becomes convinced that you need to stop "arguing"and let their opinion "win";


Aspies tend to focus on topics of their peculiar interest and become very good at them.
So, perhaps instead of attempting to make sense out of the absurdity and illogical nature of neurotypicals, your aspie-sense of logic combined with a stern butt-whooping better explains their "disturbed" reaction.

Aspies come off as "rude, insensitive, etc." on adjectives and are not liked (while at the same time, passive, vulnerable, easy-prey, the underdog, the omega wolf... the patsy... the doormat, and that's "your place" in the social hierarchy, can't you see???) but us Aspies just aren't on that planet with their "pecking orders" and alpha/beta/omega heirarchies... and in brutal Aspie honesty / logic / very LITERAL analytical thinking... they're often correct and it "offends" the heck out of people. I guess even, "Wisdom from the mouths of babes," can apply here.

"Even if you're a minority of one, a truth is a truth."
- Gandhi

In this case, you sniffed out somebody who is over-sensitive, has anger-management issues and too quick-tempered and has a real deficit in the area of diplomacy. They wouldn't have came to insults had they been half as "correct" as they pretend to be. And with neurotypicals, keep in mind, its almost always about "pretending" to be what they're not. /*Sucks thumb* -- I'm always suppose to win but got my butt stomped on a public forum/ :twisted:

GOOD FOR THEM to learn a much-deserved lesson! and welcome. Image


_________________
3/3 children diagnosed Asperger/PDD-NOS(2009-2010)
http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/f/
Aspie+PTSD http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt125554.html don't/won't dwell on it
"Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium, My Work Here Is Done."


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 103,418
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

23 Apr 2010, 1:15 pm

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp. :)


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


richie
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2007
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 32,003
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania

23 Apr 2010, 3:23 pm

ImageTo WrongPlanet!! !Image


_________________
Life! Liberty!...and Perseveration!!.....
Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.....
My Blog: http://richiesroom.wordpress.com/


xalepax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2009
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,917

23 Apr 2010, 4:40 pm

Hey S-P-M-E,
Your thread title is absolutely hilarious, got my attention emediately. Gave me no reason to run for my life at all, lol :D
You seem to be a cool person, I hope you like WP and find it useful.
As for me, I argue when I feel threatened. This happened the other week when my workconsultants was scewing with my excistence....uh :wall:


_________________
hi


S-P-M-E
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 83

23 Apr 2010, 5:00 pm

Thanks!! I think lots of people argue when they feel threatened; it's certainly better than grovelling, fleeing, cowering in fear, or beating the threateners up, though perhaps not as satisfying as the latter might be. :wink:

AspieForty, that was a very impressive analysis!! Thank you for graciously not focusing on how I might be at fault in those situations.

And thank you to everyone who's taking the time to welcome me, it's greatly appreciated!! :viking:


_________________
If my screen name doesn't make sense, read it out loud.

In a rational world, those who act in rational ways would be considered normal, and those who act in irrational ways that they somehow decided were "right" would be the freaks.


AspieForty
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 568
Location: North Carolina, USA

23 Apr 2010, 8:13 pm

S-P-M-E wrote:
AspieForty, that was a very impressive analysis!! Thank you for graciously not focusing on how I might be at fault in those situations.


One of my fave Aspie topic obsessions is human psychology... my God!! I have spent my entire life dedicated to trying to figure out why NT's are crazy and never made any sense. Sadly 9/10 you can arrive to a correct conclusion about why people do things they do, I emphasize sadly by watching behaviors of WILD ANIMALS.

As Gene Kelly put it "Darwin was wrong. Man is still an ape."

"Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level, then beat you with experience"
- Unknown


_________________
3/3 children diagnosed Asperger/PDD-NOS(2009-2010)
http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/f/
Aspie+PTSD http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt125554.html don't/won't dwell on it
"Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium, My Work Here Is Done."