Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,145

03 Dec 2018, 4:20 pm

If anyone can offer advice or red flags: My son who is in college was dating a young woman for just three weeks. She decided not to see him anymore. Many other students are telling him that she may be lesbian. He's been talking about her constantly for almost 6 weeks now. He said she was unaffectionate and rather cold. He obsessed in middle and in high school too. It took him anywhere from 6 months to two years to get over a romantic interest but only if the girl broke up with him. If he did the breaking up, he'd be upset for about three days and that was it. It takes him a very long time to get over break-ups even if the break-up is for his best interest. Can anybody add anything? I wonder if this is an aspie thing or if it indicates a deeper problem--maybe something from childhood that he has long forgot but manifests in this way. Please help if you can.



cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,005

04 Dec 2018, 6:35 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
If anyone can offer advice or red flags: My son who is in college was dating a young woman for just three weeks. She decided not to see him anymore. Many other students are telling him that she may be lesbian. He's been talking about her constantly for almost 6 weeks now. He said she was unaffectionate and rather cold. He obsessed in middle and in high school too. It took him anywhere from 6 months to two years to get over a romantic interest but only if the girl broke up with him. If he did the breaking up, he'd be upset for about three days and that was it. It takes him a very long time to get over break-ups even if the break-up is for his best interest. Can anybody add anything? I wonder if this is an aspie thing or if it indicates a deeper problem--maybe something from childhood that he has long forgot but manifests in this way. Please help if you can.


I don't understand your question.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 52,709
Location: Queens, NYC

04 Dec 2018, 9:16 am

She’s talking about the fact that her son obsesses about his girlfriends—perhaps too much.

This sort of thing happens to many young people; hence, most of our pop music.

Something has to be done when it interferes with a person’s functioning in school, work, or society.

The best thing to do is to encourage diversion away from the obsession.



cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,005

05 Dec 2018, 2:01 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
She’s talking about the fact that her son obsesses about his girlfriends—perhaps too much.

This sort of thing happens to many young people; hence, most of our pop music.

Something has to be done when it interferes with a person’s functioning in school, work, or society.

The best thing to do is to encourage diversion away from the obsession.


Thing is, what is she asking exactly? Is she asking why he does it? Is she asking how to get him to stop?



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 52,709
Location: Queens, NYC

05 Dec 2018, 7:46 am

Probably both.



NorthWind
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2016
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 366
Location: Europe (but not UK)

06 Dec 2018, 5:22 am

Does he assign negative personality traits (he hadn't seen before) to all the girls who broke up with him and portray them as vile people?
(the example for his obsessing you gave sounds like this may be the case, but I clearly don't have enough information to tell if that's what he's doing)
Could it be that he feels he was wronged if she breaks up with him (unlike if he does the breaking up) and what he obsesses about is the perceived wrong that was done to him?
Or is he just devastated/sad and can't get over his feelings for her?

I'm not sure if Aspergers is directly related to it but some people who experienced a lot of social exclusion and rejection as children can overreact when it happens again, especially if the person rejecting them is someone they thought they were close to.