How did you make friends at university?

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248RPA
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21 Aug 2019, 8:19 pm

It’s only the first week of classes, but it seems like everyone has already found friends except for me. I didn’t really like any of the clubs, but I joined two anyway. But they haven’t started meeting yet. I’ve talked with people, but nobody has invited me to hang out or anything. I can’t keep a conversation going with my roomate.

I know people say it’s okay to be individualistic, or “follow the beat of your own drum” or whatever. But I have learned from experience that friends form study groups, where there are valuable resources and advice. Also, if I get lost it’ll be nice to have backup.


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Grammar Geek
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21 Aug 2019, 8:40 pm

I asked the access services guy if there were any other aspies I could meet, and he introduced me to one. He was the only friend I had. But as for natural friend-making, no idea. I was really lonely in college.



SharonB
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21 Aug 2019, 9:04 pm

These days I would look for "my people". At the time, I was undiagnosed and had no idea that I could look for connections or resources. I thought I needed to fit (and didn't). I was coincidentally placed with a roommate who had Aspie-traits and we are BFFs now 20 years later - even so it took a long time for our friendship to be established, and she was in a completely different part of the university, so I was fairly lonely DURING college. I hung out with the resident professor and her kids, the restaurant owner's elementary-aged daughter, the sweaty Italian guy, the rental agency "townie", and other folks who were willing to let me tag along someplace. I studied by myself. This did not make for a great experience but it was doable. I had to work and I volunteered, but don't remember any connections from those.

Wishing you better!



kdm1984
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22 Aug 2019, 8:24 am

The library coffee shop was the best place; that's basically the only place I hung out with classmates as a uni undergrad outside of the classroom, except for one good friend who also took me to a park and remained in online connection with me until 2017 when she left social media. I did well in university and remember the times fairly fondly. However, I no longer have connection with any of the people from that time, including that one lady who left social media in 2017. I was in uni as an undergrad back in the mid 2000s.


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kraftiekortie
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22 Aug 2019, 8:31 am

I would say that one can make friends somewhat when one is in a class with someone, and studies with that one.

If you are both, say, studying for a biology exam which is quite difficult, you can both cooperate in studying for it. And invite this person to your house or dorm. If the other person starts talking about family, you talk about family, too. Frequently, talk about each other's family leads to friendship. And cooperating in studying for exams.

Make sure you don't "correct" the person too often---unless it has to do with the material which would be found in the exam you both are studying for. And don't "correct" the person like you think you "know more" than that person. Seem as "impartial" as possible. Stick to the material. Don't "advise" the other person about how to be "smarter."



shortfatbalduglyman
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22 Aug 2019, 9:34 pm

Slowly badly and wrongly



jimmy m
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22 Aug 2019, 10:51 pm

In general, I did not try and make friends during college. I was just too busy. I always took the maximum load of courses allowed and worked around 20 hours per week to help pay for my college. There was just no time.

One approach you might consider is joining a sorority. But it must be the right sorority. Not one focused on partying but rather one focused on academics. They may not be the most sought after sorority but they form a community together.


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kmarie57
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24 Aug 2019, 5:34 pm

Most of my friends in college were my roommates. I had at least 14 roommates over 4 years and I was friendly with most of them, but I only keep in touch with 2 now (and not even that much).

I didn't start making other friends until I got into my math education classes. There my classes were small and it was much easier to talk to the people I was with. Don't know how I actually did it though.



GiantHockeyFan
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30 Aug 2019, 12:57 pm

The ones I made seemed to just happen naturally, with me even trying. Unfortunately, they were either poor students (and dropped out) or were from another country. I foolishly avoided all clubs and activities so I could get the big job right after graduating. Still waiting 15 years later. Boy, I wish I could have my time back.



kraftiekortie
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01 Sep 2019, 2:49 am

Usually by having the same classes and/or studying for exams together.

And not showing your superiority. Unless you’re helping your fellow student succeed.



AnonymousAnonymous
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05 Sep 2019, 1:24 pm

I joined a pair of sports clubs.


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Fnord
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05 Sep 2019, 1:38 pm

248RPA wrote:
How did you make friends at university?

First, I made health and scholastics my highest priorities, much the same as "jimmy m".

Second, if I got bored or needed a break, I checked out the campus gaming groups (i.e., D&D, Traveller, et cetera).

Third, I didn't worry about making friends -- whether I made a friend or not, I was there to earn a degree.

Besides, the "friends" I did make at university have long since forgotten about me, so no loss there.


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Justin101
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15 Sep 2019, 3:31 pm

Finding those with the same interest(s).

Any eccentric or quirky students are more likely to befriend.

Foreign students, especially East Asian, are generally very open to being friends.

Join associations and sign up for excursions.

Lastly... Get drunk!


If the above doesn't work, try stronger stuff that breaks down your inhibitions and poor social skills. But choose wisely.



Dial1194
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23 Sep 2019, 3:49 am

Never did. I joined a bunch of clubs (and even founded/ran one!), went to events, chatted and smiled, all that. I was just never looking to make friends.

Sure, there were times when it would have been useful to have some. But not all that often, and I preferred having the free time and lack of social expectations that came with a zero-sized social circle.



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24 Sep 2019, 8:15 am

I co-founded (and ran during its second year) my university’s disability advocacy club with two students I met through the university’s disability support office.


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