Am I on the "Wrong Planet"?

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Greetings to whoever reads this little introduction.

After a week of lurking, I have decided to join this forum to gather and pile up more information on Asperger Syndrome. My parents firmly believes that I may be an Aspie, due some of my rather "unusual" behaviors. I have met with a doctor but I have yet to get diagnosed by a professional psychiatrist (I am on a waiting list, could take in-between 8 months to a year until I can see one for free).

Here's a sample list of what my family has told me that is rather off when it comes to me:

- Always locked up in my room, unless I have to go to College.
- Strong interests in console and computer games, programming and arts & crafts.
- Will be more responsive in a conversation if my interests are involved.
- Shy away from conversations that involves a topic that I have no interest in or unfamiliar with.
- No real life friends, only online.
- Very hard time expressing my feelings (most of the time, I just bottle things up out of fear of what others may think, even from my own family).
- Don't like being stared at by strangers.
- I cannot look in other people's eyes or will often look elsewhere when conversing (and I believe that is why I am having a hard time finding a job).
- Walk on my toes (used to be all the time as a kid, now it's much more less but I still do from time to time).

Now, here's a list of things that only I know, since it is too embarassing to mention to the family:

- Self-loathing (and it has recently been more frequent).
- Self-slapping, self-clawing and self-hair pulling (occasionally... thankfully I have the bad habit to chew my nails).
- Tend to silently cry/scream when overwhelmed by negative emotions (and it makes me wonder if this could be a breakdown/meltdown).
- Suck my thumb to reach my comfort zone, I think this may be more than just a bad habit ( and I hate admitting it but it's one way to calm myself down, however I only do it at home).

Like I have mentionned above, this is but a sample. There is more that could be added but I won't.

I am not looking for forumers to diagnose me but, I want to see if some can relate to me by making this list.

Thank you.

Hello Mortavia, welcome to wrongplanet. The first list sounds just like me, can definitely relate to that.
I used to self-harm in the past, but not for a few years, and yes it does seem to calm and provide a sense of release. I have less destructive ways of dealing with things now, a good one for me is going on a long pointless walk.

Absolutely, to just about everything on your list. Sounds like you're in the right place.

Thank you very much for the warm welcome, I appreciate it.

I suppose if I get diagnosed with ASD, it could answer a lot of questions that has been plaguing my mind for years. On one side of the coin, it'll bring me some relief, but on the other side, I'm not sure if I'll be fully accepting.

I have never been in acceptance with myself for a very long time and being diagnosed will probably contribute to more self-hate.

@chiastic_slide: That it somehow does, it helps diminish my anger, frustration, powerlessness, hopelessness and sorrow, whenever it's too overwhelming. It mostly happens whenever I think or know I have failed something or someone very miserably. I suppose I could try your suggestion, especially since I have a dog that needs to be given more walks, I have to admit.

@MjrMajorMajor: I'm glad then. :->

Now if only I could find more information on ASD for adults in my actual location.

*tears hair out*

why the evil or mad face at 'tears hair out'

Lots of us get to that point...it usually passes and if our trichotillomania is not too severe, no one has to know. If we're really bothered about it, well, we can go 'see someone'...sometimes that helps. Sometimes the sensation of pulling at the hair itself helps to release the tension...I don't understand why the evil or mad face?

Anyway, Mortavia - from your self introduction, it seems like you might be on the 'right planet' finally!

MY only concern is that you call it ASD instead of ASC - is your situation truly a disorder or simply a condition? I you do get a diagnosis and find you are on the spectrum, it's just a way of looking at oneself compared to other people. Everyone is unique.

But there are many things one can do to change a disordered state to one that is an acceptable (to oneself first and to others) condition.