AS causing trouble at work (Warning: possibly offensive)

Page 1 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

NorahW
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 109

05 Nov 2006, 4:13 am

Because of my undiagnosed AS, I'm having trouble at work, and no one will believe I have AS.

I had taken 18 months off from working because of stress and worrying about AS symptoms showing up at work, ever since I found out about AS. I used up most of my retirement fund, which was very foolish for someone nearly 50, but I was afraid of having a nervous breakdown if I didn't take some time off.

Anyway, I was lucky enough to get the first job I interviewed for. It was supposed to last for 90 days, with the understanding that it could become permanent if things worked out. Because I didn't even know if it was going to be permanent or not, and because I was terrified of any more interviews, and because I really liked the boss and co-worker and other people I met, I was very happy & thrilled to accept the job when they offered it to me, even though there were two things I was worried about (besides being temp-to-perm, which was scary too). 1. The owner of the company could be difficult to deal with and 2. I would be the backup receptionist...would be receptionist for 1.5 hours in the morning, then also take over at the regular receptionist's lunch, breaks, errands, etc.

I don't think well on my feet at all in anything social. I'm assuming that's because of AS, plus anxiety contributes. All situations at the receptionist desk are different, require different handling. Some things are supposedly common sense, but I lack that as well, as a result of AS.

I had my 90-day review a week ago, and it was actually good and they are going to keep me. My boss knows I'm not comfortable as a backup receptionist, but she says I'm doing well at that as well as my other job.

I'm just afraid I'll have a mini-meltdown at the front desk because I can't handle something some day, especially when there are several calls coming in. The owner of the company can be intimidating at times as well. I also worry that the others in the company don't like me, and that they will think I'm like the owner, who also lacks social skills and may be Aspie himself. Although I'm afraid of him too, I almost feel at times like he's cutting me some slack because maybe he had problems like that too. But I don't want to present the way he does now...he can be very intimidating, like I mentioned. He is probably not even AS, it's just something I keep thinking. (He is totally focused on one thing at a time. He loses stuff. He picks up people's accents and starts talking like them when he's been with them awhile. He has no charisma. These are things I've heard people associate with AS in people, so I keep thinking he does and what if he does, he's a bad example of it, and am I like him?)

I brought up my possible AS to my boss and another person in my department, in explaining why I have so many problems on the phone and fear of making mistakes socially. She had some knowledge of it but I think associates it with kids who are obsessed with one topic and want to talk about it all the time, or to do one thing all the time, or that it was similar in some ways to OCD (which then prompted the co-worker to tease my boss about a couple of OCD-like traits she might possess!) Anyway, they didn't think it was my problem, probably just that I need more confidence. I also mentioned the fact that I haven't been actually diagnosed, and mentioned how many doctors I've seen about AS that think I don't have it (I believe that I'm scared at the last minute of a diagnosis and bring up all the stuff that couldn't point away from AS.)

Now I've started bringing it up to my co-workers and I don't want to keep doing this! I mentioned it to a couple of people when we were out after work last night (someone was leaving the company). I don't remember what the topic was, but I brought it up and got the following responses: 1. One guy said he'd studied in some in psychology, a field he thought he might go into at one time. He first said he thought only kids had it; then he said isn't it usually men that are AS. I said that AS kids do grow up, and that there probably are more AS women than suspected because many of us present differently. 2. The other guy mentioned that his sister's husband's sibling has an Aspie son, who talks alot about certain interests. They both seemed to think that the fact that I was so concerned about social reactions might mean I'm not AS, which of course doesn't at all rule out AS, but I didn't want to get into it any more with them because I thought it would cause more problems.

So now I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job eventually over 1. Not being good on the front desk, and 2. Bringing up AS all the time.

I still worry constantly about which of my symptoms are AS and which aren't, which is why I quit my last job. I constantly worry that I'm taking things literally, missing meanings, etc. I don't understand how anyone can think I don't have AS...I would think everyone must know there's something different about me. I think they just don't want to say so.

I wish there was some way I could get away from being the backup receptionist. I wouuldn't need to see as many people that way and wouldn't need to deal with the owner nearly as much. I wouldn't need to worry if people were having a get-together after work and not inviting me, which was a worry earlier in the week because of Halloween...it sounded like they were rhaving a get-together. Though they did invite everyone to the gathering after work the other night for the guy who was leaving.

