Being cabin crew / flight attendant with mild Asperger's

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Hello everyone,

I'm wondering if you can help me as I'm in a very difficult situation at the moment...

For years I worked as a legal secretary and, although I was an efficient speedy typist, excelled at the job itself and found law an interesting subject, I always struggled with working in open plan offices, forming friendships and clicking with people at work, avoiding meetings, working 9-5 routine (which funnily enough I hate despite being on the spectrum) and social awkwardness.

However, despite the above, I'd wanted to work as a cabin crew member for an airline for years because of a) my love of travel and all things aviation, b) the variety involved in such a job and c) the lifestyle. My partner ended up getting a job as a flight attendant with a major airline in the UK and as such I was inspired even more to apply for the job. I did, things snowballed from one thing to another and I got through all of the online tests, then I got an interview.

Then... the unthinkable happened. Turns out I did well at the interview - so well in fact, that I ended up actually getting the job! As you can imagine, I was chuffed to bits on the one hand, but on the other, I felt great fear because of my social awkwardness and overall discomfort around people in settings which involve small talk (i.e. parties, hanging out one-to-one, house shares etc). That being said, I am very capable of learning new information and problem-solving, could deal with potentially serious situations in a level-headed manner, would describe myself as a logical thinker, and feel the job would otherwise be perfect for me apart from the social element.

It's the social skills or lack thereof, my difficulty to make friends / fit in / relax around others / have imagination in conversation / have a sense of humour, as well as the fact I'm highly self-conscious and uncomfortable when making small talk, and sometimes even generally in public anyway.

The big dilemma I'm facing is that my training course is in two weeks, it's supposedly my dream career, yet I'm seriously considering bailing on the basis of what I've said above. My social anxiety/awkwardness in tandem with my mild Asperger's is a very real problem.

When I had my interview for this job, I'd just finished a round of CBT, plus it was the summer and I felt much better in myself back then. However, my CBT has since ended and I've relapsed, plus it's the winter and often miserable weather which makes things worse, and my self-esteem and confidence has always been so low and I feel unable to control my negative self-talk.

So, I have to make a choice:

1) Forsake what would otherwise be a dream career and potentially regret this decision further down the line, but on the other hand, feel a strong sense of relief and that a weight has been lifted as my mental health won't be put under strain from constant interaction on my training course, staying with two roommates throughout (which means no space whatsoever to decompress) and potentially making an idiot of myself socially in the new role once I got into it;

OR

2) Do the training course (which I will find interesting and the content of which I'll enjoy for sure), risk not fitting in with my course mates and/or both my roommates and social gatherings being super-awkward, thereby affecting my overall self-esteem. On the flip side, it could go well, although I do find my social awkwardness such a problem and I think people in my last job were genuinely surprised I even got this job in the first place (as was I, to tell you the truth!). I may end up loving the job and the lifestyle because of the fact I hate 9-5 work and predictable repetitive routine, plus am highly passionate about travel. There's just so much emphasis on body language, good first impressions on customers and their overall perception of crew in-flight, and knowing the right things to say and when. I struggle with conversation give & take as well, but they obviously didn't see that side of things when they hired me!

It almost feels like I would be living a lie if I went ahead, even though I should rightly be so thrilled to have gotten this opportunity in the first place as I was up against thousands of other applicants! Only thing is that because of my Asperger's and my social struggles, it's impossible to feel excited really and I just worry so much that it will cause massive problems later on for me.

On the basis of everything said above, what on earth should I do? If you were in that situation of facing such an amazing opportunity, but knowing full-well social awkwardness and anxiety could f!&% everything up with relationships and possibly even affect my overall concentration in the role because of my self-consciousness from being watched, what would you do?

Any help would be appreciated more than you know!

Whilst writing, is there anybody on here on the spectrum working as a flight attendant? If there is, maybe I will be filled with more confidence to carry on, as I feel so alone in this...

Being able to read people may not be that important.
Airlines typically have a rule structure in place. And you get to verbalize the rules.
I deal with customers better than my coworkers.
It does help that I get to make the rules as I go along, if necessary.
And it helps that the customer may not know that.

Your social interactions are going to largely be limited and scripted.
I can handle that sort of interaction.

Go for it!

The codes of interaction with passengers will be pretty defined and rigid. I also say go for it.

Perfect job for an Aspie, IMHO, especially as it dovetails with your special interest!

Good luck and I hope you enjoy it. Your job future can only go up from here!

Very good advice so far. I agree that you should go for it. Reach for the sky.

It probably is at least going to the training course to see how it goes..and if it doesn't work out than you don't have to go through with the job. But there isn't really a good reason to give up before you even try if its something you've been interested in doing.

I wouldn't do it...I do not think I would like the required attire for one, unless they have changed it some. I've heard female flight attendants have to wear heels and skirts so that alone would be a dealbreaker for me if it was the case, does seem kinda outdated though so not sure that is actually the required attire. But also my social anxiety is too problematic and to be quite honest I don't really like being on planes all that much .

You have to take $$ into account when deciding on flight attendant or legal secretary

$$ is not everything but it it is not practical to ignore it


Flight attendant might have meetings too

Job shadow

Some legal secretary offices are not open plan