New to the forum and looking for support/advice.

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I just registered for this forum to look for some advice and support for my Asperger's/ASD. I got done reading Dr. Tony Atwood's book on Asperger's Syndrome (The...Guide to Asperger's or something to that affect) a couple months ago. I wanted to read it because I've always felt different from "normal" people even as a little kid. For most of the book it was as if the author followed me around for my entire life and wrote a book about it. I couldn't believe it. My cousin told me a story about how when I was about five or six he took me to the zoo and I was more interested in the cigarette butts and ants on the ground then the animals. My Mom said my preschool teacher told her I never really socialized with kids and was always off doing things by myself. When I did do things with other kids, I had to be the one in control. I find it extremely difficult to make friends and socialize/connect with others. I've never really dated and am still a virgin.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I'm 31 years old and have been experiencing what I can only describe as meltdowns. Small inconveniences can trigger emotional outbursts from me. Earlier today I was trying to install new maps on my GPS and was having difficulty. I took a break and tried to find what channel this new TV show called 'The River' is on and I wasn't finding it on the TV Guide. I got extremely mad and started yelling and swearing and I threw the remote onto the couch a couple times. I scared the dogs and cats and they left the room frightened. I wondered if the neighbors next door could hear me. Afterwards, I started experiencing guilt and remorse over how foolish I had acted and started replaying the scene over and over in my mind imagining how immature I must've looked to anyone who would've been there. Time and time again I seem to repeat this cycle of meltdowns leading to self-recrimination and guilt. My father is an alcoholic and I exhibit some of his behavior when he's been drinking. This doesn't help my self-esteem any because I compare myself to him and I don't feel like a very nice person. The thing that's so weird about these outbursts is that it's like I HAVE to do it to get it out of my system even though I know I'm going to regret it afterwords.

I'm looking for others out there who've experienced meltdowns like this would like some advice for how you deal with these situations. Have you found a way to reduce your outbursts using certain techniques? I should add that I haven't been officially diagnosed with an ASD disorder but I'm almost certain I have one. I scored a 37 on an online version of the Baren-Cohen autism test and I pretty much fit Dr. Atwood's book on Asperger's. I know there's a lot of knowledge out there and am eager to hear others experiences.

Brad

Welcome to WP!

Welkome to WP

Mick

Welcome.

Redacted

Welcome

HI and thanks for the response. There aren't really any major life issues that I'm aware of that are unresolved because of me. I'm currently waiting for a disability hearing because I also have other mental illnesses like bipolar and generalized anxiety disorder. If you're from the USA and are trying to get or are on disability then you know that dealing with the disability process makes having dental work done seem like a walk in the park. So that is an underlying stressor that is always there. I'm still waiting on a hearing date and I applied back in November of 2009. Living on a stipend of $200 a month from my mother is also rough, but she pays the rent on my apartment and other stuff. I'm not one to ignore small problems until they grow into big ones. I don't tolerate stress very well at all so I like to take care of things when they first become problems so they don't escalate.