Do you fear both working and not finding work ?

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crystalc1973
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23 Sep 2014, 11:58 am

My husband and I have been living on what is left of a trust fund from my late grandmother for the past several years, however these funds will be done soon and next year I must go back to school to train for a career. For now, I do freelance writing and he makes and sells sandals to tourists (we live in Jamaica) but those don't make much money. I have a university degree in psychology, but that is useless for finding a job, I have decided to go into nursing and I do look forward to that, but I will also have to support myself since student loans only go so far. I was a stay at home mother for the 13 years of my former marriage and did not work at all during that time, I married young to my first husband and had worked very little before that. I always struggled from anxiety and executive functioning issues in any job I had and usually ended up quitting, so my work experience is very limited. I have a terrible track record when it comes to getting hired and if I do manage to get a job, I may very well get so discouraged if I make mistakes that I will simply walk away, yes I have actually done that before too, not said anything, just walked away from a job and not looked back. I have had to resort to working in the sex trade industry since that it the only type of job I could get unfortunately, it was that or live in the streets. I absolutely dread next year, having to go back to my country and inevitably end up working in the "meat markets" once again. It's basically impossible for me to get any other type of work, I have never waited tables, done cash, nothing most people have done, but then again those skills are not the most aspie-friendly to begin with so it's no wonder I never developed them. I wish I could be a "normal person" and conduct myself in a normal way at a regular job like working in a bank or clothing store, but I simply cannot. Anytime I try to do work like that I get all nervous and mess it up. It would be different if I have a professional career I have trained for, but just a job is different. I am hard to train, I know that, most people think I ask way too many questions, as I need things clarified before I can proceed and I take things so literally. I wish I could just get a sufficient amount of disability benefits and avoid having to work at all. I have a simultaneous fear of both not being able to find work and work itself. Can anyone else relate to this?



mr_bigmouth_502
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23 Sep 2014, 5:47 pm

Honestly, I can relate. Back when I had a job, I liked how it gave me something to do with my spare time, as well as the money and the social structure it provided, which allowed me to make friends more easily. What I didn't like was the actual work itself and all the demands it entailed, as well as the fact that I would often spend days doing boring, mind-numbing s**t while I could have been pursuing my special interests, or simply relaxing. The worst was when I would have to go into work despite not feeling 100% healthy; in high school I could just cut class with little to no repercussions, but in a workplace, they don't care if you're feeling sick, depressed, sleep-deprived, hungover, whatever, they want you to be a slave.

I'm trying to find a job right now so that I can get my life straightened out, make a few bucks, and have something to focus on besides my personal issues, since I find that I tend to feel even more reclusive and depressed than usual when I'm "idle". At the same time though, I feel like I'm in no shape to work mentally, and I can't find any jobs I actually want to do. I need to work so I can feel better about myself, but I need to feel better about myself in order to work. I want to work, but I don't want to work. Work sucks, and so does sitting in my basement online all day. Really, I just want to be pulled out of my current situation and handed something better on a silver platter.



LandserCommando
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23 Sep 2014, 6:39 pm

I can relate as well. I have suffered from Asperger's, anxiety, ADD, and depression my entire life, and these maladies have my working life difficult. I have had a few good jobs I really enjoyed, but all of them have been temporary. I spent the summer with a family member in a faraway state, there I had a job that I tremendously enjoyed and did very well. My supervisor and co-workers were very patient and understanding, and there I thrived. However before I knew it I had to leave it and return to California. I got another job in a kitchen in a rest home, but unlike the last one my supervisor is very cold(almost emotionless), strict and not understanding at all. I am constantly rushed and often become overwhelmed.
As an aspie I have problems following and remembering directions and procedures, recognizing measurements in time and length, taking things to literally, and In addition, my ADD makes me easily distracted, forgetful and unable to focus. I am currently on ritalin and lexapro to treat these things.
My suggestions for coping:
1. Tell management of your affliction. For years I hid it from employers, friends, and potential romantic partners. It really only hurts you both. Open communication is key.
2. Take notes on what you are supposed to do per desires of management, and review them.
3. Dont be afraid to ask to be reminded or for help.
4. Be strong. When it gets overwhelming, pause, take a deep breath, and try to presevere.

