Not ready for my own place, but I have to?

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I just transferred uni to one that happens to be about 30 minutes from my parent's home. I wasn't planning on getting an apartment until later in college, but I got denied for campus housing and signed on a lease. I didn't have a job this summer since I was originally planning on living at home, but now I need to get one since my folks are taking on the housing portion of my loan and giving it to help me cover rent (and I gradually pay them back as I make the money)

It's stupid for me to not just bus to and from my parent's place and save thousands in loans, but I live in a very psychologically and occasionally physically abusive house. The only time I have ever not been depressed in my teen life was my first year living at school in another state. Living at home again this summer has made it somehow even worse than before, am I'm terrified of what I'll do if I continue to live at home. So, I don't feel bad about having a ridiculous rent, since I know my health is worth it, but it's just so darn bittersweet. I'm okay with working to make rent, but it just sucks so much that this is what it comes to.

I'm just afraid in a year I'll forget how bad it is living here and agree to move back in with them for money's sake. Also, I'm really scared for how drastically different my life is about to become. I've always lived in the suburbs, not allowed to ever EVER go out, and for the first time I'm going to be taking public transportation 24/7 and living right in the city and basically fully dependent on myself to not be a failure (except for the bit of financial netting my parents offer). Any advice on....everything?

Think of this as an opportunity to get away from a house where you have experience psychological and physical abuse, as you described. Even though the rent portion adds to your over-al loan burden, since you've got it all arrange now anyway, all you really need to do is enjoy the new freedom and independence. Every day you go to work, keep in mind that it pays for this break from what happens back in your family home. It will help you push on and stay with whatever job you get.

As for practical things, decide on a monthly household budget. Get a pen and paper and write down your mandatory outgoings for a monthly basis -- rent, estimated electric bill, other household expenses that are fairly static and are a "must."

Then figure out your total income from any source -- job, student loan, any other monies from anywhere or anyone.

Subtract the outgoings from the income. Hopefully you're not left with a figure in the negative!

Whatever is left over is what you can spend on food, clothing, supplies, other discretionary spending. Or, at least you know what you need to earn.

Stick to this budget. For food shopping I've found that I overspend unnecessarily if I buy food anytime I need to or I want to. But if I shop once a week, and buy what I need for that one week ahead of me, and nothing else, I find I can control what I'm spending much more easily. I stick to a limit I've found buys me what I need for the week and no more. Before I go shopping, I walk around my kitchen and bathroom, noting what is about to run out during the week ahead, and I put that item on my list. If there's something that is still going to last for the next week or more, it stays off the list until it's time to buy more.

You can keep a MUCH better handle on your money shopping this way than just "Eh, think I'll order a pizza" and "Wow, just bought two dozen donuts just because I passed by this stand selling them!"

Always think in terms of your monthly budget for household bills and your weekly budget for food shopping, and you will take care of your money better.

Enjoy having your own place, I think you will find that you really blossom into making the most of it, particularly with the family life you describe.

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Thank you! I feel good about my grocery budgeting (in theory, ha. we'll see it in practice). Now that I'm on meds, eating has become more about survival and hardly about emotional comfort (as it has been all my life, leading to bingeing and money wasting), so I've had a really easy time turning down impulse cravings and just eating when and what i actually NEED.

And on the bright side, my rent is all-inclusive for utilities, so my main other expense is my initial public transportation pass. At least it's a little more simple than it could be!

That's really great that your rent is all-inclusive, that makes things a lot simpler! Be sure that covers all utilities though -- I remember once a place I looked into said "rent and gas heating inclusive" and it turned out the place was all-electric heating and stove, etc, with no gas stove or gas heating! So what sounded like my winter fuel bill was covered wasn't, I was still paying a hefty electric bill.

I'm sure you've checked everything over like that, but just be sure of what their inclusions are.

It sounds like you've got your budget figured out -- it's going to be great! I have a good feeling about this; I think you're going to be okay in your new place.

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It's so nice coming on here and seeing posts I could've written myself. Not because I want anyone else to be intimately familiar with the strain, but, it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

BTW, I was homeless for a couple of short stints in college because my memories didn't fade and I wasn't stupid enough to put myself through moving back home (sorry if that's harsh, but, my mental well being, and physical health following that, improved SO MUCH after I was out on my own, going back wasn't even a consideration at any point). I did plenty of stupid stuff in my youth, but, it's part of growing up and I'd rather live with the consequences and keep making the rules for my homelife, than to go back and be taken care of in any form. Just not worth it.
I didn't drink or do drugs or go to loud clubs or parties, so that eliminated most forms of stupidity and potential for being a victim of a crime.
Cultivating an arrogant don't-mess-with-me attitude helps deter unwanted hassling on public transport, and wasn't too far of a cry from my deadpan usual look.

Live within your means, work more than you need to when you're not studying, cause that'll keep you out of trouble and give you a fallback if you lose one job (most customers were nice, but, plenty tried to get me fired from customer service positions because I didn't treat them 'right'... obviously, not being able to read people is a hindrance when working with the public, you can't tell who is on an ignorant power trick until they're full force that's why I preferred dish and stock rooms. It never worked for them, but, if it had, I always had a second job to keep a little bit of money coming in).

Best of luck. You've got a great plan and just keep your head down and plowing through it and it'll be over before you know it.