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TimidButterfly89
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06 Jul 2019, 9:40 am

I work at a daycare with a bunch of "women" I swear I'm back in middle school again. I had one girl throw my purse to the ground when it was sitting on the counter to make speace for her things. And she will make snarky comments about what I'm wearing and frown and roll her eyes. Shell talk about me to the other girls and theyll look at me and laugh. Most of the other women working their behave cold towards me and I try to adviod talking to them because in the past they gave me the impression I was bothering them. I try to be polite but to be honest shes pissng me off I told her very politely never touch my purse again and she looked surpsied. I think maybe i look quiet and easy to pick on shes hated me since day one and j just want to work and go home but she makes it so hard and I dont know if i should speak to a manger because we're all grown here even if most of them dont act like it. I almost cried and I dont want to give the girl the satisfaction. :lol:


If I ever had a child of my own I would never leave them at daycare. There probably only two girls at this place that I would trust with my child. .



Mountain Goat
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06 Jul 2019, 9:44 am

:(



TimidButterfly89
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06 Jul 2019, 9:53 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
:(

Well said



jimmy m
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06 Jul 2019, 11:06 am

When our oldest daughter was around 3 or 4, we dropped her off at a day care. When we picked her up, she had a black eye. Some older boy punched her in the face. We asked day care personnel what happened and they claimed they didn't know. But I sensed that they really didn't care. They seemed to not understand why I as a parent might be a little upset that my small child was physically attacked in their facility. Needless to say, my daughter never went back to that facility.


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hurtloam
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06 Jul 2019, 11:25 am

Keep going with the making boundaries. That was good that you set the boundary with your purse. They think you're a pushover. Don't let them believe that.

Also, look for another job. No all jobs are like this.



SpaceStace
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06 Jul 2019, 3:10 pm

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with work bullies? I've got one now too. I tried ignoring the jabs, but not letting her get a rise out of me didn't slow her. Then I thought: maybe my very frowny concentration face and my inability to discern that someone is talking to me unless we are looking at each other thanks to my background noise hearing deficiency made her think I was constantly frowning at and ignoring her, so I was the "bigger person," made a peace gesture of flowers in a nice vase, and things seemed to be better for a while. But she went on vacation and instead of returning relaxed, she came back meaner than ever. My boss had a talk with her before about her jabs and I keep hoping she will overhear one again and intervene again but I don't have 1/100th the social skills to engineer that situation into existence. Nor to bite back at the bully without coming across as the bitchy one.

Right now it's all I can do to not let her needle me until I explode. This was a great job / team until she came along. I really don't want to just quit and let her win, not to mention I don't know where I would go from here. If anyone has tips for dealing with work bullies, please share!



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06 Jul 2019, 3:27 pm

Keep a written record of what your bully is doing. Date the entries. Be specific. Take it to your manager. Your manager obviously doesn't approve and is possibly unaware that this is continuing.

This is how people deal with such things in HR. It's standard practice. If you have an accurate record rather than just saying, "she keeps making snide remarks" it gives your manager more of a basis to be able to act on it.

I would respond with a firm, "don't talk to me like that." Make it clear that you don't like it and it's not something you accept. You don't need to be rude or name call, just be firm. Try and keep your cool, that will work in your favour in the long run, so that the co-worker can't use anything you say against you.



SpaceStace
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06 Jul 2019, 4:56 pm

Thank you, hurtloam. That sounds like solid advice.



SpaceCadet89
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06 Jul 2019, 6:09 pm

Wow, what a great example to set for the kids! <sarcasm> I would let the manager know how this woman is acting, as from what you wrote it sounds like she’s the ringleader. Then hopefully she’ll backoff and grow up :hugs:



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16 Jul 2019, 6:48 pm

No advice, just commiserating. I am also being bullied, albeit by 50-year old men (both in my management chain). I am writing it all down (which is unpleasant since I don't like experiencing it much less reviewing the situation or transcribing it), I have already gone to HR (which dismissed my concerns but said I am welcome to contact them again...) Basically I need a new job (I LOVE this job, but the workplace is intolerable for me) --- daunting to find a job when I have a demanding job and haven't job searched for a decade. All that said, I am trying to keep the desired vision in mind: a supportive, encouraging workplace. After all I did enjoy my workplace before the recent management change, so surely something similar is out there elsewhere... Logic says "yes", but I haven't applied myself yet. I am waiting for a miracle apparently.



shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Jul 2019, 7:24 pm

Don't carry a purse

Or keep your purse on your body at all times

Or put your purse in a secure location

Tell human resources or the boss

Lawsuit



Rainbow_Belle
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17 Jul 2019, 3:08 am

Clear case of discrimination, go to HR and report this issue and have the bullies sacked for intimidation and harassment. Everyone has the right to do his/her job without being bullied by anyone. This is 2019 and the old days of harassment, bullying and intimidation must end now!