Hope I could help. God bless.



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23 Sep 2014, 7:18 pm

To be honest, I can relate too.

Pro: Money and feeling that I'm contributing.

Con: The only jobs I have a chance at I wouldn't want for several reasons, and I can't live with a boring/poor fit job and enjoy the companionship of my colleagues, like most NTs can. I also dread losing my precious spare time as I love having all this free time. I need to either do something I'm truly interested in, or have a lot of me-time.


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zer0netgain
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24 Sep 2014, 4:25 am

Me too.

I enjoy working, and want to work, but I rarely find a place I fit in, and once I have a job, a part of me is always afraid of losing it because I don't fit in or something forces me out.

As I get older, this is even worse.

Unemployment is a trial for me. I HATE the application and interview process, and it's emotionally draining and ultimately depressing to the point of suicidal thoughts after the second month of looking for a job.



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24 Sep 2014, 9:33 am

zer0netgain wrote:
Me too.

I enjoy working, and want to work, but I rarely find a place I fit in, and once I have a job, a part of me is always afraid of losing it because I don't fit in or something forces me out.

As I get older, this is even worse.

Unemployment is a trial for me. I HATE the application and interview process, and it's emotionally draining and ultimately depressing to the point of suicidal thoughts after the second month of looking for a job.


Ditto.

I am petrified of starting new things and worry myself sick about losing my job when there's any interpersonal hiccups.

Of course, I have probably also turned down some great work because I was afraid of change and the uncertainty that comes with it, and my fear that I won't be able to hit if off with new coworkers or clients once I've settled in with current ones and that makes me mad at myself for holding my own self back? But, then I think again, I probably would've gotten the job, changed everything and then sacked before my 90 days was up and putting myself in a horrible financial bind and not being able to find another job on short notice.

I'm getting a stomach ache just thinking about it.



jerry00
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24 Sep 2014, 1:00 pm

crystalc1973 wrote:
I have a simultaneous fear of both not being able to find work and work itself. Can anyone else relate to this?


Yes, a few years back I was in a miserable near-minimum wage job that I hated, I was desperate to find another better paid job, because I feared for my mental health if I continued (my boss had no clue at all, always making me do pointless things, and telling me "she knows best" - even as her company was losing money), but I was also deeply afraid of what the new job might be. At this point I had basically been working on my own for three years, she liked to make sure none of the employees spoke in the office, this was fine for an aspie like me at first, but after three years of not having to ever socialise, I basically lost all social skills. So the idea of interviewing for a job at a larger company with more employees, and then having to actually talk to them, was very frightening.

But I did it, and I got a 70% pay rise (and been getting regular pay rises since). Almost no one is getting pay rises these days, what I've done is nothing short of a miracle. So how did I do it?

The key is to never sell yourself short. I was guilty of this big time, I would see job ads and think, "well, they'll never give it to me". But how could I possibly know that? And even if it were true, what's the harm in applying anyway? They'll have to read my application and it will waste their time? Well boo hoo. Why should I care? I shouldn't and you shouldn't either. The fact is they get PAID to read job applications that we don't get paid to send. Don't ever let yourself feel guilty for sending an application.

You believe that your Psychology degree is worthless, but it's worth whatever you make of it. I work in IT and I know at least two colleagues with Psychology degrees. They are capable well respected people at my company. I don't have a degree at all.

Keep changing your CV and cover letters. Become a moving target. Even if you just change the layout and the wording every month, it's going to help. If someone rejected your CV once, they'll reject it the next time too, unless it looks different enough to trick them into reading it properly. Recruiters aren't nice people, they lie on a daily basis, with the intention of tricking people. You need to learn how to trick them and not feel guilty about it.

At my last job I had to answer the phones, at least twice a week a recruiter would phone us up and lie that the director had asked to speak to them, "hey I just got off the phone with your Director, can you please put me back through?", this was always a lie, and it happened many times.

Apply for any job you're at least 60% sure you can do, let them take on the burden of working out if you can actually do it. You'll be way more successful than if you only apply for jobs you're 100% sure about.

