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Indigo
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Joined: 18 May 2006
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19 May 2006, 7:08 pm

Hello. My mom found this site (lae). Some of you have spoken to her. I am a 25 year old single mom in college. Intros aren't my thing but I will try. My mom told me about Aspergers last week. I was skeptical at first. I started reading and I kept saying "oh my god, that's me!" so I read more. As I read more my shock and amazement grew! This is the best description of me that I have ever heard. I have been lost in this world for 25 years. i have been telling people for years that i feel like a different species of human or like I am from another planet. I feel like everyone else had this orientation as a kid that taught them all of the basics of life. Things like how to act, what to say, how to be normal. I missed that orientation. All of the things that come so naturally to everyone else don't come to me. I have had to teach myself how to mimic "normal" people. To copy behavior. I am actually pretty good at it but it's still an act and the act emotionally and physically drains me. After a lot of my fake social interaction I feel like I ran a marathon.

When I was a child I was ...well... weird. I thought that I was acting like everyone else but my peers quickly pointed out that I was not like them. I was tortured by my peers. I hated school. I hated the other kids and worst of all I hated myself for being so different. By the time I was 12 I made a decision. Figure out how to be normal or kill myself. I just couldn't take any more abuse. I invented an identity for myself, like a role in a play, and I started acting. It was really hard to do at first but it actually worked. I am pleased with the results but the scars of my past still remain.

My social identity is still a work in progress. I wish I could be accepted for who I really am but in the real world I get ahead by blending in. I do get away with being some what "unconventional'. People just think that I am creative, and artsy. They don't realize how hard i am actually trying to be normal. I write poetry, draw, paint, sing, and get into theater. I love punk rock. The nice thing about the punk scene is that you really can get away with being unusual and still be accepted. Not to mention the music is intelligent, meaninful, and deep. (like Aspergers) It's not superficial and based on popularity (like "normal" people) and mainstream music.

So I took the quiz for Aspergers. I apparantly fit the diagnosis. I am currently looking for a professional diagnosis for myself and my daughter. So is my mom. i am so glad that we found this site! I have felt so alone in this all of my life. It has been very confusing, painful, lonely, and frightening. No-one has ever understood. I have spent my whole life searching for answers and wishing that somewhere there were people just like me. i used to wish that I was actually a super-evolved humanoid from another planet and i had been left on Earth accidentally by my people and that someday they were going to find me and take me home to our planet. I used to stare up at the night sky and imagine that one of the stars I saw was my real home. It's quite ironic that this site is called "Wrong Planet". I hope that i have finally found my people and that this is my "right" planet.



phoenixjsu
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Joined: 14 May 2006
Age: 45
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19 May 2006, 8:45 pm

Hey Indigo, I'm John. I'm a little older than you and like you I discovered AS not to long back. My story essentially mirrors yours, except that I didn't begin striving to be normal until the 10th grade. And if any kids made fun of me before this, I didn't know as I was SO introverted that I really had little idea what was going on around me.

Like you, I've come a long way. My career goals included a job in law enforcement, so I had to learn to hide it pretty well, but I've always known I was different (If anything, my career choice highlighted this).

I'm currently seeing a specialist about this and I hope you have good luck finding one yourself. I hope to see you around here. :wink:



TigerFire
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20 May 2006, 5:12 pm

Hello Indigo I'm younger then you and I found I had AS as of last year. I'm Josh by the way.


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alex
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20 May 2006, 5:16 pm

Welcome to the site ! What do you study in college?


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Raph522
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20 May 2006, 5:24 pm

Hi i'm kim. How many kids do you have?