Being taken advantage of and being expected to do everythin.

Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

Aspergers445
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 29 Jul 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 41
Location: Winnersh, Berkshire

14 Jun 2024, 3:48 am

Why do management expect autistic employees to do everything for other team members’ and everyone else’s commitments? For the past couple of years now I have been expected to do weekends and holidays while most of my colleagues can have most weekends off just because I don’t have children. Plus my manager keeps cancelling my shifts when they are not busy. Don’t see why she can’t ask someone else. It’s like she is trying to underpay me or something.

It’s Father’s Day on Sunday and they are making me work that day but wanted it off to spend time with my family but the majority of getting it swapped or getting cover from my neighbouring site is not looking good. I probably should have booked it off but my anxiety got the better of me due to thinking it was too short notice. I forgot that I could still fill out a holiday form less than 4 weeks but it more likely within 4 weeks. So everything is always my fault. In their eyes but I blame poor instructions.

However, someone from my neighbouring hotel site wanted a day off at short notice and someone managed to cover her from my site and so did a weekender. So what’s the difference with me? One of my colleagues gets away with things that I wouldn’t be able to get away with like using swear words as adjectives when speaking to management and colleagues. I know if I did that I would get into trouble. She gets a lot of preferential treatment and it makes me sick and bitterly jealous and she only works weekdays to be with her lovely boys. She is confident, neurotypical and has posh friends.

Due to the site I cover at sometimes being fully booked it looks like no one will help me as they look quite busy. Looks like no one will swap with me. I never get what I want whereas my colleague gets what she wants.

I kept having to chase up my manager about changing my shifts or getting cover but she ignored me yesterday and when she messaged me to cancel my shift this morning I asked her about it and she said my cover site are too busy to help and I would just have to see if they become quiet on Sunday. What does she think I am a mind reader? I am autistic and she doesn’t understand me at all. It’s exhausting pretending to be someone else at work all the time. After all the time I have covered the other site and no one will cover me back. I really shouldn’t have to keep figuring out what NTs want from me and explaining myself over and over again.

Stuff like this makes me wish I wasn’t autistic and want to kill myself. If I was neurotypical I probably wouldn’t get taken advantage of or have shifts cancelled as often. I would probably get away with a lot more. It’s like I can’t win.



JamesW
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2023
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 174
Location: London, UK

14 Jun 2024, 5:43 am

Really sorry to read this stuff.

As an autistic person I know where you're coming from. I hate to upset people, even when their behaviour deserves it. And yes, some people try taking advantage of this. I have had to learn to say no. It doesn't come naturally to me.

In your situation: I'm not a lawyer, but as far as I'm aware, in the UK it isn't legal to discriminate against an employee (whether they're autistic or not) because they don't have children. Citizens Advice may be able to tell you more.

Good luck.



Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,431
Location: .

14 Jun 2024, 6:20 am

Have had a fair few years of things like this myself and required to do compulsary overtime and never paid for it. I never even knew until a few years later that I was never on the companies books, as two key workers worked together to employ me, which is why I never had company bonuses, and also why my payslips never came with everyone elses payslips! I didn't know I was not officially employed at the time, but back in those days I never knew I was on the autism spectrum either.

It ended up in me going througn several breakdowns which could have been severe burnouts (Never diagnosed as I never knew what was happening to me so I could never open up to doctors etc as I never knew howto get the feelings out as they were trapped in, and me physically being effected would be put down to some sort of long term mystery virus or something like that.
It made me financially poor as I had to go through a year off here or there with no income, which is officially not allowed in the UK as one is supposed to sign on to look for work, but those peopls didn't let me, but doctors never signed me off sick either so I was caught on and off for about a decade in these years of no income as the work, breakdown/burnout process repeated itself.

Finally via desparation and it was a one last push to try and work out what was wrong and if I didn't find answers I would give up on life as I was desparate but didn't really want life to end but I was dead end stuck! So I spent weeks on the internet reesearching symptoms and trying to test or compare myself to see if they were relevent to me, which eventually lead me to autism as a possibility.(Had also had a life-long mystery "Illness" which wasn't an illness at all. Turned out to be shutdowns so the symptoms lead me to meltdowns which had the same triggers... By then I had joined this site and someone suggested shutdowns and gave me alink so accurately to the way I got them (Played out noticably physically, though mentally as well) that I thought for a moment that I had written it!
So when I went to the doctor I had not at the time known they had a name but I also know I had similarities with a lady I dated before who was on the spectrum, so I sort of was guessing that maybe I could be? It was eventually when being sidelined into researching prosopragnosia that I know I had messed up with a few people I knew due to this, as my Mum also had issues, that I came across "Ask An Autistic" on Youtube. She said the majority of those who had prosopragnosia were autistic. (Think around 80% was entioned?)
So when I saw the doctor and was trying to describe the shutdowns and asked if they could be meltdowns as to me the causes were linked and the doctor said "No way". (The doctor disn't seem to know about shutdowns to be honest, but she was excellent in that she referred me to be assessed as she took me seriously which was something the past doctors at another doctors surgery had not done and for decades I had got no where with them. Took four and a half years of waiting before I was finally assessed).

