How old is too old to not have a career yet?

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WantToHaveALife
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16 Nov 2014, 2:47 pm

fragmentaerie wrote:
I'm 25 and have been to community college a couple times too. I've had a few retail jobs and only one of them lasted more than a few months, and not coincidentally that was the most recent one. I got my diagnosis while I worked there specifically to get them to put me in the back of the store, since losing my job wasn't really an option at the time.
25 seems to be the magic age where everyone in my life has decided it's time to get on my case about my future. I *think* I've finally figured out my career path, but as I'm female that's mostly not what anyone wants to know about. My family wants to know when I'm getting married, when I'm gonna have kids, and pretty much assume I am going to stay home and watch them.
My social circle consists of my siblings and my boyfriend. I think that bothers my therapist more than me. I can't really maintain more than a couple relationships at a time, unless there's a helping framework, like school or work. I find it exhausting. I used to feel bad about it. I saw people my age on TV just hanging out in bars and parties and other social things, and it looked fun. I wanted it, but the experience for me was not fun unless I drank enough to dull all the sensory input. I'm happier at home with Netflix or out hiking. Not worrying about that anymore did help me free up some time to worry about figuring out a career.
I had a really hard time with dating until the last few years. I finally decided (after obsessing over it for quite some time) that it would probably be less painful to just go ask people out and get rejected than worry about the rejection for months as months as I had been doing. That's true for me. Crappy relationships and breakups and messy aftermath are still preferable to the what ifs.
In your post you said you don't really know what you want for your career, but you've always wanted a social life. Make that your first goal. Do what you've got to do to make it happen. If it's taking classes so you can meet more people or going to therapy or finding ways to work on social skills. Figure out the problem that is holding you back and solve it or ameliorate it as much as possible.
I know a few people that can relate. My dad fell into his 20+ year career as a mechanic after the business that was putting him through engineering school went under. My brother (31, diagnosed with ADD finally 2 years ago after several therapists and hypotheses) ended up in the Army when he kept losing jobs. My sister (29) is very outgoing, never has trouble getting a date, and seems to have settled into data entry for now even though she hates it. My mom has worked retail her entire life. I have an uncle who just finished pre-law and started law school at the age of 46 after driving a forklift in a warehouse for 15 years.
Sorry I wrote such a novel. This has kinda been the theme of my life the last few years.


A lot of people mention joining the military as a way to become seriously disciplined, take your future much more seriously career-wise, but at the same time i'm not interested because I don't want to be away from my family too much, will miss my freedom



Nick9075
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16 Nov 2014, 8:24 pm

great so I am pretty much screwed. At 39, my Resume is a mess of temp jobs, periods of unemployment no real accoplishments.... So I am basically screwed and it is confirmed by this thread



King_oni
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16 Nov 2014, 8:36 pm

Nick9075 wrote:
great so I am pretty much screwed. At 39, my Resume is a mess of temp jobs, periods of unemployment no real accoplishments.... So I am basically screwed and it is confirmed by this thread


But from this thread I have the impression it's mostly accomplishments that are dictated by society. How about personal achievements? Things you can be proud of. Why would you care that your neighbour applauds you for whatever you do?



slenkar
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16 Nov 2014, 8:51 pm

Nick9075 wrote:
great so I am pretty much screwed. At 39, my Resume is a mess of temp jobs, periods of unemployment no real accoplishments.... So I am basically screwed and it is confirmed by this thread


Is there vocational rehabilitation for people with aspergers where you live?



Nick9075
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17 Nov 2014, 7:59 am

slenkar wrote:
Nick9075 wrote:
great so I am pretty much screwed. At 39, my Resume is a mess of temp jobs, periods of unemployment no real accoplishments.... So I am basically screwed and it is confirmed by this thread


Is there vocational rehabilitation for people with aspergers where you live?


yes but you still have to get hired. How do people get hired whose Resume is a mess. Reading on this thread that by age 30 you should be settled in a career makes me believe there is no hope. I know that I am responsible for much of my problems due to bad choices, bad decisions etc...



