Hello from pergatory... sry... I mean FL!

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aspirenetwork
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Joined: 1 Feb 2022
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Location: Central Florida

01 Feb 2022, 11:27 pm

Hello everyone,

My name is Jordan and this is my first time here. I heard about this place on youtube... I think I saw Alex in an video or something?
I was finally properly diagnosed at the age of 32... they gave me a few bonuses too! ADHD and CPTSD. yay lol.
I am currently 35 and have just came out of the post diagnosis depression cause by this "black swan" event. Well, that combined with
my little brother committing suicide during lock-down. Sadly, to be completely honest, I was mostly mad that he beat me to it. I was more mad that I was now stuck here. I'm not a big enough je*k to do that to my dad a second time. Soooo... here I am! Chuggin along...lol.

My personal lock-down started about 9 months before covid struck... and is still somewhat in effect. I get out here and there... I am just kinda fed up with all the hate and polarization in the world. I always seem to get hurt in one way or another... or piss some "popular" person off... and then I get harassed, stalked, and treated like crap. People these days are just kinda scary and not worth the risk IMO.

Since being diagnosed I have been really focused on me and figuring out who "I really am" as opposed to catering to my alter egos.
Growing up un-diagnosed in a christian family forced me to take on several different variations of myself. Church Jordan... School Jordan... Good Jordan... Bad Jordan... Country Jordan... Gangsta Jordan... lol. I was like an fricken action figure. Always bending my own personal wants, needs, morals, etc.. to make people around me more comfortable... in a effort to get people to like me or at the very least manage to blend into the background so I don't get singled out or picked on.

When I was in grade school my teachers wanted me to get diagnosed but my family refused to sign the forms. I was pretty mad about that too. All the help and stuff I needed was right there... yet my family were more worried about me being called names and made fun of. So basically I spent my life being misdiagnosed and used as a lab rat for depression drugs I didn't need... because I had a good reason to be depressed. There was a good reason I had melt downs and behavioral issues. I knew I was different... I knew I was awkward... I knew I wasn't good at making friends... I knew I was slow at turning thoughts into speech and often worded things improperly... in ways that sounded rude or heartless. Everybody seemed to speak a different language than me. Yet my family owned a ski resort so most kids were nice to me just to get free ski tickets. So to most people it seemed like I was "popular" although I was anything but. This became more prevalent in HS. When I failed to make any new friends... I just kept the ones I knew from elementary school... eventually dropped out because I was so awkward and couldn't stay out of trouble... I eventually went to community college.

Sry I got side tracked... I do that a lot. lol. Where was I? Oh yes... figuring out who I am. This has been pretty damning for me lately. My views are very center isle/left leaning and I live in a far right state. So basically, because I am focused on staying true to my own values, beliefs, opinions, etc... It seems like everybody hates me... all because I refuse to give into the extreme polarization culture. I am not going to side with religious extremists that sexually abused me as a child... and I am not going to side with far left culture because they feel this need to change social boundaries every other day. How am I supposed to learn to be "normal" if "normal" changes on a daily basis? It really annoys me that people who don't even live with asd.... feel the need to virtue signal by deeming our nick names like "aspie" hate speech. It's like... don't you realize you are just making things harder on the people who live with this condition?

Sorry, I don't mean to rant. I just thought people would like to know why I consider myself to be in purgatory lol. I apologize if I have offended anybody and want people to know that was not my intention. I prefer to keep politics out of my life and promote love and compassion in the community. IMO our bond/commonality with having autism and supporting one another is way more important than any political view.

Sometimes we tend to forget, that we all (to some extent) fail to properly identify social boundaries. So if i have crossed one of yours please know that it was not with cruel intent. I refuse to discriminate upon anybody for any reason... I just want everybody to get along again lol. I was only trying to portray the battle of remaining true to my self and not promoting polarization. We need more love and unity in the world.

