Hi newbie from australia, my hubby has Aspergers

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Hi there, I have been married for nearly 10 years (this time), my hubby has Aspergers. My son may have aspergers as well, my other son has adhd. In trying to keep my family together, I have been researching anything on Aspergers, trying to at least have everyone get along ok. There have been battles from day one, and finding out why hubby behaved the way he did, help to calm things down a bit. So at this stage hubby lives in his own flat around the corner, but comes home for some meals and time with us, which help us all to keep the battles and arguments down. Interested in hearing from anyone else who cares for there hubby or partner, that has aspergers, just to be able to talk to someone else who would understand my family situation. my yahoo im is kisska.rm Deb

welcome. Glad to have you here!~

Nice to meet you, mskisska.

Welcome to WP, I am an Australian aswell.

Welcome to WP!

Gidday, from a fellow Aussie. I wouldn't understand your family situation but I hope there is someone out there who does who can help you.

Welcome

Hi,

My wife keeps threatening to throw me out. She probably thinks I could get a flat around the corner too. But we live in sydney and i would have trouble affording anything here. I love my kids too much to risk separation. So I have to learn not to bring up any "negotiation" until i can sense that the time is right. i have to learn to shut up if my wife wants to end a conversation. I am a mildly affected aspie but i do have a strong urge to be heard and understood and to acheive an outcome in communication. Appraently this trait is my aspie "hardwiring" and i have to learn to act like a mature adult, and let my wife get away with acting like a kid. when my kids have a tantrum i am nice to them and i give them a hug if they want one. I have to stop reacting to my wifes stress as if she was an adult. I have to be like her grandfather instead of her partner. Because i am only mildly affected, I can learn "cognitive self help", eg I learned a lot about anger control from a group therapy, and i am much better at controlling anger and understanding triggers. the one i have trouble with is dealing with stress while i am trying to drive the car.

We'll, taking the step of acknowledging your husbands way is a great step. I would say one of the best things for him is to try to verbalize yourself as much as possible. He married you, so he cares about you, and I bet he wants to make you happy, he just needs to know all the facts so he can react the correct ways. AS people are very loyal friends and partners, he'll stick with you as long as you stick with him. Also, realize that socially he will get overwhelmed and let him self regulate. As an adult he has developed ways of dealing with his needs. He might not be able or want to explain it to you though. If you question him about it, he might react with anger. As I recently read somewhere, if you want someone to change, you need to change. Give and take. Overall, don't have unreal expectations of him to change who he is for you, and appreciate him for what he is. After all that, take my advice with a grain of salt since I am divorced.

wow thank you for your replys, I am understanding more about my hubby all the time, and now dont have any expectations of him changing, I adjust my perception of his behaviour, and find that keeps things calmer. Although we have to live apart, I still regard this as a marriage, and dont intend to give up, just yet, I constantly need to give myself consideration re: stress, otherwise I will end up breaking down, and while still looking after our kids as well I still need to keep alive and healthy.
By reading the resources on this site, and chatting with other aspie and aspie partners, I hope to keep things going ok..
deb

Good luck with your marriage and welcome to WP.

G'day and i am an aussie too.
Welcome to WP

Welcome