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Um... salutations, and such. I just recently discovered I have Asperger Syndrome--no official diagnosis, but after researching it, I've condluded that the only other possibility is that I have some other condition that happens to have nearly all of the symptoms of AS, as the explanations of symptoms of AS explain so much of my life it's ridiculous. However, since you folks have more experience, I'll let you tell me if I sound like I either A) Have Asperger Syndrome, or B) am a liar.

I've always had trouble communicating with people in person and over telephones. I find that I can't tell what people are trying to convey when they talk to me in person, but I can read a great deal about their actual character from the nuances in their body language and speech patterns. (Supposedly, 'normal' people read intent as opposed to reading the people themselves, or at least that's what I've been told; all the NTs I've spoken with have expressed that my ability to read people that way is not normal.)

I was a precocious child, and I hated busy work. I've grown more capable of tolerating it over the years, but for the most part, I still despise it. I've always thought that if there's no need for something to be done, there's no sense wasting my time doing it. I would excel in courses with minimal busy work, and do poorly in others, while scoring well on the tests.

I have what seems to be beyond normal light sensitivity and sound sensitivity. I can hear (and HATE) dog whistles, and out of place noises drive me so nuts that if they are occurring while I'm trying to sleep, they can make it impossible for me to nod off. I can see better in shade/darkness (overcast, dusk, night, etc.) than most others, and normal daylight is very painful to me. (People used to think I was angry all the time when they'd see me outside. In reality, I just had to squint constantly to minimize the pain.)

I have stronger than normal emotional responses. People yell at me for overreacting or being dramatic a lot, and I can't really help it. I don't do it for attention, I just tend to feel very strongly about things.

Respect is to be earned, not given. I only respect an authority figure if they're competent. I could hate their guts if they have an unpleasant personality, but if they're at least competent, I can still respect them and follow their instructions/orders.

Eye contact... hoo boy. This is actually part of why I've always felt such a strong kinship with wolves and other canines. (I am a furry, just so we can get the ostracization gears running sooner than later.) I feel extremely uncomfortable making eye-contact with other people, as it makes me feel threatened, or it makes me worry they'll feel I'm threatening them. I have been able to maintain 'normal eye contact' with one person, but I happened to be in love with her, so there you go. Not sure if this is an Aspie thing or not, but I also am not keen on the showing of teeth. I tolerate it from other people, but I try to avoid showing mine most of the time.

And I have a question about repetitive movements... do you just do them unconsciously, or feel compulsed to do them consciously? I seem to have the latter, especially when distressed.

I also um... have an imaginary friend. >_> I have quite a lot of real friends too (I made a point to learn how to act at least moderately 'normal', and to tolerate the minor things that annoy my about NTs) but I've never been able to abandon my imaginary one. It's not so much that I'm asocial (though I'll confess I am quite so) as that my imaginary friend is the only 'person' I feel I can truly trust and feel comfortable around, as I'm rather afraid of real people, due to a bad upbringing and a great deal of bullying.

So... er, greetings and such, and I hope I'm not coming off as a hypochondriac or something. I at least _think_ I'm trying in earnest to further understand myself, and seek out others I could feel more of an understanding with, but I'm not sure. Honestly, I'm also somewhat afraid, as some of my best friends have AS, but so do some of the people who've caused me the most stress/pain in my life.

welcome to WP, naman.

Vivi
(as Admin)

Welcome!

As for AS, I wouldn't know. That's something you (and your doctor maybe) have to figure out on your own.

Some of what you describe sounds like Asperger's syndrome; a lot of it sounds like attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, too, though. Remember Asperger's syndrome is a pervasive developmental disorder, and signs of delayed or abnormal psychological and cognitive development have to be present from a very young age. ADHD is also a developmental disorder, but the children usually seem a little more normal.

Well, I'm certain that I've had this condition manifest since I was a small child. I don't know if I was officially diagnosed with Asperger, but there is evidence that I may have been. (I was forced to stay in preschool for an extra year and enter kindergarten later than I could have because of my social deficiencies, and the social deficiencies never went away, I just learned how to gague people's reactions by comparing what I read and heard about body language to what I would see.) As for ADHD... I'm very, very certain I don't have that. I tend to have a very focused attention span; I'm somewhat notorious for effectively ceasing to exist while drawing or writing. I'm also somewhat less prone to hyperactivity than 'normal' people. I can get excited, and energetic, but I almost never would get 'hyper' proper.

As for seeing a doctor... I lack insurance, and am not terribly keen on paying someone to tell me what I believe I already know, as it wouldn't do anything but confirm it or leave me doubting the doctor's competence. (I have a great deal of trouble accepting that many doctors are particularly competent unless they're specialists or dealing with something common.) As for how I know, I've read up on it quite a lot, and know people diagnosed with AS, and have seen a great deal of evidence that I have it, and no substantial evidence that I don't.

/me bites Naman hello! ^_^

Ello. You might get some, "Well.. that's not quite for me.." like comments, but being a furry is so incredibly innocuous that it amuses me when people are afraid or disgusted or threatened by it.

Personally, i havent bothered to create a distinct personality when talking to myself. I just talk to myself. I have identified about 3 or 4 slightly different personalities that voices in my mind take on, but they are all me. I also enjoy talking to myself through talking to my animals, because i can anthropomorphize(did i butcher that word?) their expressions and have more fun talking to myself.

I think there is a totally unnessessary and ultimately harmful stigma against talking to yourself. I use self talk to develop thought, reherse speech, and entertain myself. And i think i am far better off because of it.

Oh, I agree, though I also feel the same way about sleeping with some sort of security object, like a cherished plush toy or some other well-loved thing one can easily cling to in bed. These things are signs that one needs comfort, and a way for them to get that comfort. Denying a person these things doesn't remove the need for comfort, it just removes their only means of gaining that comfort. The only bad thing I can see is that it may make one less likely to try and find comfort from 'the rest of the world,' but honestly... I fail to see how it's a bad thing. It doesn't stop a person from having meaningful relationships--in fact, I'd hazard it stops them from having a lot of poor relationships they'd otherwise have due to desperation. I still have and make friends, and I've fallen in love a couple of times. I just don't feel extremely desparate for companionship because I have something to fall back on.

welcome, I'm glad you joined, and the following advice about diagnosis may be worth half a penny.

There is an interesting question about how to label yourself. The only reason I could think of for seeking a diagnosis was I thought it would help me get help for specific challenges. The psychologist I got the diagnosis from led me to think that I would ger more help than I really did (so I was not always glad that I went to the trouble).

There are of course plenty of things that could generate the symptoms that you chose to share with us, and most of them don't sound like they really need changing. I work really hard at getting eye contact right for example, but I'm not sure that one part of my life would be better if I succeeded in getting it right so you may not have to worry about things like that. When I was looking for a diagnosis I had some pretty big problems to deal with (like tunnel concentration was really imparing me) so I had a need to do something.

The bottom line is that I wonder what you hope to get from a label with or without diagnosis.

The label aids me in further researching and understanding it. I can find other people with the label and study them, and study what people have learned about the condition. I'm not really looking for help, as it were, and I don't intend to wear a badge that says "I've got Asperger Syndrome" on it, I'm just trying to more deeply understand the way my mind works, because it's always been a source of curiosity for me.

What you do in the privacy of your own home/bed is up to you. Personally I sleep with Boris, my toy badger (who also looks a bit like Piglet from Winnie-the-Pooh - don't ask...). I started cuddling something when I finished with my boyfriend, as I found I missed his company in bed. Since I have had it with men in that way, I think that Boris is going to be with me a long, long, long time.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.