Of course I can't tell the boss all that, but I thought if I brought up that I'm not exactly front desk material though I'd be glad to fill in there if someone was sick or something. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do?



Last edited by NorahW on 05 Nov 2006, 4:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mitch8817
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,881
Location: Victoria, Australia

05 Nov 2006, 4:19 am

>>Because of my undiagnosed AS, I'm having trouble at work, and no one will believe I have AS.<<

I only read this. Obviously you need to get an official diagnosis and produce the papers to your doubters.



NorahW
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 109

05 Nov 2006, 4:26 am

Mitch8817 wrote:
>>Because of my undiagnosed AS, I'm having trouble at work, and no one will believe I have AS.<<

I only read this. Obviously you need to get an official diagnosis and produce the papers to your doubters.


This is not as easy as it seems. I've been to 9 doctors trying to get a diagnosis, and all I get are: Avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD. (The OCD is because I'm obsessed with AS.) Apparently, though it's noticeable to anyone else who knows me, when I go to the doctor I don't present as AS. Plus, I have a problem accepting that I'm AS, am somehow afraid of a diagnosis though I realize I need one, and at the last minute I bring up stuff about my childhood to the doctors that makes them think my difficulties may come from something else.



hyperbolic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,869

05 Nov 2006, 12:50 pm

Quote:
This is not as easy as it seems. I've been to 9 doctors trying to get a diagnosis, and all I get are: Avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD. (The OCD is because I'm obsessed with AS.) Apparently, though it's noticeable to anyone else who knows me, when I go to the doctor I don't present as AS. Plus, I have a problem accepting that I'm AS, am somehow afraid of a diagnosis though I realize I need one, and at the last minute I bring up stuff about my childhood to the doctors that makes them think my difficulties may come from something else.


Quote:
(The OCD is because I'm obsessed with AS.)


Trust your doctors' judgements on this, seek therapy, and stop worrying about having Asperger's. Life is much better without worry, from my experience.



codarac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2006
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 780
Location: UK

05 Nov 2006, 3:24 pm

xon wrote:
Quote:
This is not as easy as it seems. I've been to 9 doctors trying to get a diagnosis, and all I get are: Avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD. (The OCD is because I'm obsessed with AS.) Apparently, though it's noticeable to anyone else who knows me, when I go to the doctor I don't present as AS. Plus, I have a problem accepting that I'm AS, am somehow afraid of a diagnosis though I realize I need one, and at the last minute I bring up stuff about my childhood to the doctors that makes them think my difficulties may come from something else.


Quote:
(The OCD is because I'm obsessed with AS.)


Trust your doctors' judgements on this, seek therapy, and stop worrying about having Asperger's. Life is much better without worry, from my experience.


I disagree. I'd find it pretty difficult to trust those doctors seeing as they've come up with at least four different diagnoses. My doctor hadn't even heard of Asperger's Syndrome. I would advise that NorahW see a specialist in the Asperger's field.



NorahW
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 109

05 Nov 2006, 6:17 pm

>>>>I disagree. I'd find it pretty difficult to trust those doctors seeing as they've come up with at least four different diagnoses. My doctor hadn't even heard of Asperger's Syndrome. I would advise that NorahW see a specialist in the Asperger's field.[/quote]

Hi, I'd better clarify. 4 of the doctors I saw did have experience with AS and autism. These were a neuropsychologist, a neurologist, a psychiatrist, and psychologis. The psychiatrist and psychologist work mainly with people on the autism spectrum. The neuropsychologist, I believe, mostly with people on the spectrum. The neurologist deals with other issues, I believe, but also heads up a new autism research center. Three of these people were recommended by the autism clinic at the University of Washington in Seattle (which deals wit children only.)

My concern was that they work mostly with male Aspies and children, and there might be a lot of difference in presentation between men and women, and between adults and children.

I also spoke with someone in New York by phone that was listed on the GRASP site, but it's hard to diagnose someone by phone and while he didn't say I have AS, he didn't say I don't have it either. He did recommend going to someone at the University of California. This leads me to believe: Are only certain people in the world able to diagnose AS? The guy in NY who has diagnosed a lot of Aspies there; Tony Attwood, Simon Baron-Cohen, and maybe the people at the University of California? Or some of the people at the University of Pittsburgh. I'm getting to the point where I wouldn't believe anyone but them...when you talk to an expert like the doctor in NY recommended on the GRASP site, he didn't even know anything about any of the people in Seattle, though some of them are well though of here.

