was this counselor out of line or right?

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At my college there is this center I go to to get tutoring and help. The woman who tutors me is very nice and helpfult to me however sometimes she gets overly irritated with me and I feel she does this because I come across as meek as a lamb, so she knows she can get away with certain beahviors. Like one time I literally was doing everything I was supossed to do and she got in my face and yelled at me, and said, "Do you care about youur work at all?" and she yeelled at me in my face for at least a minute and a half. That was awhile ago. Then recently, she was being very nice to me and helping me with something practically doing more than she needed to and I even felt guilty, that she was helping me so much. Then all of the sudden she said, in my face, "If you screw this up I'm never helping you again! Got it!" I was very angry because I've never screwed anything up. What does everyone think?

If you feel her behavior was inappropriate... and it does sound way out of line since she is in a tutoring, "teaching" position, then
you should go to her boss (or the person who supervises her in her job) and voice a complaint. Just explain to her boss how badly this tutor treated you and how you feel you did not deserve to be yell at...maybe you need another tutor if this one treats students this way.

School is a learning environment...and students are expected to make mistakes. It is all part of the learning process. This tutor
should understand this.

I don't feel like reporting her as she has been nice to me most of the time. You think her behavior was out of line, do you think she was taking adavantage because I am timid?

Motivation. She sees that you're so meek, and is giving a healthy dose of "tough love."

I don't see anything really wrong with it. Sometimes nudging someone in the right direction just won't do, you have to go for the full kick in the ass.

This is quite possible.

and consider, she might want to actually stir some internal response from you to defend your position rather than meekly take her unreasonable outbursts. I have little doubt she consults with others about your behaviour and her 'boss' is very aware of her trying the 'rattle your cage' technique to get a defensive or offensive response from you.
Perhaps if you expressed to her that you see her trying to appeal to your sense of right and wrong and that you know she wants you to respond in defense of yourself, but you don't feel moved to do so, she will take another tactic.
Of course, you could just as easily match her volume and tone and repeat the words right back to her, letting her know you could just as easily become as agitated as she wants you to be, but then calmly explain that you don't feel the need to rise to her bait when her behaviour seems so inappropriate. That will certainly get her attention.

Merle

This has really got me fired up. The original post and all of the subsequent justification for it.

If this situation is really happening the way you describe it, then it's completely immature, irrational, unprofessional, and out of line on her part, regardless of what her motive is.

Personally, if somebody I was asking for help at a tutoring center spoke to me that way there would be a big problem. It may very well be that she can sense your meekness, but whether or nor she's generally helpful and nice, she should never belittle, demean, or talk down to you.

Her giving you "tough love" is neither appropriate nor acceptable in this situation. However, I doubt she is acting that way in order to deliberately provoke some response from you. More likely she is completely unsuited to education due to her temperment.

Her supervisor should absolutely be made aware of her inappropriate behavior. Let me reiterate: it is absolutely unacceptable for a tutor to yell at you for a minute and a half for any reason whatsoever, and no mitigating circumstances make it acceptable.

Hmm, I'm sorry, but I disagree. Would you really choose to coddle and enable a person unable to fend for themself? They would only attach themselves to such a means of support, further consolidating their weakness.

This World would be Hell if everyone was just nice all the time. Hostility is a direct challenge, and that challenge gives rise to self-reflection and gaining of ones own strength. I may be evil now, but if everyone I met in my life just gave me a pat on the back and kindly explained that I was right...

I would do everything in my power to get an oppositional reaction out of them. I know I'm not 100% right in anything I do, and I wouldn't want some stupid counselor mollycoddle me into thinking so. The counselor did nothing wrong.

In fact, I commend her for taking such a different approach. She analyzed and read who the person was, and acted in a way she deemed best suitable to positively affect him. Honestly, if you can't stand someone insulting you in any way, go live in a cave in the mountains...far, far away.

6 billion people in the World, you expect and want them all to cater to you?

Okay, there's a little confusion over whether this person is a tutor (like teaching him math) or a counselor (like teaching him life skills). The original poster uses both terms. As I understand it, this person is tutoring in a subject. Therefore, instilling the poster with self-confidence as a person is clearly beyond the scope of their duties.

If the poster is "unable to fend for himself," this is more properly addressed by a trained professional, good friend, or family member, not a math tutor.

If everyone was just nice all the time, it wouldn't be Hell, it would be Bliss.



You're making an assumption about her that is unsupported by what we've been told. I made a different assumption, equally unsupported, that she was simply being rude. Furthermore, I inferred that since he's going to a center on campus, that she is either a volunteer or employee of the college, in which case the poster is indirectly paying for a service and he should be treated with respect and sensitivity in all cases.

The only point I'll reflect on, for it's the most flawed.

Like it or not, human beings are flawed. We are not "God," nor do we truly share such ideals. Good cannot exist without evil, for if it could, it would have no name at all.

Though we all may hope and pray for such an ideal World, it's not possible. Show me a happy man, who has everything he loved taken and turned against him only to still smile, and I'll show you a fool.

We are not Gods. To think that we could achieve some perfect World, where no one hurt, no one suffered...is beyond foolish. We are Human. We are the light, and the shadow...no ideal will change who we are.

And no one would want to live in such "bliss." If I were to die right now and be plunged unto Heaven...I would seek to destroy it. Happiness without challenge leads to complacency...which leads to apathy. That "bliss" could never be experienced by Humans, we are not perfect.

I think that she was way out of line. If she did that to me, if I was your age, I'd do the same to her.

Counsellors...tutors...whatever they are. They are professionals and have no right to yell at clients. They were WAY out of line.

I think that's really abusive, and way out of line. She's paid to help you, period. No strings attached. Yelling at people is not okay, especially if you yell threats (and yeah, I know that it's not like she said, "Don't screw up or I'll beat you!" but a threat is a threat). It sounds really confusing, since sometimes she's nice, and sometimes she isnt', but being nice most of the time doesn't make it okay to be abusive sometimes. I hope you complain about it, because you wouldn't be doing anything wrong and it wouldn't mean you were ungrateful for the times she was nice to you (you don't owe people just because they were nice to you...except maybe to be nice in return, but it's not reasonable to have to repay kindness by taking abuse).

She is out of line, indeed....someone who is paid to help you learn should do just that, help you to learn, with patience and persistence. You should consider searching for a new tutor.

She's out of line. It's not smart to coddle someone, but there's a medium between coddling them and full-out bitching at them for who they are (i.e. a shy person). It is unacceptable, especially towards someone with an ASD.

she had no right to yell at you... tell her superior and i doubt it will happen again. or ask for someone else?