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Rainbowbrain808
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27 Feb 2024, 4:11 am

Hello :)

I'm new here.

Apologies in advance for whatever comes next, I am not good at this but I am making it a point to connect with other people even just online because I am fed up of feeling lonely and alone all the time.

33 year old female from Malta (Europe). Mother of 2 humans and 1 dog. My partner of 8 years and father of youngest are currently splitting up so my life sucks right now!

Special Interest: Psychology and people watching; realized recently that one of the reasons I blend in so well is that I have always observed people and am great at mimicking. Always felt like a chameleon/ ditto. Recently noticed that even when watching movies or a tv show I am psychoanalyzing the characters to understand why they do what they do, how their trauma effects them, the attachment types they have :D.... Why won't my brain ever be quiet?

Interests/ Hobbies: Reading romance novels, movies and tv shows, food, cooking, soap making, music, smoking w33d (legal in my country) and sleeping.

A little more about me....

Diagnosed ADHD at 30 after oldest got diagnosed and I had the :O moment. Since starting Ritalin I have been noticing more issues surfacing which has led me down the Autism rabbit role. Not officially diagnosed yet but from my extensive research and feedback from therapist, I fit the profile. Pursuing this with a psych soon.

My partner (or ex. Damn I need to get used to this!) has recently been suggested by his therapist that he may be on the spectrum and has alexithymia. Needless to say that between our neurodivergence and trauma from going undiagnosed + other s**t life throws at you, this has led to us drifting apart, triggering each other and the breakdown of our relationship. Took him a year of me begging for him to see a therapist.

I suggested couples counselling but according to him, it is not needed as he has his own therapist and doesn't need couple's therapy or has the energy for our relationship.

I have realized he is my emotional support person and the one I seek when interacting with the outside world which sucks as now I will be facing the world alone. The phone calls, the shopping and the having to gold conversations with people without support :(

If you have made it this far; thank you for reading! I guess I just wanted to write some stuff down.

Hope I get to meet some nice people on here and learn more about myself.



Tim_Tex
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27 Feb 2024, 4:14 am

Welcome to WP!


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DazyDaisy
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27 Feb 2024, 6:04 am

Hi and welcome! I am also new to this forum.

If both of you and your (ex) partner are only at the beginning of the process of realizing that you fit into something that is considered as officially being different than most of the people, while at the same time you are struggling with life itself and its' challenges, than give both youself and him a time to get used to idea of new you in the process of self discovery. It doesn't mean your split is definite.

I can only guess how lonely you feel now that you have less or none of your (ex) partner's support. But use this time to really discover who you are and what do you really want from life. Let him use that time the way he thinks is the best for him. Time will show if the two of you should carry on together or not. And if you have two kids, a dog, so many interests, than you are not alone. Try to spend some quality time with them, try new things, you never know who will you meet that will also help you grow as a person, be it a new friends, aqueintancies or new partner. It is not that bad even if you stay partnerless for some time and untill you are really ready to be in partnership again.


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Rainbowbrain808
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27 Feb 2024, 6:20 am

DazyDaisy wrote:
Hi and welcome! I am also new to this forum.

If both of you and your (ex) partner are only at the beginning of the process of realizing that you fit into something that is considered as officially being different than most of the people, while at the same time you are struggling with life itself and its' challenges, than give both youself and him a time to get used to idea of new you in the process of self discovery. It doesn't mean your split is definite.

I can only guess how lonely you feel now that you have less or none of your (ex) partner's support. But use this time to really discover who you are and what do you really want from life. Let him use that time the way he thinks is the best for him. Time will show if the two of you should carry on together or not. And if you have two kids, a dog, so many interests, than you are not alone. Try to spend some quality time with them, try new things, you never know who will you meet that will also help you grow as a person, be it a new friends, aqueintancies or new partner. It is not that bad even if you stay partnerless for some time and untill you are really ready to be in partnership again.


Thank you! I am trying. It's just sad I guess to experience so much loss all at once. He is my best friend and now completely freezing me out which hurts the most. But I'm really trying to connect with friends and have new experiences.



autisticelders
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27 Feb 2024, 7:42 am

Hi, hello!

welcome glad you are with us!


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DazyDaisy
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27 Feb 2024, 7:53 am

It usually goes that way, trouble never comes alone, when it strikes it multiplies and thus multiplied they hit you on several life fields. If you feel really lost, alone and disoriented can you find a therapist or some support groups? Actually I understood you already have a therapist, but maybe support groups would work better for you..

Sometimes it is hard to understand how partners feel in relationships with us even when they are our best friends. Do they feel, even when they love us as human beings, that we do some things they experience as obstacles in their personal growth? While it could be nice to preserve a best friend status while making pause in general relationship, some people need a complete distance to help them realize how they really feel. And that can hurt, I know. An honest talk should solve most of the problems, but if you tried and it doesn't and one of you is refusing a couple therapy, then I think you should give both youself and that person as much space and time each of you need. If one of you decide to leave for good than it is better it happens earlier than you invest more time, love, energy into something that won't work. And also feel free to find a new love instead of waiting too long for your partner to decide what they want. The risk of losing you was something they were willing to prepare for the first moment they decided to completely distance themselves. And I think that is OK, no matter how hurtful it may sound, I would accept it.

If I were you and if I had financial possibilities I would do something nice for myself and my kids and a dog. I would take a trip, or would organize frequent one day get-aways, had fun with them. Things like that. While working at the same time on introspection, just as your partner. It will be better, don't worry.


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Double Retired
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27 Feb 2024, 5:56 pm

Welcome to WP! I hope you like it here even though the profile pull-down doesn't accommodate ADHD/notAutistic folk.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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27 Feb 2024, 5:59 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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Hokulea
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27 Feb 2024, 6:47 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet.



jimmy m
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28 Feb 2024, 9:40 am

Welcome to Wrong Planet. You have two children. How are they coping with the breakup. In a way, kids are a binding force that can keep families together. They are like glue.


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blitzkrieg
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28 Feb 2024, 1:32 pm

Welcome to WP!

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28 Feb 2024, 2:34 pm

Welcome to the wrong planet, hopefully you will find it to be the right place to be.


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CockneyRebel
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01 Mar 2024, 6:33 pm

Welcome to WP :salut:


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