About the multiple diagnoses: All 9 doctors I saw (this includes the ones with AS knowledge) believe I have social anxiety disorder, and about half also diagnosed Avoidant Personality Disorder (which is basically just an extreme form of social anxiety disorder .) Several of them also said generalized anxiety disorder. The last therapist I saw at a large HMO, would not share any diagnosis with me beyond OCD and social anxiety disorder...he believed I was obsessed with whether or not I have AS and that to tell me one way or another if I had it or not, was just feeding into that.

But I don't see how I can't have AS. Social interactions have always been very difficult to me, and I always am making mistakes, which is why I've become so avoidant. But because I come across as overly "nice" and shy, people just think I lack confidence and if I had confidence I'd be able to do well in social situations because the anxiety, which they think is causing the difficulty, is gone. But I believe it's far more than that. I never say the right thing. People never seem to like me that much at work, and I never try to socialize anywhere but when I did they didn't like me that mcuh there either. Every so often someone would take an interest in me that seemed as if they were trying to be helpful, but I always felt the difference there even if the person meant well and maybe even liked me.

I never know what to do in any situation involving people, and never seem to have access to common sense. I don't understand how I've been able to hold a job for all t hese years; but it's never been a well-paying or managerial job. If I was able to do anything else I'd run far away from any job involving being a receptionist, but I've been doing OK in credit and collections, and employers seem to think if you're good on the phones doing collections, you can do anything on the phones.

But there are sort of "scripts" (not literal scripts, but the coversations go a certain way) in collections. There are things you're expected to sayy about why they owe, for instance. And after awhile even an extremely socially inept person like me is able to learn and follow these scripts. Receptionist phone and other interaction is totally random. Anyone could call or come in for any reason at any time and demand to see/speak to the owner or one of the managers, for instance, and be very hard to turn away. There is a possibility that a disgruntled former employee would serve a lawsuit on the owner of the company, and the receptionists have been warned of this and to refuse anything that came in from that person. But I also don't deal well with several demands at once, and if a messenger was there with a subpoena or worse from that person, plus I had several phone calls on hold, I might miss something...I realized this the other day when I was dealing with the owner and his girlfriend panicking about a package they thought wasn't going to arrive, and someone left a drawing that had been couriered to us on the front desk without my knowledge!

So there is so much that can go wrong just in that one area; consider how much else can and does go wrong contstantly anywhere else. If I could afford it, I would never work. I never thought I would be able to handle a job, and my dad concurred though there was no diagnosis then. One guy joked I should just get married to some guy who could support me; but I wouldn't have been able to handle marriage and a family either. There are just so many things I can't do and never will be able to, and I just get so sick of people telling me I need more confidence or someone with my intelligence should be able to do XXXX or to think of YYYYY. I just get sick of this and just want to be able to show them a paper to keep them off my back.

And if I could get diagnosed finally with AS maybe if someone who knew AS could work with me they could help me find out what I could do, or better ways to handle things that I have trouble with, instead of using NT models of therapy to deal with someone with an AS brain, though I do think I have had some luck with cognitive-behavioral therapy. But there are just so many basic things that everyone knows and can do that I don't know and can't do, that any therapist not knowing about AS thinks I'm just makinig s**t up or being overly negative or anxious...they don't get that ***stuff that is easy for them and many NT's is hard for me***! !! !!



pluto
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2006
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,576
Location: Paisley,Scotland UK

05 Nov 2006, 7:54 pm

NorahW wrote:
Mitch8817 wrote:
>>Because of my undiagnosed AS, I'm having trouble at work, and no one will believe I have AS.<<

I only read this. Obviously you need to get an official diagnosis and produce the papers to your doubters.


This is not as easy as it seems. I've been to 9 doctors trying to get a diagnosis, and all I get are: Avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD. (The OCD is because I'm obsessed with AS.) Apparently, though it's noticeable to anyone else who knows me, when I go to the doctor I don't present as AS. Plus, I have a problem accepting that I'm AS, am somehow afraid of a diagnosis though I realize I need one, and at the last minute I bring up stuff about my childhood to the doctors that makes them think my difficulties may come from something else.


