I Sing of Myself - My Introduction
Pardon the Whitman reference, but it seemed more appropriate to me than a hello. Hello my name, well, it's not really Obpur, but thats what I'll go by for now. A few years ago, watching TV, there came on a news show talking about the autism 'epidemic.' A couple was talking about their autism and how they didn't want their son to go through the same experience as they had gone through. I was sitting their and going 'These guys aren't autistic! They can talk fine.'
DOH! The show then listed the symptoms for the autistic spectrum, and so began my journey to here. I realized then that I very probably was 'a bit autistic,' but it somehow was shoved into my that I should be ashamed of such a thing, and I was. I was ashamed and hid everything, and went into deep denial. For many years I thought I was insane, and I ultimately removed myself from society, holed up in my parents home for almost three years. I didn't talk to other people, either in person or on the internet. I occasionally talked to my parents, but this usually was just me saying "Whatever." or "I'm fine." Not really an opinion, so much that I wasn't immediately dying, so I was 'fine.'
I have to admit, I'm having trouble knowing if what I'm doing is 'wrong' or not. This speaking on the internet, as strange as some might find it, I'm feeling very anxious and paranoid typing all of this. Has anyone else experienced something like this, this internet anxiety? It is very parallel to my in person anxiety, as I know not what boundaries are expected.
To get off of all this negative stuff, things seem to be going pretty good for me now. I'm going to college now, and though I'm learning how truly hard it is to understand what other people are thinking, I'm still able to go. I was forced out of my comfort zone, came out of my autistic closet, and it's allowed me to establish a new comfort zone. I'm no longer ashamed to be on the autistic spectrum, to have Asperger's, I'm no longer 'truly' ashamed to be myself. I'm in a deep process of self-reform, and I have to undo the shame and anxiety I have developed through the years.
Hopefully this isn't as selfish a tirade as it appears to me to be, but, ugh, I can't let my anxiety prevent me from living. On a side note, I wouldn't feel respectful if I didn't explain that I am self-diagnosed, and that when it comes to any diagnosis, well, anything, really, that I encourage a reasonable dose of skepticism.
Thanks for reading, -Obpur
larsenjw92286
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Joined: 30 Aug 2004
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,062
Location: Seattle, Washington
Welcome to this great community!
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anyway, hi, and I hope you enjoy posting here!
Obpur,
Welcome and lighten up, WP is great, AS is no big thing, this is the secret party place. We have all felt as you do. We have so much in common, and we all thought we were the only one. 10,000 members here.
I came here, and for the first time in my life it all made sense, I understand everyone, they have quite a range. we are not disabled, defective, sick, ret*d, we just run on a higher wavelength. Many here are very bright by any standard. The computer, internet, and operating system were all made by aspies, so feel free to use it.
Childhood and the teen years are the worst, you are past that. As for what people are thinking, most of the time they are not. That is why they are hard to figure. Whatever you are, there are a lot more around here. college student, early twenties? We got them!
I am about three times that age. Aspies do grow up, adults are a lot less social, they get married, and from what I can tell aspies stay married. Altogether it is a good life, and we improve with age. We are not less, we have extra.
So be a lurker, or come out and speak. Short of personal attacks, extreme profanity, and such, all is allowed. About half this place is self Dxed, and this is the only place they ever fit in, so they must be right.
AS, no cause, no treatment, no cure, no two alike, and they all get along well. You got, those other people syndrom, and you belong here. We are a tribe, Welcome.
Hi Obpur!
I completely understand your anxiety. I am self-diagnosed also (many of us are) and still in the closet about my AS. It's so strange to go from hiding my differences from people all day and then logging onto WP and being completely open and honest in the forums, talking about things that I would never ever mention to anyone. I still get nervous sometimes when I post, feeling like I'm somehow even stranger yet than everyone else. Even right now.
But you know what? That social anxiety is just a part of AS! I'd be skeptical of someone who wasn't a little nervous. lol.
Anyway. Glad you're here. Welcome to WrongPlanet.
Sedaka
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Location: In the recesses of my mind
/wave
welcome!
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larsenjw92286
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Joined: 30 Aug 2004
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,062
Location: Seattle, Washington
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