Age of self-awareness.

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theWanderer
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27 Jan 2011, 4:21 pm

QueenoftheOwls wrote:
As an adult aspie, let me add some in-put. I always knew that I was different than others-at least from elementary shool on. Although intellectually advanced I was never permitted to "skip' grades, as was the common practice back in the l960's, and when I asked my parents why, they told me that the school officials had labelled me as "emotionally immature." How can a second grader be "emotionally immature?" I didn't know what that meant, but I knew it meant something bad. becuase I was "left behnd " with my own age group, I became bored and disruptive in classes, and was often sent to the principal's office or made to stand out in the hall. Then the schoolyard bullies saw that I was different and in need of a little atitude adjustment, so they started harassing me, and taunting me, and you know how something like this spreads like wildfire.


I was never good at sports; I was born legally blind. But the part I quoted above - I could have written that. One of my teachers tested me, and I was reading at a college level by fourth grade (I went into first grade able to read anything in Reader's Digest) - but they didn't let me jump ahead because I was "emotionally immature". Not that keeping me stuck in classes where I was bored to death and surrounded by bullies ever helped me mature, emotionally or any other way...

Only, as I posted earlier in this thread, I knew I was "different" so far back I can't even recall when I first realised it, or what prompted me to think this way. By the age of two or three, I knew that I had to hide myself - who I really was - even from my parents. I rocked and spun and twirled in private, I (mostly) banged my head against walls in private (since that was triggered by frustration, I didn't always manage to hide it), and as I got older, I learned to throw out a "smoke screen" to keep people guessing about me.


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anon77
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24 Mar 2011, 8:20 pm

maybe like 13. I just never compared myself to others till then. Thought I was schizophrenic when I was around 15, found out I was aspie at 16.



Ettina
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31 Mar 2012, 3:44 pm

When I was 11 or so. Before then, the question had never occurred to me - I just assumed everyone was unique, so why would anyone expect me to be like them?



fraac
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31 Mar 2012, 4:12 pm

I felt different from about three and half in playschool, but until I was about 20 I just assumed that everyone thought they were different and it would be egotism to take it seriously.



CrazyStarlightRedux
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31 Mar 2012, 8:27 pm

Out of the bubble we call "Special Needs" school, since you appear more "normal" then the others.

So I found out when I was about 10.


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Kinme
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01 May 2012, 4:14 pm

I knew I was different or off by the time I was about 7 in elementary school.



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12 May 2012, 12:39 am

I've known that I was different since kindergarten. Then I went through a phase of denial, and now I'm not sure if I have AS or not.


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Senath
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19 May 2012, 11:39 am

I don't necessarily know if I knew that I was "different", I was just me, and very confused about why people and kids did what they did. I was confused about how the entire world worked though, and physics and matter and scientific things was more interesting to speculate about. It wasn't until maybe 4th grade or so that I started feeling really left out and sad that everyone else was interacting with each other and enjoying it and knowing how to do it properly.

I remember one incident in kindergarten where there was this kid that cried almost ALL DAY long, ALL THE TIME, and it freaked me out. In first grade my mom set me up on play-dates with a girl named Tiffany, and I had a friend for a few years!

Some time later I asked why she was so interested in setting me up with a friend and she told me that she had learned that I was afraid of the black boy in my kindergarten class and she wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be racist. Hahaha, I didn't even think about the fact that I was white and both he and Tiffany were black!



redrobin62
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19 May 2012, 4:38 pm

Interesting thread. I spent most of my childhood alone and basically in my own little world. I never thought I was different, though. Not that I thought other kids were like me, it's just that I guess I never noticed how the other kids lived. I never went to anyone's house visit them. I was abused so much that staying to myself was the most important thing to me. (I could've drawn you the entire coastline of a miles-long beach I lived close to - in detail!) I guess it wasn't till HS when I started thinking, "Hmm, I'm not like everyone at all. I'm a misfit."



RazorEddie
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19 May 2012, 4:59 pm

I spent most of my childhood pretty much oblivious. I didn't take enough interest in others to realize I was much different. One day in college I was in a class that was video taped. I saw the video afterwards and it really hit me how differently I behaved compared to the others. From that point on I made a conscious effort to try to behave more like everyone else.


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joannaaleksandra
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07 Jun 2012, 3:45 pm

I realized that I am different about 3 years of age, when I didn't know how to interact with a child I met on the street.



Joe90
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14 Jun 2012, 6:51 am

I recognised my unusual behaviour at the age of 5, after I started school.


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nolan1971
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14 Jun 2012, 12:51 pm

My first memories of it was at 3yrs old. r



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09 Jul 2012, 6:31 pm

I found out when I was 13, didn't come to a full realization until I joined Wrong Planet when I was 16.


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nick007
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10 Jul 2012, 9:10 pm

I felt different from others all my life but I thought it was due to me having dyslexia, ADHD & me having physical/health issues. I never felt I fully related with others who were dyslexic & had ADHD either thou, I didn't know about AS till the summer after I graduated high-school when my mom told me she thought I had it. I didn't dwell on it a lot thou till a couple years ago when I joined WP. I understand why I'm so different from NTs now.


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14 Jul 2012, 7:45 pm

3 - a few days after starting preschool.