If it's any help,I'm self-diagnosed with AS (99% certain I've got it) but even so I
reached a Supervisor position in my office job (exports).I understand your concerns
but you may be underestimating your own abilities ! The fact that you are aware of and concerned about potential misunderstandings etc shows that you are more conscientious
than a lot of workers.It's impossible not to be worried about things to some extent but
I used to find that by worrying too much I'd be caught in a vicious circle.

Although you haven't had an official diagnosis for AS, the other conditions that the doctors have mentioned,whether they are symptoms of AS or not,would in themselves
justify the need for your company to offer some help.Anxiety disorders are every bit as
real as AS and if you have a note from a doctor along these lines then it may be worth
considering asking your boss for some help on that basis in the meantime. You can
still try to clarify whether you have AS or not if that is going to ease your anxiety.
Hope things get better



NorahW
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 109

05 Nov 2006, 9:54 pm

>>Although you haven't had an official diagnosis for AS, the other conditions that the doctors have mentioned,whether they are symptoms of AS or not,would in themselves
justify the need for your company to offer some help.Anxiety disorders are every bit as
real as AS and if you have a note from a doctor along these lines then it may be worth
considering asking your boss for some help on that basis in the meantime. You can
still try to clarify whether you have AS or not if that is going to ease your anxiety.
Hope things get better<<<

Thanks! That is a possibility...I hadn't thought of that.



NorahW
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 109

06 Nov 2006, 9:35 pm

I went over my afternoon on the phones today, and found that alot of my problem was anxiety...worrying that someone would call and I couldn't handle it, worrying I handled a call wrong, worrying the owner was talking to the HR director about firing me when he asked to talk to her after asking me a question, etc., etc. The only thing I did do wrong is sound anxious when the owner called in, and that's due to anxiety, not inability, though it does cause inability after a while. So maybe I should just try to get over my anxiety and not worry so much if I have AS and therefore am not suited to the job? (I'm sure Aspies have been receptionists before....)



julieme
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 184
Location: Wisconsin

06 Nov 2006, 11:26 pm

Actually does it matter if you have OCD/Social anxiety or aspergers?

I have OCD and AS.

For OCD - I can be sucessfully treated with medication --

For AS I can behavior modify and learn about theory of mind so I can explain when stuff happens.


Try the OCD treatment.

Then talk to your doctor about the AS symptoms if they continue. You can find a list of AS symptoms in the DSM. Theory of mind is a big part of it.

Just today I made two goofs. Both were funny but it is just part of having AS.

Some one asked for instructions on how to do something that made no sense. I told them how without asking what the heck they were thinking of... Had to go back later and explain that they were trying to something easy in a very complicated way.

Also a sales rep from germany noticed my last name and asked if my family had ever been back to Germany since emigrating. I said yes. They asked when and why. I said 1945 with General patton - the French sales reps started to laugh and the conversation ended.

If you have AS - all the OCD meds in the world won't stop stuff like this from happening



hyperbolic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,869

07 Nov 2006, 12:04 am

Quote:
Also a sales rep from germany noticed my last name and asked if my family had ever been back to Germany since emigrating. I said yes. They asked when and why. I said 1945 with General patton - the French sales reps started to laugh and the conversation ended.


lol



Gracebewithyou
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 8 Oct 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 5
Location: Mississippi

08 Nov 2006, 2:28 am

NorahW wrote:
I'm just afraid I'll have a mini-meltdown at the front desk because I can't handle something some day, especially when there are several calls coming in. The owner of the company can be intimidating at times as well. I also worry that the others in the company don't like me, and that they will think I'm like the owner, who also lacks social skills and may be Aspie himself. Although I'm afraid of him too, I almost feel at times like he's cutting me some slack because maybe he had problems like that too. But I don't want to present the way he does now...he can be very intimidating, like I mentioned. He is probably not even AS, it's just something I keep thinking. (He is totally focused on one thing at a time. He loses stuff. He picks up people's accents and starts talking like them when he's been with them awhile. He has no charisma. These are things I've heard people associate with AS in people, so I keep thinking he does and what if he does, he's a bad example of it, and am I like him?)