WantToHaveALife
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17 Nov 2014, 1:40 pm

Nick9075 wrote:
slenkar wrote:
Nick9075 wrote:
great so I am pretty much screwed. At 39, my Resume is a mess of temp jobs, periods of unemployment no real accoplishments.... So I am basically screwed and it is confirmed by this thread


Is there vocational rehabilitation for people with aspergers where you live?


yes but you still have to get hired. How do people get hired whose Resume is a mess. Reading on this thread that by age 30 you should be settled in a career makes me believe there is no hope. I know that I am responsible for much of my problems due to bad choices, bad decisions etc...


I don't blame my lack of success academically, career-wise on anyone except myself, although maybe my parents could have disciplined me more in my childhood such as elementary and middle school years, not to say I was a trouble maker.



fragmentaerie
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17 Nov 2014, 3:06 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

A lot of people mention joining the military as a way to become seriously disciplined, take your future much more seriously career-wise, but at the same time i'm not interested because I don't want to be away from my family too much, will miss my freedom


I looked at the military and couldn't do it either. I want to know the why of everything- "because I said so" has never worked for me.



WantToHaveALife
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17 Nov 2014, 3:21 pm

fragmentaerie wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:

A lot of people mention joining the military as a way to become seriously disciplined, take your future much more seriously career-wise, but at the same time i'm not interested because I don't want to be away from my family too much, will miss my freedom


I looked at the military and couldn't do it either. I want to know the why of everything- "because I said so" has never worked for me.


I heard a quote from somewhere that says "Men are the laborers of life and creators of civilizations" by some Macho guy, but it doesn't surprise me regarding the meaning behind it



fragmentaerie
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17 Nov 2014, 3:51 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

A lot of people mention joining the military as a way to become seriously disciplined, take your future much more seriously career-wise, but at the same time i'm not interested because I don't want to be away from my family too much, will miss my freedom


I looked at the military and couldn't do it either. I want to know the why of everything- "because I said so" has never worked for me.



WantToHaveALife
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19 Nov 2014, 11:09 am

I wonder if it is very common in Aspies to take longer than NT's to become independent, well-established in life, financially stable, etc., is that generally the norm when comparing Aspies to NT's?



B19
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19 Nov 2014, 11:29 am

OP, if you have not already read Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Aspergers", please consider doing that, as he covers this issue and so much more.



WantToHaveALife
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19 Nov 2014, 11:34 am

B19 wrote:
OP, if you have not already read Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Aspergers", please consider doing that, as he covers this issue and so much more.


which chapter in that book does he go over that?



B19
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19 Nov 2014, 11:42 am

Sorry, can't remember which particular chapter. The whole book was helpful to me. Have you read it before?



kraftiekortie
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19 Nov 2014, 11:44 am

Tony Attwood is an authoritative voice pertaining to Asperger's.



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23 Nov 2014, 3:47 am

Based on this I could very well be somewhat screwed...beings I am 25 on SSI. I mean its like even if I did become functional enough to work..is anyone really going to hire someone over 25 who only has a highschool diploma, is a college drop out and essentially has no work history and has been living of disability income? So yeah but I would hope someday I could figure something else out aside from crappy SSI income.


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23 Nov 2014, 6:00 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Based on this I could very well be somewhat screwed...beings I am 25 on SSI. I mean its like even if I did become functional enough to work..is anyone really going to hire someone over 25 who only has a highschool diploma, is a college drop out and essentially has no work history and has been living of disability income? So yeah but I would hope someday I could figure something else out aside from crappy SSI income.


That's been on my mind as well recently. 32 and somewhat in the same position. And even my high school diploma I got by attending only exams and essentially turned it into homeschooling myself.

Now I do have an appointment soon to see if I could get into any programmes to see if any of my issues can be resolved/fixed/treated.

By now I kinda figured out what I need to get my stuff sorted out; and that firstly is some kind of qualification so I'm less shafted on the jobmarket. Yet with my meager income and the refusal of the government to offer any support, any form of education is out of the window already; aside from if I actually thrive on standardized courses (but probably would need one that caters to me and the aspie mind in general).

Let's face it, no education (for whatever reason), past your mid 20's with no job experience and it's nigh impossible to compete on the jobmarket; even moreso if you also deal with issues that might require some workplace adjustments.