What do you think about corporal punishment of disobedient.?

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In my opinion corporal punishment should be?
Poll runs till 20 Nov 2019, 1:07 am
It's wrong and should be completely banned 59%  59%  [ 13 ]
It's Should be legit, some kids need it 23%  23%  [ 5 ]
It's should be legal, but only in rare situation 18%  18%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 22

DW_a_mom
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28 May 2019, 12:15 am

Corporal punishment is lazy. It skips understanding why the child is being disobedient and figuring out what the core lesson the child needs to learn actually is. You can find millions of advocates for it, its as old as time, and some people want to blame all of societies ills on the lack of it, but studies have consistently shown that children who are subjected to corporal punishment are more likely to engage in criminal and other problematic behaviors as adults.

Simply put, it does not actually work better than the alternatives, despite all the advocates who believe it does.


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magz
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28 May 2019, 2:10 am

I suppose most of the corporal punishment advocates imagine just two alternatives: spanking or doing nothing.
Of course doing nothing would lead to disastrous outcomes.
What they miss is, there is a lot of other options.


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Twilightprincess
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28 May 2019, 6:59 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Corporal punishment is lazy. It skips understanding why the child is being disobedient and figuring out what the core lesson the child needs to learn actually is. You can find millions of advocates for it, its as old as time, and some people want to blame all of societies ills on the lack of it, but studies have consistently shown that children who are subjected to corporal punishment are more likely to engage in criminal and other problematic behaviors as adults.

Simply put, it does not actually work better than the alternatives, despite all the advocates who believe it does.


I like that you mention that it’s “lazy.” That’s what I’ve often thought about it. Instead of just hitting one’s kids, one should expend some effort in thinking of a better solution



shortfatbalduglyman
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08 Jun 2019, 9:27 pm

proponents point out, it works. "Reality",

Opponents, entitled lil dipshits


Corporal punishment is not magic (good) or tabboo (bad)


There are many things wrong with corporal punishment


But there's something wrong with everything



:mrgreen:



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09 Jul 2019, 7:49 pm

I think that corporal punishment is fine, as long as the parent is not abusing their child (of course, when a spanking crosses the line into abuse is up to debate). I was spanked as a child, and it worked. It was an effective way to keep me in line and to teach me a lesson. I was only spanked on the rare occasion, if I was in a lot of trouble. As I got older, my dad moved away from spankings, and gave me and my siblings calisthenics instead. As in, "drop down and give me 20".



IstominFan
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11 Jul 2019, 9:43 am

It is lazy, and also reactive, not proactive.

Discipline involves setting a good example first.

I could think of other things that are worse than a quick swat on the bottom, however: name-calling, gaslighting and the use of Ritalin to "calm someone down." Doing nothing is bad as well, because it increases rebellion in the bad kids and causes "learned helplessness" in the good ones who are struggling.



magz
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11 Jul 2019, 9:55 am

IstominFan wrote:
I could think of other things that are worse than a quick swat on the bottom, however: name-calling, gaslighting and the use of Ritalin to "calm someone down."
Totally agree. The moderate spanking I received did not make much difference (except for spanking for lying - I learned to lie better). The pattern of denial, guilt-tripping, double binds and gaslighting left scars that haven't healed to this day.
IstominFan wrote:
Doing nothing is bad as well, because it increases rebellion in the bad kids and causes "learned helplessness" in the good ones who are struggling.
I see a lot of a problem in "no punishments means doing nothing" mentality, both in practicioners and critics of this approach.
Typically, saying and showing what the parent approves and disaproves can be enough for the child to learn over time. When it shows not to be enough, I see problematic behaviors of my children as problems that need to be understood and solved. So I try to understand and find solutions.


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BenderRodriguez
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11 Jul 2019, 9:58 am

magz wrote:
I suppose most of the corporal punishment advocates imagine just two alternatives: spanking or doing nothing.
Of course doing nothing would lead to disastrous outcomes.
What they miss is, there is a lot of other options.


This is one of the many issues that a lot of people treat as if there's nothing between the two extremes - it leads to polarizing "you're either with us or against us" attitudes and is the main reason it's so difficult to have a civilised discussion about them.


IstominFan wrote:

Discipline involves setting a good example first.


