CIS now I guess, I was doing some networking thing I enjoyed more but I switched schools and it got screwed up. I got pushed into it, VR thought it was a good field because it's thought of as one of the quieter introverted ones I guess and they didn't really think I was employable unless I went to school. There's a tiny bit of hope that I will find something I enjoy about it or that I will find some friends but it I've been in school for awhile now and I don't feel like things are changing for the better. Stress is building, I'm just becoming burnt out and I really don't know what to do since I have no options to fall back on so it's kind of go until you collapse. I just wish I could work so I could at least get settled into a routine and have money, maybe I would be happier I dunno but I feel pretty helpless about the situation. I put a lot of pressure on myself, more than anyone else and it's hard to feel good about yourself and what you're doing because of that. I'm doing this because I want to be independent, I want to have a 'normal' life and all that entails but that doesn't seem realistic at this point even if I do finish out school & get a job so my motivation is mostly just guilt at not wanting to disappoint people. Not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, nothing is getting easier for me. Nothing about the experience has made me feel better about myself even tho I have gotten all A's and am in some Honor's Society, that's just even more pressure. I don't know if I can even do that math which I have totally avoided, they don't get you any accommodation for that learning disability.
19 Mar 2017, 3:58 am
