Passed over for a job at my church

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

eb31
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 142

22 Apr 2010, 2:51 pm

I am upset about being passed over for this job and would like to know if I am overreacting and an appropriate way to handle this. As of now my feelings are hurt and I am strongly considering finding a new church for my family and I.

I have been an active member at a small church for several years and currently volunteer in Christian education. They recently created a paying position for someone to do the same thing I am doing now. I applied for this position and had an interview. The interview team was made up of people I interact with every week and I thought it went well. They told me that the board was going to meet and vote on the candidates.

The following Sunday I went to church and they announced the new employee. They had hired a complete stranger from outside the church! The board members did not even the courtesy to call me beforehand. I really feel like, despite my being a part of the congregation all this time, I am not one of them. I feel like it was a major slap in the face.

=(



kc8ufv
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jul 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 780
Location: Toledo, OH

22 Apr 2010, 3:23 pm

I have found many companies don't send out rejection letters anymore. Kinda sad, really.



eb31
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 142

22 Apr 2010, 4:02 pm

I would not have expected a notification if it had been some random company and I some random applicant.

I did, however, expect a little more consideration from people who are supposed to be "like family" to me and have shared with me an important part of my life. Is that an over the top expectation of NT people?



xalepax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2009
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,917

22 Apr 2010, 4:17 pm

oh man....I know how that feels!!
I understand you feel kinda betrayed and taken behind the back kinda.... the feeling "what was wrong with me, why didnt you take me?" could be rather painful right.
You know, I would suggest to actually approach them directly in this. Take a good moment when someone responsible have plenty of time with you. Ask very politely and kindly about "what happened" but say it in a good way, not accusing them. They should have a motivation behind it all, which you dont know about. But you can find out, so you dont have to walk around feeling so betrayed and sad over this. So you in time can move on and find new ways for yourself, and maybe come to terms with this church without leaving it.

Like "May I ask about that paid position you announced recently. On what grounds did you take that person on,what skills does he have that I dont? Im asking so I can improve myself and learn from it if I have done something that lead to me not beeing taken on. It would be useful for me to know"

Just think about it...


_________________
hi


Marcia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,218

22 Apr 2010, 5:05 pm

No wonder you feel upset. The church have handled this very badly, and you're right, this is totally different from a job with a random company.

I think you should, before you decide whether or not to go to another church, speak to the minister/priest and whatever other people you think are appropriate. This isn't only a matter of why they didn't think you were the best person for the job. It is also, and even more importantly in my opinion, a matter of how they value you as member of the church family. It could be that they felt awkward about it, but they should have spoken to you before announcing the new appointment publically like that.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.



eb31
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 142

22 Apr 2010, 5:16 pm

I appreciate the understanding, thank you. Yes, what hurt the most was the way it was handled and the fact that they chose a complete stranger. If it had been another member of our church I don't think I would have felt so slighted.

I am expected to continue in my volunteer position and I am not sure I can do that without feeling bitterness over this whole thing. The message I am getting loud and clear is that I am good enough to do the job for free, but not good enough to officially hire for it. That stinks.

I am horrible at communicating hurt feelings appropriately. I am thinking about writing a letter. I feel a little bit like, if I leave, it will be like stomping off in a 10 year old style huff, but I know that if I stay I am going to feel bitter and I don't want those feelings mixed with my worship.



Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,543
Location: East China Sea

22 Apr 2010, 6:21 pm

eb31 wrote:
I appreciate the understanding, thank you. Yes, what hurt the most was the way it was handled and the fact that they chose a complete stranger. If it had been another member of our church I don't think I would have felt so slighted.

I am expected to continue in my volunteer position and I am not sure I can do that without feeling bitterness over this whole thing. The message I am getting loud and clear is that I am good enough to do the job for free, but not good enough to officially hire for it. That stinks.

I am horrible at communicating hurt feelings appropriately. I am thinking about writing a letter. I feel a little bit like, if I leave, it will be like stomping off in a 10 year old style huff, but I know that if I stay I am going to feel bitter and I don't want those feelings mixed with my worship.


I'm sorry to hear you didn't get the job. You're right, they could have been nicer about it. I wonder if they were trying to be too 'professional' to mask their own discomfort at having to break the news to you.

I wouldn't bother writing a letter to them if I were you. It's over now, and the other guy's already hired. A letter won't change anything.

Equally, don't run away if the church is a big part of your life. Be professional back and just keep doing what you want to do, and if anyone asks you to handle more work than you are comfortable with or asks for repeated favours, don't feel bad about turning them down (you can even add 'I think that is (new guy)'s job, not mine'.

The bitterness may fade. Perhaps the other guy has more experience or qualifications. It's also possible that the others genuinely forgot to think about telling you in advance, or thought it may distress you (or them). Don't feel the whole church is against you, or that nobody in the audience is rooting for you; I'm sure many were. Try not to hold things against the new guy too; it's not his fault.

edit; just a thought; because this new position was paid, and open to external candidates, the church may have been under legal obligation not to favour you or tell you the outcome in advance. The other canditate may have been able to sue for discrimination if they had.



passionatebach
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2009
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 440
Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa

23 Apr 2010, 12:32 am

I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. I have had a similar situation happen to me and it sucks.

The chuch that I go to for example, will not hire members for paid positions. This is a rule that our church board put in a number of years ago to deal with issues such as confidentiality and conflicts of interests. Also, in some houses of worship, depending upon the denomination, people outside the congregation such as the district, or national office play a hand in determining who gets a church position. There are many different reasons as to why a church wouldn't hire a person who is a member of their congregation. Churches also have some pretty strange rules (I recently got some heat for bothering a paid employee who was on a "sabatical" regarding a project that she had worked on in the past that the minister wanted me to put my two cents into). I would find it tacky if they interviewed you, but should of let you know up front if this was the case.

I would talk to the board or your minister about what happened and wait for the next opportunity to pop up.



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,784

23 Apr 2010, 9:06 am

Ironically, I think churches should always hire from "outside."

Why?

Because, from what I see, churches get as political as any other human construct. Pastors hire who they like, and if they hire within the church congregation, you see people getting hired and promoted based on being in the pastor's "inner circle." It's rare to not see this happen. So, if they don't hire you over someone else, you wind up feeling like you aren't really close to the pastor.

Hiring someone outside the church means you don't slight anyone.



pineapple
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Apr 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 622
Location: california

23 Apr 2010, 10:52 pm

xalepax wrote:
Like "May I ask about that paid position you announced recently. On what grounds did you take that person on,what skills does he have that I dont? Im asking so I can improve myself and learn from it if I have done something that lead to me not beeing taken on. It would be useful for me to know"


I think this is fair enough to ask. They might lie, but they might not. I asked the same thing once, and was told, "you're too shy". And that was IT. Apparently I could have done everything right, but they were just looking for someone with a different personality.



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

24 Apr 2010, 2:15 pm

I think they should have called you but.....

I can understand them hiring someone from outside the church because this person, having nothing but a business relation with the church, can be more impartial when making certain decisions which might not sit well with some church goers but will ultimately benefit the church.

So now you don't have to worry about being thrown in the middle of church politics.

You could approach the board and kindly ask what their reason was for choosing someone outside of the church though.