Before you know it you'll be getting interviews, and messing a lot of them up, this is a GOOD thing, the more mistakes you make, the more you can learn from them. Meeting new people is very difficult for me too, but you have to do what you have to do. There's so much good advice online about interview techniques, and many good answers you can memorise.

If you give them the answer they want to hear, it doesn't really matter if you read it online or made it up yourself, the point is, you just proved to them you know the right thing to say, and that's literally all that counts. When you can walk the walk and talk the talk, the job is yours. If you can keep your problems to yourself, that's the best way. Everybody wants to think they're hiring the perfect candidate, but it rarely ever works out that way, a lot of people who get hired end up being completely useless.



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24 Sep 2014, 6:18 pm

I can definitely relate. My situation is my fear of having to leave one job for another one; it is not easy but it has to be done. I must say I never realized how much I miss my low paying, easy, stress free minimum wage job. I had that same job for seven years and the co-workers there became like family to me. Being at that job was the only time I got to socialize with people as I had no social life outside of work. But obviously I had to get out of there because I refuse to sell myself short financially and I graduated college. However, the actual process of finding a real, job is stressful and I now almost dread finding a new job now. This past summer I worked a job that paid double what I got at my old job, but it was very stressful and unsatisfying. So I decided to not work there full-time and stay part time as the busy summer had ended anyways. Now I am taking a big gamble by trying to find a new full-time job through a staffing agency. I need a way to work relevant jobs and acquire new skills, even if it means working with temp jobs that are not guaranteed. Now as I am trying to find a career, I miss the days of my old job where I was a carefree, college student who only focused on school and didn't have to worry about my job at that time. Back at my old job, I actually made some friends, had fun, and created some memories. Now to chase the old mighty dollar, I will never get those days back and the one part of my life that was actually social, I had to end. But hey, I'm 26 years old. I can't live on 8.50 an hour so it's time for me to step up, even if it means sacrificing my social life in the process.


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25 Sep 2014, 8:29 am

I can relate as well! But I found that once I got started and into a routine it was okay. Of course, it helped that I finally found a career that I really like: truck driving.



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27 Sep 2014, 6:53 am

Homer_Bob wrote:
I can definitely relate. My situation is my fear of having to leave one job for another one; it is not easy but it has to be done. I must say I never realized how much I miss my low paying, easy, stress free minimum wage job. I had that same job for seven years and the co-workers there became like family to me. Being at that job was the only time I got to socialize with people as I had no social life outside of work. But obviously I had to get out of there because I refuse to sell myself short financially and I graduated college. However, the actual process of finding a real, job is stressful and I now almost dread finding a new job now. This past summer I worked a job that paid double what I got at my old job, but it was very stressful and unsatisfying. So I decided to not work there full-time and stay part time as the busy summer had ended anyways. Now I am taking a big gamble by trying to find a new full-time job through a staffing agency. I need a way to work relevant jobs and acquire new skills, even if it means working with temp jobs that are not guaranteed. Now as I am trying to find a career, I miss the days of my old job where I was a carefree, college student who only focused on school and didn't have to worry about my job at that time. Back at my old job, I actually made some friends, had fun, and created some memories. Now to chase the old mighty dollar, I will never get those days back and the one part of my life that was actually social, I had to end. But hey, I'm 26 years old. I can't live on 8.50 an hour so it's time for me to step up, even if it means sacrificing my social life in the process.


I understand your drive to want to make more money, I really do because I was there. Our society places such artificial value on ambition and money. However, at 37 I finally had a complete meltdown. I was a reasonably successful Systems Administrator but hated every minute of it. I learned that money doesn't mean happiness. I had a high stress career where I was only noticed when things went south. I made decent money but had little time to enjoy it and when I was off from work I had little energy or desire to do anything.

The meltdown placed me in the hospital for a week but that was both the best and worst thing to happen. It was like pushing a giant reset button on my life. I embarked on a career driving an 18 wheeler across country. I went from mid 70s to barely 26K but I'm happy as a clam - new truck drivers make peanuts but after 6 months to a year it gets better. Re-examining my life's priorities has been wonderful. I made some friends at the truck stops and I talk to my buddies from CDL school almost every day. I scaled back and sold some stuff that I just don't need. My apartment is smaller but I'm happy. I have a new prospective girlfriend who has an 8 year old son and is a finance professional but just loves that I'm happy driving a truck. In fact, one of my runs was near her place of work so I stopped by with flowers and she got to see the truck. She told me that it was sexy as hell, me in command of a big vehicle.