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17 Jul 2019, 5:40 am

Something I need to say about bullying. Some of my past I thought that I was being bullied but it was because I took things to seriously when others were just messing about, and if you asked them, and they were totally honest, they had no intent to hurt me. It was their way of humour. Most others who were not as timid as I tend to be and can read social situations better, will simply do the same back and they would get along fine. It is just because I am different.
Some was outright bullying. The difficulty I had was that when I went through such things, it was not easy to tell the difference. So for me, when punches were thrown or when things got too physical, it was bullying.
Here are some of the difficulties. One is that what is taught in schools today seems to have screwed up reasoning (Or my nieces and nephews have not understood what has been taught). For example, one said how they were bullied by another at school. Yet when we asked for details, it wasn't bullying. It was a simple dissagreement between friends. It was a one off case. Nothing physical had happened. It had not happened before. It was just a simple dissagreement due to having different views. Yet in school they are taught this is bullying? If one had continued it beyond a basic dissagreement and started horassing and calling names etc... Tried to make life difficult for the other. Yes. That is bullying. It may not be physical, but it is bullying.
Also a fight can break out with children where there is no bullying whatsoever, and after the tempers have wound down, that was the end of it and they are back friends again.
I find I seem to have difficulty in the ability to tell when something is bullying or when it is friends having a playful dig, so for me it is only looking back at many years of difficulties in my schooling years, that I found that yes, I was bullied, but on many occasions I thought that I was bullied, I wasn't.
The ability to stand back and work it all out is not easy when one is in the situation at the time, and for me it has taken years of thought to work it all out after the events took place.

And something I will add here. Some who were bullies did not know they were. Many years later after meeting them after leaving school, they have approached me saying how they missed me and are really genuinely pleased to see me. It is wierd in that later on in life, how much people really... Well. They display their genuine feelings... Which all came out the wrong way when in school.

I am really pleased where I work that there are really nice people there. It makes such a big difference. Yes, it is a temporary job.. A months part time work. But it is nice to work with them. I better not say this too loud.. I would do it without pay just for the challenge and it is where I can enjoy being with others who also love bicycles... But out of principle, and to pay the costs of travelling, I need to be paid! :lol:



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17 Jul 2019, 7:44 am

@Mountain Goat, how to know? I have little idea as to when to assert myself and when to stay quiet so I am not foolish. I have those smiley bosses who say how wonderful I am and how wanted I am (as long as I remain marginalized) and then exclude me from most everything (and mock me) and if pressed they make up bologna. My director says: I share (too much), take (too many) notes, mimic people (too much) … and of course I get upset (too easily) and "that has to be fixed". I've checked with my boss and a couple co-workers and they don't see these things as bad --- they like that I share and have good notes... and that I care... My husband thinks my director is a poor manager and needs me OUT because I naively (and frequently) point out his poor management. I'm "just" trying to follow directions, but his directions are conflicting and inefficient.

Sample conversation:
Me "Why do repeatedly say that I am not managing?" I manage an associate employee (workload, motivation, hours), albeit another person administers the position (time cards)
Boss "Why are you so twisted around that word: managing?"
Me: "It reflects my role and responsibilities. What would you call it?"
Boss: "Leading"

I interpret this as marginalization, or am I "too sensitive"? How come I do not know?



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17 Jul 2019, 8:14 am

hurtloam wrote:
Keep a written record of what your bully is doing. Date the entries. Be specific. Take it to your manager. Your manager obviously doesn't approve and is possibly unaware that this is continuing.

This is how people deal with such things in HR. It's standard practice. If you have an accurate record rather than just saying, "she keeps making snide remarks" it gives your manager more of a basis to be able to act on it.

I would respond with a firm, "don't talk to me like that." Make it clear that you don't like it and it's not something you accept. You don't need to be rude or name call, just be firm. Try and keep your cool, that will work in your favour in the long run, so that the co-worker can't use anything you say against you.


100% this. It builds you up a case and makes it stronger against her.


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17 Jul 2019, 8:23 am

TimidButterfly89 wrote:
I work at a daycare with a bunch of "women" I swear I'm back in middle school again. I had one girl throw my purse to the ground when it was sitting on the counter to make speace for her things. And she will make snarky comments about what I'm wearing and frown and roll her eyes. Shell talk about me to the other girls and theyll look at me and laugh. Most of the other women working their behave cold towards me and I try to adviod talking to them because in the past they gave me the impression I was bothering them. I try to be polite but to be honest shes pissng me off I told her very politely never touch my purse again and she looked surpsied. I think maybe i look quiet and easy to pick on shes hated me since day one and j just want to work and go home but she makes it so hard and I dont know if i should speak to a manger because we're all grown here even if most of them dont act like it. I almost cried and I dont want to give the girl the satisfaction. :lol:


If I ever had a child of my own I would never leave them at daycare. There probably only two girls at this place that I would trust with my child. .


Hmm, I would have felt like picking up my purse, SLAMMING it angrily on the desk, shoving her belongings off and looking right into her eyes. :lol:

I would do what hurtloam recommended though - record all incidences where she snarks at you or touches your belongings. It's completely not on for her to do that to anyone.


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