I brought up my possible AS to my boss and another person in my department, in explaining why I have so many problems on the phone and fear of making mistakes socially. She had some knowledge of it but I think associates it with kids who are obsessed with one topic and want to talk about it all the time, or to do one thing all the time, or that it was similar in some ways to OCD (which then prompted the co-worker to tease my boss about a couple of OCD-like traits she might possess!) Anyway, they didn't think it was my problem, probably just that I need more confidence. I also mentioned the fact that I haven't been actually diagnosed, and mentioned how many doctors I've seen about AS that think I don't have it (I believe that I'm scared at the last minute of a diagnosis and bring up all the stuff that couldn't point away from AS.)

Now I've started bringing it up to my co-workers and I don't want to keep doing this! I mentioned it to a couple of people when we were out after work last night (someone was leaving the company). I don't remember what the topic was, but I brought it up and got the following responses: 1. One guy said he'd studied in some in psychology, a field he thought he might go into at one time. He first said he thought only kids had it; then he said isn't it usually men that are AS. I said that AS kids do grow up, and that there probably are more AS women than suspected because many of us present differently. 2. The other guy mentioned that his sister's husband's sibling has an Aspie son, who talks alot about certain interests. They both seemed to think that the fact that I was so concerned about social reactions might mean I'm not AS, which of course doesn't at all rule out AS, but I didn't want to get into it any more with them because I thought it would cause more problems.

So now I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job eventually over 1. Not being good on the front desk, and 2. Bringing up AS all the time.

I still worry constantly about which of my symptoms are AS and which aren't, which is why I quit my last job. I constantly worry that I'm taking things literally, missing meanings, etc. I don't understand how anyone can think I don't have AS...I would think everyone must know there's something different about me. I think they just don't want to say so.

I wish there was some way I could get away from being the backup receptionist. I wouuldn't need to see as many people that way and wouldn't need to deal with the owner nearly as much. I wouldn't need to worry if people were having a get-together after work and not inviting me, which was a worry earlier in the week because of Halloween...it sounded like they were rhaving a get-together. Though they did invite everyone to the gathering after work the other night for the guy who was leaving.

Of course I can't tell the boss all that, but I thought if I brought up that I'm not exactly front desk material though I'd be glad to fill in there if someone was sick or something. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do?
This could be Social Anxiety you can read more about this here http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/for ... hp?t=22866 also paxil works well for this disorder,I was on this for two months ,but due to its side effects I stop taking them.


_________________
John 15:18-20 ?If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it..


computerlove
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Age: 123
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,791

08 Nov 2006, 11:21 pm

NorahW wrote:
I had my 90-day review a week ago, and it was actually good and they are going to keep me. My boss knows I'm not comfortable as a backup receptionist, but she says I'm doing well at that as well as my other job.


1.- The review was good
2.- They are going to keep you,

So?
I don't see a problem!
Norah stop worrying so much !

:)



crisco
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 10 Nov 2005
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 56

10 Nov 2006, 2:16 pm

what is not included in this discussion is the one of the best methods of treating OCD is drug thearpy. I had OCD at work and it killed my efficiency. I took Luvox for OCD and my OCD has significantly decreased.

The solution is multifold. First, see psycharist and ask them for possible drugs. Luvox works really, really but it takes several months before the drug starts to work well. Also, try to seek thearpy on a biweekly basis for somebody who has expertise in your disorder. Word of mouth and the internet combines is the best way to find the best person is who fit to treat your disorder.



NorahW
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 109

15 Nov 2006, 2:58 am

computerlove wrote:
NorahW wrote:
1.- The review was good
2.- They are going to keep you,

So?
I don't see a problem!
Norah stop worrying so much !

:)


Because I suck at the receptionist part of the job, and they are not going to take that part away from me for whatever reason. I'm afraid I'll get fired over my actions on the front desk, which would be unfortunate because I do the other part well. Also being near the front desk puts me right in the middle of hearing all the social stuff that's going on, who's going to lunch together, who's going out together after work, and it is just not good for me to hear those things. Better to be where nothing's going on so I don't have to feel left out.



computerlove
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Age: 123
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,791

16 Nov 2006, 6:06 pm

Norah, try not to get anxious about "thinking if you'll probably mess it up sometime in the future".

Why? Because it hasn't happened and you're already worrying about it. Think about it, you are worrying for something that only exists as a posibility, not a reality.

Also, if you say that "I suck being a receptionist", learn from your mistakes, learn what have you done in the past, and how to fix them / make it better.

As the guy from Project Runway says "make it work"

:)

good luck Norah!