Need help with a co-worker

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Greetings all! I am new to WP, however I have been reading through the forums for a while and I see some great advice being given. Unfortunately, I am in need of some advice, as I am experiencing... difficulties with a co-worker of mine who has nearly reduced me to tears on several occasions.

I work at a department store, similar to WalMart, as a nightfill. While my job isn't exactly "fun", I enjoy it quite a lot, it's a repetative job that requires a lot of manual labor. Because it's repetative, I never get too anxious (well, not from doing my job anyway), and the manual labor makes me feel better about myself, because I know that I am now fit (which I never was in school).

However, there is a person who has been working in the same store for three-and-a-half years longer than me, who for some reason, seems to enjoy making me miserable.

It all started several months ago, he would constantly request over the PA that I call him, and when I did, he'd continually tell me that I wasn't working hard enough (despite my best efforts). The first few times he did this, I was okay with it, but after several weeks, it was making me so anxious that my boss had started to notice that something was wrong. My boss assured me that he was more than happy with how fast I was working, and that he would have a word with this other person.

Ever since then, things have been rather unpleasant between the two of us. He will occasionally start yelling, refuse to help me, or otherwise throw insults at me. I'll give you all an example of something that happened the other day.

I had just started my shift. My first job for the night was the same job that the other fellow was doing. As I'm supposed to, I started helping him (he was working on "breaking down" a pallet of stock at the time). As soon as I did, he told me "get your own pallet" (now, I'm the first to admit, I'm horrible at understanding sarcasm, but he seemed to have a nasty tone of voice, so I never doubted that he was serious). When I asked him what was so wrong with me helping him, he said quite plainly "I don't like you". When I enquired as to what I had done to deserve being spoken to like that, I was told that all I had to do to annoy him was be me.

For the next few hours, we had to work together, and for all that time he was throwing insults at me. Now, I'm not above retaliating, and I did make some nasty comebacks to some of his more... hurtful insults. There was one stage when he walked past me and I honestly thought he was going to hit me. Well, I wasn't too far off, just a few minutes later, he actually did threaten to "mess up" my face. To be precise, he threatened me three times.

Naturally, I told my boss about this later that night. Now here's the weird thing, when my boss was telling the other guy off, he cried. I don't know if he cried because he was remourseful for what he had done, or (unlikely as it may seem), he was simply crying because he had been told off.

This is a very complicated issue for me, and I'll explain why. This guy is everything that I have ever aspired to be in life. He is confident, smart, social, and hard working. As a matter of fact, when he's not in one of his... uh, foul moods, I enjoy working with him more than anyone else. We are both friends with one of the women who works there as well. She assures me that he likes me too, and the way he acts is his idea of a joke. No matter how bad things get between us, she just keeps saying that he's joking.

I've told this guy on several occasions that if I do something to annoy him, I'd much rather he tell me about it so I can make sure to not do it again. I've also asked him just what it is he despises about me, to which his only response is "where to begin?".

This problem has caused me to lose much sleep, because there are so many factors at play here. Of course the most troubling question is "what should I do to make this guy stop hating me?". I appreciate any feedback I get on this issue.

he sounds like a bit of a bully, and he has prolly picked up on your aspie ways and is picking ojn you.
when you tell your supervisor to tell him off, this is seen amongst a lot of nt folk as "talkign out of school"
and is considered a social midermeanor and the peole who have done it are outcasted.
this is your first "mistake" from his point of view.
allthou i feel you should have gone to your supervisor.

try this..approach him and say this.

I have noticed we do not get on very well and i want to get on better with you but i have a hard time knowing what to do and how tro act because i have autism

then either wait foir him to repsond or just walk off.

i was having triouble at work to and i "camne out"

remember nt's have emotions and they will feel something for you if you tell them this, it is usually pity, but it is enough to get them off your back and allow them to understand you from their eomtoinal point of view.

I'm not sure where you are. In the 'States, this might constitute "creating a hostile working environment," which is the kind of thing companies get sued for, so I'd think your management would want to be right on top of it. But Donkey's right, it's better if you can work it out between the two of you. I've had to deal with s**t like this all my life. I've developed an attitude of, "Look this is the way I am, sorry if you don't like it, I'm not going to be what you need me to be so you can feel okay. (That would be co-dependence. And self-acceptance is the first step to receiving the acceptance of others.)" And when people who take joy in picking on you can't get a reaction out of you, they often stop. Remember, they want attention too. Don't reward behavior you don't want to see. He may actually like you and this is just how he shows it. As my mother said regarding my younger siblings, "Just ignore them."
-Hpoe this helps

blackchocobo

Your co-worker, great one minute/day/week, foul mood the next? It does seem like he has some serious problems of his own. Maybe everytime he just starts to get somewhere, his foul mood undoes all the good work. And maybe that's why he's working some crap-kicker department store job instead of something better.

If he's in a foul mood, he may just need some space. If he's saying stuff that makes no sense, you could just ask him outright - is he making a joke because you're not very good at figuring out when people are joking until you get to know them very well. You could even ask him if he needs some space right now, and let him know to come get you when he feels better, and avoid him for as long as it takes.

As for his jokes with the PA - I dunno, you just have to keep repeating it isn't funny, and make your reaction as boring as possible. Don't get excited or upset or insulting. And maybe just be a little slow to respond. Don't answer until the third call perhaps. Just to slow things down a little.

If you can possibly avoid going to the boss, do so. If you feel like going to the boss, take a minute, get yourself a drink of water or count to ten slowly and then go tell the problem guy as calmly as you can (walk away if you can't stay calm) that you're not handling his jokes/foul moods or whatever and you really don't want to talk to the boss about it, could he please do something else instead (give him something constructive to do). You really don't want to make your problem co-worker's life any more difficult than he already has it with what ever personal problems of his own, and you don't want to make work for your boss by having him sort it out if you can do it.

You could occasionally tell your problem worker that you enjoy working with him when he's not in a foul mood. And maybe tell your boss that too, that you had a good day with mr problem. Because otherwise the foul moods start to add up on the personnel file and mr problem could be mr problem with no job or a bad pay review and that would be tough for everybody.

Welcome to WP.

bosses get paid to be a boss. and when you have problems with someone you should have to see someone.. if you are in the states then this would be harrassement. and this jerk knows this.. why aspire to be someone like him? i bet his life is not what you think it is.. how can I tell? because people who have it together don't have to pick on other people. either they would leave you be because thats what a person of decent morals would do or they would have empathy for you and know that you have AS. this guy is NO ONE to admire. he is a looser who wants his life to look better to himself so he picks on who he thinks is weaker.. you maybe be not what he looks like but I know that your mind could work circles around his. he truthfully sounds like he is either Bipolar or he is on some sort of drugs.. the mood swings tell me that he is some pretty makor issues.. he cried maybe because this is not his 1st offense and they are on to him and have called him on his behavior before. of course you will not know this because its confindential. I think he wants to be a smart as you, as dedicated as you and just over all is jealous because you have your head on straight and he seems to be off in some other place. You are betther than he.. you will be better than he.. what makes your better is that you know that its wrong to bully others.. don't pay attention to a looser like him.. your boss likes who you are and understands you. and thats all that counts.. just remember they are watching him... so he will walk a thin line for a while.. mayeb this will get his head out of his ass and need to act like a real man!