Socializing at work

Post Reply New Topic

At my job, I mainly work with the woman who sits next to me. We work on a lot of projects together. Normally when I arrive work, she has her headphones on so I don't say hi to her. I rarely say hi to anyone anyways, but headphones, to me, are a sign of "do not disturb".

Today she told me that it stresses her out when I don't say "good morning". I explained the headphone thing to her and she understood but requested that I say good morning from now on.

I don't understand this at all. Why would she be stressed because I don't say "good morning"? We talk while working and it's not like I say good morning to anyone else.

Someone help me understand this!

It is the same at my workplace; if you don’t greet people in the morning then you’re perceived as having a bad attitude. The same doesn’t seem to apply at quitting time however, nobody tells anybody good-bye when they leave.

Not greeting someone is perceived as not acknowledging them, which is perceived as hostility.

Just say it, it doesn't take much effort to anyway. Though I wouldn't get stressed if someone doesn't say that to me as there's too many reasons why they might not have (forgot, thinking about something else at the time, etc).

Yeah it's just the custom and 'done thing' to say 'good morning' or hi or whatever. It's seen as rude if you don't do it. I don't have any problems saying it to people individually, but I feel very self conscious if there are a group of people you have to say 'good morning' to all at the same time. Luckily I start early at my current job so there aren't as many people around.

That’s true, perhaps that is way I loathe saying good morning it means I have acknowledge their existence. This would be fine except that it is the gateway to have to interact with them more.

Why should I have to acknowledge anyone's existence? That seems incredibly selfish as though they need validation from others. It's like how dogs behave. "I'm here! See me? Pet me! Pet me! Acknowledge me! Tell me how cute I am!"

She doesn't say hi to ME when I come into work. She is ALWAYS at her desk before me and doesn't look up to say hi. She never did. It's not like something she stopped doing because I didn't respond. If someone says hi to me, I always respond. I'm not rude. But she never once did the very thing she wants me to do. Hypocrite! She didn't think how it would make me feel when she said it "stresses her out". She didn't consider that then, she is making me feel obligated, and also putting pressure on me. All for her personal need of validation. I think she has more issues than wanting to be friendly or whatever.

I don't understand this at all.. my head is about to explode!

Can you explain why? I really don't get this.

I'm really scared that I will lose my job because of things like this; things I don't even know people want from me until they DEMAND it.

I'm back to post again because for some reason, this situation has completely unnerved me. I already felt that people think I am strange but now I am realizing that not only do people at work think I am strange (which I don't care about) but most of them probably downright don't care for me at all because of these stupid social games.

I am extremely kind to people at work and feel this is all so unfair. Isn't content of an entire relationship more important than two stupid words in the morning? I am always polite and try to help people out when they need it, I apologize and own up to my mistakes, etc.

I am worried that my ASD combined with my physical health problems are going to make people fed up with me.

I'm probably just being ultra-paranoid because of what happened yesterday, but after an entire lifetime of not being liked by most people and people telling me I'm weird and, it's hard to combat this negative thinking. I'm trying my best. I know I shouldn't assume...

Chin up; you may just be letting your imagination run wild. Try and focus on the positive and just wait and see what happens next week at work.

Thank you.

I have been doing some uplifting things to improve my mood since my last post. I am just going to be myself and say hello with a smile. I'll keep fighting; I don't give up so easily. There's no reason why people at work should dislike me. I've done nothing wrong. My coworkers just probably think I'm strange, is all.

That’s the spirit; I think you’ll do well.

I saw this thread earlier but didn't have the time to post. I meant to say that "if she's so preoccupied with greetings, maybe she should open her mouth first then, because you'd return it right?"
then I saw this now:

She sounds like nothing but a drama queen and a hypocrite to me. Maybe she was PO'd for something unrelated to you and was spoiling for a fight?

If I had been in that situation, I would have asked why she didn't say it if it was so important to her.

I might not actually have done this but I would have been very tempted to put on a show about how it stresses me out to walk past her every day when she just ignores me! Maybe I'd even throw in a comment about how her wearing headphones made me feel she tuning me out.

Sure it wouldn't cost me much to say hi, but I would have wanted an explanation on her part first, because if I'm being "hostile" by not greeting, what is she then, who actually cares about such things and still never say anything?

I never greet anyone, unless they do first.

Just wondering, kouzoku... You said in your first post that you work on a lot of projects together. What's she like then?

Or playing some weird power trip game.

To humour her you could make some sort of gesture in her direction in the morning. Nod at her or something, but it is a strange request. Is she the queen or something?

Or maybe the tyrant from the legend of William Tell!