What I am saying is that it is not because they may know you are autistic. It is that they know they can take advatage of your kind personailty that they are doing this. I have moved from job to job each time I hit burnout which used to repeat every two years when I was younger, and it was needed for the recovery and the starting again (Though I was on edge for a year in the new job as I was learning routines), but I found I could not work outside of any of my special interests. I tried once or twice and it didn't last a day or lasted a few months but I couldn't go on... Yet again... Being taken advantage of by others refusing to listen and thinking it was me complaining about the workload. When I left three people were employed to do what I had to do and they immediately tried to get me back! I was hardly sleeping or eating. 6am to 8pm all physical work with a single 25 minute break the whole day. I was too tired tl eat when I came home. I was too nurvous to eat in the mornings before work... Was getting thinner and thinner on that job.

But yes. I HAD to keep to jobs that involved my special interests because of my skills... But like mentioned above, I was open to abuse.
The railways were better BUT still I found myself being pestered. If I said "No" to overtime when I was absolutley shattered, I would be badgered and badgered with phonecall after phonecall when I should have been asleep for the next shift until.I finally gave in and agreed to work overtime. (This was when Arriva was a company) and when I was once so run down I became ill, I was phoned every three hours through a 24 hour period before I decided I would get more rest working, so I came into work and was sent straight back home. That counted for "Two sicknesses" and if I went sick another time that year I would have the sack.I was going through a severe burnout/breakdown and my mind was jumping, so I handed in my notice as I knew I could not make it through to april without going ill as I was so run down (This was september. The new year started in april).
Was a mess after that as that was the first of many major burnout/breakdowns.
Sorry. I am writing too much.


_________________
Last edited by Mountain Goat on Febuary 31st, 2026, 12:42 am, edited 126 time in total.


Aspergers445
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 29 Jul 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 41
Location: Winnersh, Berkshire

14 Jun 2024, 7:05 am

Sometimes it can be hard for me to tell whether they are taking advantage of me or not or if it's just me being a drama queen who moans a lot. It's hard to tell or not if managers and colleagues are making me feel that way. Or in other words gaslighting me.

We might not even go ahead with father's day as my stepdad has been sick with covid and still positive today and if he's positive sunday then we might cancel to avoid contaminating other family members. Me and my mum are ok and clear of the virus but best for everyone to stay well. If that is the case then I might just do a Sunday shift to keep work happy. If it means earning money and keeping a job as well. I would have considered pulling a sickie and making my facebook status private to avoid getting caught and getting fired. But I probably won't have to take that risk now.

I have learnt to say no more and put my foot down otherwise I am allowing them to treat me the way they want to treat me.



JamesW
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2023
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 174
Location: London, UK

14 Jun 2024, 7:50 am

It is not you. It's them. They are taking advantage. You're fully entitled to the same conditions as everybody else.



Aspergers445
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 29 Jul 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 41
Location: Winnersh, Berkshire

14 Jun 2024, 8:15 am

I understand the UK can’t make singling out people with/without kids illegal but I still think they are taking advantage of me because of who I am and they know I am unusual. It’s neurotypicals making me feel this way. Making me feel like I am the one in the wrong.



Aspergers445
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 29 Jul 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 41
Location: Winnersh, Berkshire

15 Jun 2024, 11:04 am

Update: We have cancelled Father’s Day tomorrow due to mum also catching covid. We agreed that it would be safe to cancel the meal and do something when everyone is better. I am negative so I am relieved to be in the clear.

My boss messaged me this morning saying she would let me have tomorrow off and next time going forward to fill out holiday forms and prepare ahead. She has a point but I feel such a twat. I told her not to worry as we cancelled the meal due to my family having covid. I did a test this morning as I had a sore throat and was sneezing a bit yesterday. I am relieved to be in the clear but anxious as having to keep away from both my mum and stepdad. She suggested I stay at home if I am developing symptoms and rest. I just hope I don’t get a call from reception tomorrow asking where I am. According to my manager the company treat covid like flu and say I can still go in but told her I am not risking especially when I have to use public transport.



JamesW
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2023
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 174
Location: London, UK

17 Jun 2024, 5:08 am

Aspergers445 wrote:
I understand the UK can’t make singling out people with/without kids illegal


Quote from 'Childless employees in the workplace' https://realemploymentlawadvice.co.uk/2020/03/04/childless-employees-in-the-workplace-what-should-you-consider-2/ (this is advice from a firm of solicitors, aimed at employers) :

The statutory right to request Flexible Working applies to all employees (subject to eligibility), whether they have children or not.

You have a case. A solicitor (which I am not) will know which part of the Equality Act or other legal instrument is involved.