Self-conscious to the extreme!! !

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The other day I notice that I am holding to myself tightly and tense because I notice I wanted to move around and speak my mind! Unfortunally I care apparently too much of what others think and its exhausting!! ! Self-conscious to the extreme!! My life evolves around what others think 99.9% and its interesting because I learn to respond what others want to hear and act like others would like ever since I was little. I tend to be quiet, tense, nervous, frustrated, with a fake smile. When I express my opinion I feel insecure and forget the fundamental of my opinion so I tend to simply agree with what others say, but inside I am boiling. I am an easy target of being bullied from my mom, siblings to in-laws and after any of their negative comments towards me I do not know how to respond so I simply agree because I don't want confrontation. Although I am totally myself with my husband I always express what I feel and with him I know exactly what to respond he says I am intelligent and have very strong character but I tend to shut it off, and turn into a mindless ret*d outside home. One of the reasons many Nts feel I do not have Asperger's... Anyone like this?

Aside from the family problems, and I'm only 19 so I'm not married. So replace the word husband with best friend and that entire paragraph just describes how I feel.

Yup

I completely understand how you feel! I feel the same way around people. Especially at work. That's the one thing I really dislike about working with people. I feel I can never stand up for myself and say "Hey, this isn't right." I actually coached for a high school sports team for awhile and got driven away because people were so completely rude and disrespectful to me. Even though I felt I disguised my lack of self confidence the parents I think could see otherwise and continually attacked me until I eventually resigned my position because I couldn't handle the harassment anymore. I think if I felt more confident in myself I would have been able to stand up to them and have told them where to stick it but I didn't. It felt like being in high school/junior high again. It's almost like some people have a radar for those of us who cannot defend ourselves. They use us for entertainment which is sick.

I completely understand how you feel! I feel the same way around people. Especially at work. That's the one thing I really dislike about working with people. I feel I can never stand up for myself and say "Hey, this isn't right." I actually coached for a high school sports team for awhile and got driven away because people were so completely rude and disrespectful to me. Even though I felt I disguised my lack of self confidence the parents I think could see otherwise and continually attacked me until I eventually resigned my position because I couldn't handle the harassment anymore. I think if I felt more confident in myself I would have been able to stand up to them and have told them where to stick it but I didn't. It felt like being in high school/junior high again. It's almost like some people have a radar for those of us who cannot defend ourselves. They use us for entertainment which is sick.

Extremely conscious? That sounds like an accurate description of how I am. I think I'm extremely self-conscious due to social anxiety, hyper thinking and an inferiority complex due to being bullied as a child which is another story. I tend to get embarrassed and feel stupid over every little mistake I make. I care way too much about what others think of me. The thoughts running through my head go like this every time I feel self-conscious: " I'm such a ret*d", " I feel so stupid", " I say the stupidest things", " I sound so weird" and more. I also tend to think about things I said long ago and feel completely stupid about it when most normal people either laugh it off or forget about it. Even when I watch some of my old childhood videos, I feel embarrassed over them because I didn't like what I was saying even when it was supposed to be cute and funny. My family tells me to get over it and that I should of outgrown this phase. Its not a phase with me but rather social anxiety dominating my mind. Once I was feeling so embarrassed about one of my old videos of me singing in the shower with my sister. I didn't like it because I thought that I sounded so stupid. My family thought it was cute and funny. Not me. My sister didn't make things any better by laughing and mimicking my voice from the video. That only made me feel more self-conscious. So I decided to take drastic measures. I deleted the video so that I wouldn't have to hear my embarrassing singing and my sister laughing at me. Eventually, my mom and sister found out and they were pissed off at me. I told them why I deleted it and they were ranting about what I did was mean and that being embarrassed wasn't an excuse. We argued and I got upset and I wanted to be left alone. My self-consciousness can make me do really stupid things sometimes like this. Being overly self-conscious is a curse!! !