Old Canadian, planet saver type

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When my mother was dying 5 years ago, my NT sister was still trying to get her to do regular mother stuff. I'd had some theories from studying dysfunctional families, etc, but did more reading, and finally discovered AS, which we both had/have. Too late for her, but her life plan had been to deny her oddities anyway. Her last words to me were "Don't call me, I'll call you." She was probably worried that I was about to start talking about God.

Finally having an understanding of my basic differences made me bolder about being myself, expecting to be understood. Instead, I was soon facing a disaster, with my landlady tormenting me with my phobia and everyone I asked for help just taking advantage of me. I had to move to where houses are cheap just so I could sleep enough to begin to recover. Not one of my old friends has taken the trouble to understand why I left. I've told them to stop trying to carry on a relationship until they stop ignoring my huge changes.

I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday, after advising another guy to stop trying to talk logic to a perpetual-motion cult group. I've hit snags several times when I've been feeling particularly crazy, expecting people to understand me because the logic of my situation was obvious. I realized that life evolved so that everything works fine with no logical consciousness at all. It is just an overlay on a complex, language-using brain, and even though I use logic to navigate through life, for many people it is just a rhetorical style, with no underlying structure.

I have operated on instinct some times, but logic is what brought me some acclaim for designing a spectacular prototype velomobile. I had expected to find a business partner from the publicity, but got decades of run-around instead. I've always resisted using a lot of creative energy on personal relationships, but maybe I can learn to compartmentalize my logical work, to recover the attention I used to give it, and run the social stuff mostly on the cortex. Since studying sociobiology, I've observed a lot of baboon-like behaviour dressed up with rationalizations and a smokescreen of gossip. Maybe as long as I just try to act like a pleasant monkey, I can stop worrying about analyzing the details, and shrug off the surprises easier.

I never could have worded all of that as you have, yet I definitely do see the same.

Personally, I still find "to act like a pleasant [and status-quo-content] monkey" disgusting in more than one way ... so here I sit.

Personally, I still find "to act like a pleasant [and status-quo-content] monkey" disgusting in more than one way ... so here I sit.[/quote]

I used to feel that "manners" were social slavery, and dishonest too. Now, I see them as handy guidelines for navigating unknown waters. Nobody really knows what is going on with me, and I'm often missing information or empathy about others. There just isn't time to properly understand most people we deal with, so manners are handy guidelines to avoid clashes. If you act extra nice, it is often a waste, but sometimes people rise to the occasion and pretend to deserve it, or do you some kind of favour. Maybe they tell other people that you "arn't so bad" when your name comes up in private conversations.

Ah yes ... maybe I misunderstood ... or maybe I still balk too much at being "mannerly" when doing so seems to me pretentious.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, Dear_one.

All very intellectual and difficult for me to understand - but I think I can relate to the logic bit. Logic is the only thing in the univers that makes sense - but with humans - it just doesn't seem to apply. How can anyone understand human relations when there is little or no logic involved?

Am I on the right page or am I completely misunderstanding?

A very special Welkome to WrongPlanet, with a K.

The WP Kink

Should we move this over to the Philosophy section?
I'm starting to call us Homo Deceptivus. The reasons for our actions are often hidden. We are inclined that way because children remain dependent for many years, and do better with two parents as providers, but evolution and genetic health work best with some extra genes mixed in. Thus, in almost every culture, about 10% of the children are misinformed about the identity of their fathers. This is a source of endless drama in most relationships. We have laws to curb many of our primitive urges, but they are often regarded as just another obstacle to game around. Reading sociobiology has helped me understand human relations a lot better. However, that only helps strategy. It takes far too long to be used in tactical situations. Part of the problem is that the risks are so intermittent. It is often quite safe to be with Pirhana or Lions, but you have to know when they are hungry, and stay away. Many people will pass up plenty of opportunities to steal, but regularly pick off the very best opportunities, while remaining "above suspicion." Co-operation is usually the best way for people to relate, but loyalty vanishes when there's a major prize to be had.

Ok - Homo Deceptivus - I have plenty of reasons to believe that!! ! I've read a number of things to try to understand human relations but never sociobiology. Why does being dependent on parents for many years make us inclined to keep the reasons for our actions hidden? Have they produced a 'Sociobiology For Dummies' yet?

Sorry, that was misleading. The amount of child care we need requires two parents or an extended family, and 10% of the time, that involves fooling a man about him being the parent of another man's child. Occasional infidelity helps to reduce inbreeding, etc. There was a dramatic decline in the numbers of "village idiots" when bicycles increased the geographical range of courtship. Where divorced men are required to provide child support, women have taken advantage of their options to the extent that over 30% of payments are for other men's children.
I got my sociobiology from articles in popular journals. Anything mentioning E.O. Wilson is a good prospect.

Hmmmm - guess I'm just stuck with not understanding anything much - including why I am here breathing in and out!! !

Welcome!