I'm saying this even though I've worked in a paid job (10 hour contract) for 6 years. For some reason though I still don't feel like I'm a hard-working person. I seem to think there are other people maybe younger than me who work more harder I do like a cousin of mine and her partner who I think are both in their mid or late 20s, one is a solicitor and the other is an accountant and both have a place of their own and both drive a car like I do but I don't have a roof of my own over my head. My sister is a full-time mum and also has her own house but doesn't drive a car. I don't always cook and make my own meals and the people living with me work more hours and 6 or 7 days more than I do.
I seem at times like I'm being caught in this trap of trying to be the perfect man who MUST work hard, set up his own home, protect his family, drive a flashy car and works out a lot. I seem to think that men like me are constantly fed this idea of being the ideal masculine man and that if we don't become like that then we don't become acknowledged or accepted into society. I keep trying to remind myself of the fact that I have to feel lucky that I am working and earning my own money and have managed to hold down a job so far and be grateful for that but I still feel like I'm not quite a ''somebody'' or feel like a ''proper man'' because I seem to be missing some other things which I feel I SHOULD have in order to be a ''proper man''.
I seem to think that I find myself complaining about not doing things that men usually do and that the simple answer to that by some people would be to actually go and do those things if I aspire to but for some reason I won't do them and I don't know why.
30 Dec 2022, 9:24 am