Do what makes you happy for a living, society's expectations be damned. A comfortable, happy work life means so much more. I've learned this lesson the hard way.



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30 Sep 2014, 7:03 pm

Right now I'm 15 and I need to find a part time job that I might be interested. I don't want to be an intern, cashier, or any job with low pay. I want to find a job that has high payment, only problem "I keep think is will I like job?" I'm trying to find a part time career that I'm good at, enjoy doing, and make enough money to pay any debt in the future with out a worry.
(money is important and must be used wisely so don't spend it foolishly and note the credit card isn't free money, there is always price.)



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01 Oct 2014, 12:06 am

Bei wrote:
Right now I'm 15 and I need to find a part time job that I might be interested. I don't want to be an intern, cashier, or any job with low pay. I want to find a job that has high payment, only problem "I keep think is will I like job?" I'm trying to find a part time career that I'm good at, enjoy doing, and make enough money to pay any debt in the future with out a worry.
(money is important and must be used wisely so don't spend it foolishly and note the credit card isn't free money, there is always price.)


If you don't have any experience, you pretty much have to start out with a low-end job. That's just how things are set up. Fortunately, with little freedom comes little responsibility. ;)



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01 Oct 2014, 12:45 pm

Bei wrote:
Right now I'm 15 and I need to find a part time job that I might be interested. I don't want to be an intern, cashier, or any job with low pay. I want to find a job that has high payment, only problem "I keep think is will I like job?" I'm trying to find a part time career that I'm good at, enjoy doing, and make enough money to pay any debt in the future with out a worry.


:lol: You and everybody else.

As a teenager, I wasn't considered seriously for higher paying jobs because my lack of work experience, so I just worked 2 to 3 of them at a time.

That said, it is really easy to stand out in jobs like that. I only made minimum wage for two months, then I turned 18 and was promoted to supervisor at the first one and I requested that same hourly rate at my other jobs and got it. But, I did have to prove myself first to get that.

With your attitude, I'm sure you'll do great.



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01 Oct 2014, 2:03 pm

Bei wrote:
Right now I'm 15 and I need to find a part time job that I might be interested. I don't want to be an intern, cashier, or any job with low pay. I want to find a job that has high payment, only problem "I keep think is will I like job?" I'm trying to find a part time career that I'm good at, enjoy doing, and make enough money to pay any debt in the future with out a worry.
(money is important and must be used wisely so don't spend it foolishly and note the credit card isn't free money, there is always price.)

You're living in a fantasy world if you think you can get a job that pays well when you're in high school. There are people with college degrees that can't even get a job that pays 12 bucks an hour because they don't have enough experience. You have to use your time to gain experience now while you can and that means starting at the bottom like everyone else. The only way you'll be making a lot of money is if you find some entrepreneurial thing under the table.


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02 Oct 2014, 1:28 am

Well I'm not going to say I am in the exact same situation as you but I do have a psychology degree and am having a very hard time finding a job. The way I see it is that work sucks but so does sitting at home every day doing nothing. At least if I'm working I have an opportunity to have a social life, have money. and not feel completely useless all of the time. The problem is that is ridiculously hard to find a job, especially since instead of training people now, more and more places want people to have a related degree or certificate. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life going to school and training in something until I eventually find something that I would like to do and be able to do. I am afraid that I will never be able to move out of my parents house due to not having a steady job, but yet I am terrified of job interviews and working full time. Even applying to a job online gives me anxiety. Sometimes I feel like there really is no place for me in the world other than sitting at home and doing my special interests. However, if I am at home for too long I eventually get bored and start to feel like crap. Plus I would probably get kicked out of my parent's house if I just gave up and stopped looking for work all together. I guess my goal is to just find a low paying entry level job that I enjoy doing (maybe driving related) but even those jobs seem to be difficult to get.



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15 Oct 2014, 5:33 am

I also fear both working and not finding work.