I'm Frightened about Jobs

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I have two part-time jobs, and in one of them, the hours have been dwindling so much that this month I took home half my usual pay. I do that job at home. In the other job, which is five hours a day, four days a week in an office, I am so miserable that I need to quit. Here's why:

I recently had my six-month review. The boss said I had great computer skills but that I was too quiet and too slow. She also said -- and this is the really scary part -- that I am not a quick thinker and my judgement needs work, and I'm not good at multi-tasking or organization.

It's not the first time I've heard this. Now and then over the years I've had a job where I was criticized in this way, and I either got fired or found out I was going to be fired and luckily found another job in time. I never knew why. I thought I was just stupid when it came to practical matters. Lately, though, I've come to realize there is a strong possibility that I have AS. I had the symptoms very badly from childhood through my 30's, but then I began working hard on my social skills. As a result, socially you couldn't tell anything was wrong with me. But in the office, if you were my boss, you could.

I need to find a new job anyway, because I need more money, and because my boss has turned out to be a very abusive bully. She makes me so miserable that I go home in tears nearly every day. But my job search is very difficult, because every job description I see calls for someone who "thinks fast on their feet," "has excellent judgment" and "can juggle many tasks in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment." I've never been good at those things, and now I'm 59 years old and post-menopausal, which certainly doesn't help.

But besides that, what I really am is a writer. I've nearly finished the book and lyrics to a new musical. It's based on an old movie, and the movie's producers (who granted me permission to do this) have said, literally, "if we find a composer whose music is as good as your lyrics, we'll have a winner." That's the kind of thing I'm really good at. But until my show is really finished and (hopefully) becomes a success, I need a paycheck.

My ideal job would be one where I can work at home, so I can be left alone to concentrate. Just give me a pile of raw material and I can spend hours on it, making it perfect. I have infinite patience and I don't get bored. I could do data entry all day -- no kidding. I've also actually considered applying for a job at Doggie Day Care (it involves cleaning the place and cleaning up after the dogs). It has bad hours (12 pm to 7 pm), but it is straightforward and doesn't call for "quick judgment" or multitasking.

The job market is just awful. I spent all day yesterday on Craigslist and found only one job (research and editing from home) that suited my abilities. I sent them my resume but I'm not optimistic (they said having a B.A. in science would be a plus, and I don't have that).

If I don't fix this situation I'm liable to get fired from my office job and lose my apartment, and I'll have to beg my sister to let me live in her basement.

P.S. I do have an appointment with the Bressler Clinic in Boston. They diagnose adults with autism spectrum disorder. I'm convinced I have AS, but I want medical proof.

Meanwhile, when it comes to jobs, what would you do if you were me? I'd be grateful for any advice. Thank you.

Higgie

But besides that, what I really am is a writer. I've nearly finished the book and lyrics to a new musical. It's based on an old movie, and the movie's producers (who granted me permission to do this) have said, literally, "if we find a composer whose music is as good as your lyrics, we'll have a winner."

Cool. Leave those employers, they're only jealous that you can be yourself. I wouldn't bother with looking for a job, 59 is a difficult age to get a job when you're a NT let alone have asperger. If I where you I would put your engergy in the above. Believe me chassing a stressful job is not worth ruining your health. Good luck.

Thank you very much. My original plan was to stick with my two jobs (if I can) until my show makes it to the stage. This musical is my big dream. I have this "boy am I gonna show you" fantasy that the bosses who treated me badly in the past see my show in the paper and see my name in the credits. You know something? I don't really want a job. There's nothing in any office anywhere that I truly want to do. I'm a writer. If I won the lottery I would totally stay home and write, write, write. Maybe my show will make it possible to do that! (BTW - what is an NT?)

Good or bad boss? A bad boss will use any excuse to ding you on a review. A good boss will point it out, and try to help you improve (or use your other strengths to overcome the problem areas).



(Putting on my managerial hat) Assuming you were a crappy employee, I'd just want you out and use whatever excuse I could come up with. If we didn't get along, I'd say things like that. However, there are few times where a few "reasonable accommodations" didn't help (in my field at least). You may simply be in the wrong line of work.



Yeah, wrong line of work. For telesales (been there, done that) I wouldn't hire someone who isn't fast on their feet nor a smooth talker.



My neighbor, up the street, left being a lawyer for writing books about dogs. So career changes happen to even NT's with bright futures. She's not a spring chicken (but really nice).



CL is hit-or-miss. Yeah, there can be a lot of jobs there, but there are also a lot of people who read it, and they're not all top notch. Even in large metropolitan areas... well I had better luck networking and with the dedicated job sites.

A 4 year degree may be mandatory in some areas (e.g. government) but for private firms, it can be (and has been) ignored. I wouldn't let that hold you back if you can be passionate and sound persuasive about your capabilities.



It's a roof and it's warmer than the streets. I would just consider it additional motivation to finding gainful (albeit temporary suffices) employment. It's much harder to find a job w/o a place to shower or receive mail or phone calls.



Stick it out. For a lot of the low (construction) to middle (clerical) jobs, it's tough. The unemployment numbers are incredibly high. Keeping that in mind let your boss know...

"Yes, I recognize that there are areas I need to work on, but I'm unsure of how to improve, can you suggest things like books, training or maybe just sit with me for a bit so I can improve?"
"I'm sorry, I'm trying but it's difficult right now due to XXX. I'll redouble my efforts, but I need help. You seem to understand what the challenges are, maybe you can give me a few pointers?"
"<Sigh>, I'm so sorry. I've been trying and following some suggestions from my research online. But it's not working out too well. What would you do if you were me?"

In the above, you are acknowledging the problem AND including your boss in the solution. When people are included, they feel a vested interest and are more likely to give you a little more leeway and generally provide some objective opinions. Even if your boss can't be objective, they're always ready to provide "feedback" aka criticism. If you make it work, they're glad to take credit. What you're hoping for is just a "wee" bit more time to improve.