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mrturtle
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15 Oct 2009, 6:33 pm

mine is:

what is a rocket ship mixed with a potato?


spudnik!



Willard
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15 Oct 2009, 6:58 pm

The Aristocrats!



Willard
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15 Oct 2009, 7:16 pm

Okay, here's a G-rated one:



Q: What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?


A: Nothing. It just let out a little wine.





:wink: Works better with a rim-shot.



sinsboldly
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15 Oct 2009, 7:20 pm

ya heard about the girl who kissed her canary and caught chirpes?

her doctor told her it was untweetable.


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sinsboldly
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15 Oct 2009, 7:32 pm

Who invented fractions?

Henry the 1/8!


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sinsboldly
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15 Oct 2009, 7:33 pm

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A minnie van!


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sinsboldly
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15 Oct 2009, 7:36 pm

This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.

I bet you were mad.

Mad? I was foaming at the mouth!



sinsboldly
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15 Oct 2009, 7:37 pm

What has a bottom at the top?

Your legs! :D



sinsboldly
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15 Oct 2009, 7:41 pm

Have you ever seen a man eating tiger?

No, but in the cafe next door I once saw a man eating chicken!



Last edited by sinsboldly on 15 Oct 2009, 7:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

sinsboldly
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15 Oct 2009, 7:43 pm

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Missile toe!



Last edited by sinsboldly on 15 Oct 2009, 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

sinsboldly
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15 Oct 2009, 7:45 pm

Where does a general keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!



Aspinator
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15 Oct 2009, 8:36 pm

Why did the little boy keep hitting himself in the head with a 2 X 4? - Because it felt so good when he quit



CanadianRose
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15 Oct 2009, 10:59 pm

This one is PG

Two nuns were driving one Halloween night along the streets of an old town. Suddenly, a vampire bat attached itself to the windshield. The passenger nun told the driving nun, "knock it off with the windshield wipers." The driving nun tried, but the vampire bat just clung on, hissing at the nuns.

The passenger nun said, "try using the windshield washing fluid and then knock it off." The driving nun tried this and they ended up having a wet, angry, vampire bat hissing at them and shrieking, "I am the devil spawn!! !! !! !"

The passenger nun cried out "It's the devil!! Show him your cross!!"


The driving nun rolled down the window and hollered, "Get the %&*$ off the windshield!! ! :x


(if you don't get it - "show him your cross" as in use your crucifix and "show him you're cross" as in show him how mad you are).

[edited by sinsboldly, check your PM inbox Canadian Rose]



Willard
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16 Oct 2009, 2:34 am

sinsboldly wrote:
Where does a general keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!


An old favorite I picked up watching Shari Lewis and Lambchop w/my daughter. :D :D :D



CanadianRose wrote:
Two nuns were driving one Halloween night along the streets of an old town...


Excellent! Love that one! Classic style!



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16 Oct 2009, 6:17 pm

From my son, age 12:

There are 3 people on a boat. Their names are Nothing, Nobody and Crazy

One day Nothing falls over and Nobody tells Crazy to call the coast guard.

So he calls the coast guard.

"Hi, I'm crazy and I'm calling because Nobody told me to call you because Nothing fell overboard."


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camdenverycool
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06 Jan 2010, 5:46 pm

Q: What is a dogs faorite snack?


A: Pupcorn! (popcorn)