Sooooooo... on that note. Hello everyone :D

(waits to see if he's kicked off in the morning)


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That feeling when you have a secret. Not a bad one, but like a really great idea that you are dying to share with people. Yet you know (according to societal standards) it is just too soon and people will think you are crazy lol. So you force yourself to keep quiet and it just slowly eats away at you. Patiently, you stare into a seemingly infinite future, waiting for the perfect time to finally spill the beans.


Double Retired
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02 Feb 2022, 4:26 pm

Welcome to WP! I hope it feels more comfortable than Central Florida for you.

I'm sorry about your little brother.

I was diagnosed at the age of 64. My recommendation is just try to keep moving forward. Sometimes you may have to backtrack and try a different path, but try to keep moving forward. I can't say I usually knew where I was going, but moving forward generally did well for me.


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Last edited by Double Retired on 02 Feb 2022, 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tim_Tex
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02 Feb 2022, 4:30 pm

Welcome to WP!



Mona Pereth
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03 Feb 2022, 12:39 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

My boyfriend lived in Florida for a while, and has told me lots of horror stories about it.

Here on WP, we have people of many different political persuasions. We keep the peace by forbidding political discussion everywhere except the "Politics, Philosophy, and Religion" and "News and Current Events" forums.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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03 Feb 2022, 4:12 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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autisticelders
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03 Feb 2022, 4:48 pm

welcome, you are definitely not alone!


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aspirenetwork
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Location: Central Florida

08 Feb 2022, 9:28 pm

Hey look at that... I'm not kicked off lol!
That's right folks. It took me all that time just to get the nerve up to check back in. I know I'm pathetic. jk :wink:

Just wanted to thank everyone who was kind enough to reply. I didn't know what to expect. I don't have a whole lot of experience with these social blog thingies. I was about to give up on them... I tend to be bad at texting/writing... people always tell me I sound mad lol? I'm like... you can hear my writing? Wish I had that super power...lol.

I am glad I stopped by. It's heart warming to see people are getting along here. Thanks again for the warm welcome.

Yea I'm not a big fan of Florida... the whole place is nothing but gangs, secret societies, and churches. None of which want/like me... and the ones who do, want me to change who I am to please their needs/wants. I am just kinda done with all that noise. Friends are nice, but friends I can be myself around, is way more important to me right now.

I'm basically working on giving regular life one last try... see if I can "find my people". See if I can make a difference... if not. I will likely end up in the Amazon. I'll be chilling with those crafty native guys (on YouTube) that build those really cool underground houses/mansions. I would trade visas with them in a heartbeat lol.

Anyway, Thanks again and nice to meet you all!


_________________
That feeling when you have a secret. Not a bad one, but like a really great idea that you are dying to share with people. Yet you know (according to societal standards) it is just too soon and people will think you are crazy lol. So you force yourself to keep quiet and it just slowly eats away at you. Patiently, you stare into a seemingly infinite future, waiting for the perfect time to finally spill the beans.


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09 Feb 2022, 11:40 am

I hope you drop by more often.

I recommend wandering around WP to see which parts you find most interesting. If a specific thread gets unpleasant just leave the thread, not the planet.

Oh. And Florida. Sigh. I have relatives who live there and...gee. Florida. 8O


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autisticelders
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09 Feb 2022, 12:49 pm

welcome, you are not alone.


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10 Feb 2022, 7:38 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet Forums Aspirenetwork! I can relate to your story very well.


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11 Feb 2022, 7:12 pm

Welcome to WP aspirenetwork :). No doubt about it, this life is tough, but attitude and acceptance for who you are is everything.

Sincerely sorry to hear about your brother. I've spent alot of time in Florida, but on my own terms, and love it! But, I didn't have to adhere to anyone's rules or expectations. Hope you're coping okay and that you eventually find yourself and can be the true YOU. Being on the spectrum means you're referenced to people, places, settings, so it's little surprised you've felt you have different "selves" for each setting?set of people. Hope you give yourself the time you need to de-stress each day and just "be". The last thing you need is to burnout. Good to have you with us.