Proud Mum of ASD son who's "just like his mother"

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Inkarna
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23 Jan 2013, 6:42 pm

Hi there, I found wrong planet in the week my son got his official autism diagnosis on his 3rd birthday. It was through the you tube channel and I have to say you lot are awesome. I went from feeling worried about my sons future to going f it he'll be fine. Just for the record he was diagnosed as mild-moderately Autistic (not Aspie or PDD-NOS) and had limited language with the meltdowns and social challenges associated with a very young ASD kid.

What had me stumped was that so much of his "Autistic" traits were just revved up versions of my own. If I was uncomfortable with the crowds of the shops he was in melt down for example. So to me when it was just the two of us hanging out at home he was a perfectly 'normal' child it was only when other people were around or I was trying to do 'normal mummy stuff' that things went wrong. The other thing that had me confused is all the "your child doesn't actually love you" talk, my little man has empathy and love and genuine emotions - just don't expect them when he is struggling to deal with a billion sounds/smells/rules and other people all at the same time. To be honest my 'normal' husband and daughter are much more work and baffling.

In the year since his diagnosis I have discovered that I have Pyroluria (a quick search on the board showed only a few mentions of it) as does my son and now it looks like my daughter has it as well. We have dramatically changed our diet and lifestyle with a big emphasis on back to basics and simple living. I have the whole family on the same GFCF diet and found out that the kids and I all reacted to gluten and dairy so that's made a big difference. My kids language has improved and we are finding new ways of doing things that suit us.

As much as it would be nice to have an official yes/no on if I am or am not on the spectrum everything I know of myself and what I have read about it indicates that I am if anything one of those tricky female aspies that have learnt really well to hide it. I'm sure you've come across Dr Attwood and his work. I would also much rather spend the funds on my kids and getting on with life.

All in all I'm hoping to find out more about living a full life outside of the box, I've tried to do normal but it just doesn't work and I end up miserable. Biggest motivator is to help my son be himself and get the understanding and support he needs. I can't expect him to know how to tell me what he needs but maybe by listening to what others had wished their parents had done differently I can work it out.

So yeah that's a pretty good starting point for an intro. Probably too much but I tend to do that.

Now I'll go back to the sidelines and watch what goes on before I put my foot in it.

Diana

Quick Summary:
I'm an Australian
Mother of 2 one ASD one NT?
Undiagnosed - very aspie like
Have Pyroluria in the family
Dietary Intervention - GFCF
Biomed (not looking for a cure but not freaking out if someone accidentally touches me is a big improvement)
Married to a NT - sure I drive him nuts and he really doesn't get me
Just turned 30
Studied Psychology and Computer Programming
Not working any more - to busy being a Mum and I suck at employment
Very pro ASD :D I genuinely love my kids and their oddities, I've learnt to love my own quirks - the moment I gave up on normal and fighting our natures our lives have improved.



Tim_Tex
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23 Jan 2013, 7:31 pm

Welcome to WP!


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Ramba_Ral
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23 Jan 2013, 8:16 pm

alllllllooooooooo!!



theWanderer
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23 Jan 2013, 8:20 pm

Inkarna wrote:
The other thing that had me confused is all the "your child doesn't actually love you" talk, my little man has empathy and love and genuine emotions - just don't expect them when he is struggling to deal with a billion sounds/smells/rules and other people all at the same time.


What the "experts" can't seem to understand is that they have no idea at all what's going on inside. They watch the exterior, jump to conclusions based on NT standards, and get it all wrong.

Just as we have trouble 'reading' and understanding NTs, they have trouble understanding us. The difference is, they're so used to understanding "everybody" it never even crosses their minds that they might completely misunderstand us. :wall:


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WolfieBoi
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23 Jan 2013, 8:55 pm

Inkarna wrote:
"your child doesn't actually love you"


Is that what they say nowadays? Good gravy.


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noxnocturne
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23 Jan 2013, 10:26 pm

Welcome! :cheers:



Inkarna
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24 Jan 2013, 3:34 pm

Thanks for the welcome everyone - it is appreciated.

theWanderer - that's about the conclusion I've come to as well. There is a failure to understand but its not one way at all. I also get frustrated as they don't ever seem to remember to look at the big picture when things aren't working out for them. I seem to be constantly reminding everyone to focus back in on everything they block out before they wonder why DS isn't responding. I personally feel that the pursuit of any simple/unified/one answer to rule them all approach fails to reflect the beautifully complex reality we see around us.

WolfieBoi - yep I kid you not in the first month of diagnosis I had a few varieties of this "wisdom" from a range of people. The best were.
1) An Aspie Mum with 3 aspie/asd kids online - wow looks like they never stood a chance.
2) The kids normal GP
3) Family Friend
4) An article in a parenting magazine offering advice on adjusting post diagnosis
5) NT mum with a more sever ASD kid who's a friend of mine - she still doesn't see how he looks out the corner of his eyes to check where mum is all the time, though she has noticed that he will come up to baby sister and pat her head affectionately so maybe in time she will see it.

Thankfully I have a brain and could see the flaw in this logic. If you can't reach them and they can't easily communicate just how the heck can you even begin to determine what they feel inside - feelings are such intangible and complex constructs at the best of times. Heck for all anyone actually knows what one person interprets as nerves is another exhilaration or worse one persons indigestion is an others love (that could be funny if they every swapped).



theWanderer
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24 Jan 2013, 3:54 pm

Your son is lucky to have a mother who looks past a single perspective. :)

I fear the rest of the world will try its best to grind you down, of course. :cry:


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Not all those who wander are lost.
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In the country of the blind, the one eyed man - would be diagnosed with a psychological disorder


Inkarna
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24 Jan 2013, 5:19 pm

Thanks for that. Of course they will, they don't want to change their views or see the world differently. That's why I need to keep searching out people who don't think that way. Luckily we live in an IT era or I'd be lost.



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24 Jan 2013, 9:04 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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CockneyRebel
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25 Jan 2013, 7:32 pm

Welkome to WP

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