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Pteranomom
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21 Apr 2022, 8:08 pm

Hi, I'm Pteranomom. I'm mostly here on behalf of my son, so I'll talk about him first. He's 12, second child out of four, and a great kid. I don't know if he "really" has autism, but it's definitely the closest thing I can say that easily makes sense to people. He has lots of familiar behaviors--toe walking, restricted diet, difficulties with sensory overload, meltdowns, etc., along with epilepsy, tourette's, and OCD (classic contamination phobia).

Thankfully he is completely verbal (after a delayed start) and is intellectually normal/mathematically gifted, so I count my blessings. He loves math and cats.

We come from a long line of aspie people (going back to my grandmother, who was a math professor and used to say that if she were a kid today, she'd be diagnosed ASD). My youngest brother has been diagnosed with asperger's, and my mom with ASD. I have not been formally diagnosed with any autism-related disorders because ADHD was the hip diagnosis all the kids were getting when I was young, but my mother assures me I would be if I were a kid today.

Mostly I worry about my son's long-term well-being--I feel like he is right on this edge where he could learn to master his emotions and go on to be an extremely successful person, or might not learn that and have a very tough adulthood, so I'm here to learn whatever I can that will help him. (I already ordered a book I saw recommended on here this morning, Eikon Bridge iirc the title correctly.) Thankfully he's come a long way just in the past 3 months.



Double Retired
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22 Apr 2022, 9:28 am

Welcome to WP! I hope you find at least a few of the answers you are looking for here.

I was 64 when I received my Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) diagnosis, which came with the comment that I also satisfied the criteria previously associated with Asperger's Syndrome. Before 1994, however, I was just "odd" because the DSM did not yet list Asperger's Syndrome.

Personally, I found childhood to be much more unpleasant than adulthood...though adulthood also contained much unhappiness. But, the good news for me was I eventually found a gal to marry and I retired—quite comfortably, thank you—at age 56.


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Pteranomom
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22 Apr 2022, 12:27 pm

Thank you for the welcome, Double Retired :)

I also find adulthood better than childhood, mostly because I don't have to go to school and deal with bullies anymore. I try to give my kids a better childhood than I had. I hope my sons find themselves a nice partner someday, too. (And retire! But that's a long ways off for us.)



Double Retired
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22 Apr 2022, 4:08 pm

My Dad is still alive and quite old...and understandably not too interested in my Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) diagnosis.
<=>- in 1994 he turned 64, I turned 40, and the DSM first added Asperger's Syndrome.
<=>- in 2011 he turned 81, I turned 56, and I retired. :D
<=>- in 2013 he turned 83, I turned 59, and the DSM moved Asperger's under the new Autism Spectrum.
<=>- in 2019 he turned 89, I turned 65, and I got my diagnosis.

He'd known for six decades that I was odd but ASD is just some uninteresting new-fangled nonsense.

After I got my diagnosis I asked my Dad about my childhood. He said he and my Mom knew I was doing "weird" things but they realized I wasn't being bad, I was just like that, so they decided not to punish me. I am so glad!

In Today's terminology, I think that means they unwittingly practiced Autism Acceptance.

And, compared to my siblings, I've done well for myself...and Dad knows it. (But I'm still odd and I took a long time to find a bride.)

So, I recommend consideration of Autism Acceptance.


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autisticelders
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23 Apr 2022, 5:39 am

welcome! your son has a great advantage in knowing at an early age about his autism. I hope you find ways to help and support him. It is also a great advantage to have a loving and caring parent who stands with him and wants to help. Lucky kid. I was diagnosed at age 68, its never too late to find self understanding and to learn new ways to self accommodate, etc. Glad you are with us!


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Pteranomom
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23 Apr 2022, 11:22 am

Double Retired wrote:
My Dad is still alive and quite old... So, I recommend consideration of Autism Acceptance.

You're very blessed that your dad is still alive. My grandmother passed away this January. I miss her.

autisticelders wrote:
welcome!

Thank you. I'm glad to be here.



jimmy m
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25 Apr 2022, 3:42 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet. Life can be very difficult for Asperger male during the year of Junior High. It may be a very trying time for him and you (his parents) may not even know it is taking place. I suffered both physical and mental abuse during 6th to 8th grade. It was at the hands of my classmates. So it is worth keeping an eye out for this. After that time, life for me returned back to near normal and life was good. So what to do?

First off be informed. Be aware it is happening. You may not solve the problem directly but at least know it is taking place. If it does happen then I will make two suggestions.

1. Get him into a self defense class like Karate. He should learn how to defend himself in physical combat.

2, If your school is large and offers class plays, have him join. There are many talents in class plays. Somewhere there is a place for him. This will make him part of a large group of students of many age groups. It will let him be part of a team. A team that will support him against abuse.


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Pteranomom
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26 Apr 2022, 11:44 am

jimmy m wrote:
Welcome to Wrong Planet. Life can be very difficult for Asperger male during the year of Junior High. It may be a very trying time for him and you (his parents) may not even know it is taking place.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I should have mentioned that my son is homeschooled. It was his request to homeschool; he basically begged us to stop sending him to school back in 1st grade, so we did. (After a while his siblings decided they'd rather be homeschooled like their brother, too, so now they're all at home.)

My husband and I both had a difficult enough time in school dealing with bullies and the like; I can't imagine what sort of nightmare it would be for a kid who is even more obviously "different" from the others.

I still worry about him being targeted or hurt by others, so I want him to start weight-lifting/strength-training/generally getting more exercise, but he says he doesn't want to, so I haven't been pushing it.



jimmy m
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26 Apr 2022, 5:15 pm

Homeschooling is a good alternative.


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Pteranomom
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28 Apr 2022, 1:27 pm

Yeah; I just finished a couple of books about autism/growing up with autism, (plus looking back on my own and my husband's experiences and reading your account) and wheeeeew am I glad we decided to homeschool! I don't even think about it that much most days, since it's just our life now and people don't even think it's that odd these days because of the pandemic, but boy did reading all of those accounts make me feel like we dodged bullet. It's really amazing to me that children are just condemned to suffer so much.



Double Retired
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28 Apr 2022, 5:06 pm

Note: Bullies are not found exclusively at school. Two of the worst for me were in our neighborhood. There were times my Mother didn't understand why I didn't want to leave the house.


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autisticelders
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29 Apr 2022, 4:06 am

welcome! I did not learn of my own autism or my kids' until I had retired and the kids had long ago left the nest. Your son is lucky to have a caring mom and an earlier diagnosis. He has great prospects indeed with your support and understanding. <3


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