This a hundred times. You can tell a child not to do something until you're blue in the face: if they see you doing it, they'll do it too :twisted:


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shortfatbalduglyman
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11 Jul 2019, 3:39 pm

An article claimed that a man told his daughter he was going to strike her

She told him it's illegal and she was calling 911

He said go ahead

She called and 911 came and supervised


So


Yes "spanking" is wrong but






There is something wrong with everything





:mrgreen:



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13 Jul 2019, 9:58 pm

People just find other ways than spanking. Like they will use shame by making them stand outside and hold up a sign, parents are now destroying their kids property and putting it online. I have heard of other extremes like removing the bedroom door from their room, I knew one parent who locked their son out of the house for the weekend as a punishment and that kid was 13. He stayed at a friend's house instead for a week. My mom thinks all this is wrong but is fine with a spanking.


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DW_a_mom
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25 Jul 2019, 6:48 pm

League_Girl wrote:
People just find other ways than spanking. Like they will use shame by making them stand outside and hold up a sign, parents are now destroying their kids property and putting it online. I have heard of other extremes like removing the bedroom door from their room, I knew one parent who locked their son out of the house for the weekend as a punishment and that kid was 13. He stayed at a friend's house instead for a week. My mom thinks all this is wrong but is fine with a spanking.


I don't favor those alternatives, either. They all fall into the category of "revenge" instead of "teaching." Discipline is, in the end, about teaching a child to do better.


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traven
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26 Jul 2019, 2:40 am

Also i was cautious of the reward -system, you wouldn't want to learn behaviour that searches for rewards,
that's sad also

giving attention is the best reward but even that mustn't be tied to good or bad behaviour
or rather the judgementalism of authority
you see that the child always gives back what you show, so changing that is most effctive

but yeah by six y-o most kids are lost to judgementalism already,
instead of learning 'skills' they learn 'opinions'



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26 Jul 2019, 6:57 am

All I can think of was when I was 7-8 and had a meltdown, my father grabbing me and holding me forcefully down while I am screaming for him to stop and hitting me with enough force to cause significant pain that I still vividly remember to this day. I find it hard to believe that is considered "love". I have (and had) no idea why he was doing that: all I could think of was that I was being violently attacked for seemingly no reason.

I would suspect this is why I was bullied so much: I learned at an early age it was pointless to fight back. In the future I might give my boy a gentle slap on the wrist if nothing else works but I will never do what my father did to me. I do find it ironic that doing that even to convicted murderers is considered assault but to a helpless and defenseless child? A-OK!



magz
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29 Jul 2019, 3:26 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
All I can think of was when I was 7-8 and had a meltdown, my father grabbing me and holding me forcefully down while I am screaming for him to stop and hitting me with enough force to cause significant pain that I still vividly remember to this day. I find it hard to believe that is considered "love". I have (and had) no idea why he was doing that: all I could think of was that I was being violently attacked for seemingly no reason.

I would suspect this is why I was bullied so much: I learned at an early age it was pointless to fight back. In the future I might give my boy a gentle slap on the wrist if nothing else works but I will never do what my father did to me. I do find it ironic that doing that even to convicted murderers is considered assault but to a helpless and defenseless child? A-OK!

Now that I am a parent myself, I started to interpret your-father-like behavior I sometimes see in my family as a meltdown, too.
It's painful for me to see it and I have a reflex to defend the child. I often think both the child and the adult need a big, silent hug instead.


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18 Sep 2019, 7:32 am

pawelk1986 wrote:
Do you think this should be acceptable in some cases.

I'm Polish, I'm 33, I have Asperger Syndrome,

Is that about your brother and niece, pawelk1986?

Quote:
The older daughter is excellent student, but the younger one who is 15 is little devil she is short even for girl, very vivid and stubborn
....
My brother said that sometime he want spank her, but he restrain himself because not like Spanking as punishment the same way as our parents.
Update: I said that it is good that he does not do it considering that since 2014, corporal punishment towards a child is a crime that is punishable by a fine and / or up to 3 years imprisonment


A father hitting his 15 year old daughter is just sick. 8O
It is always wrong to hit a child, I think sometimes adults are too bad at communicating with their little children, or they become frustrated, snap and resort to violence. If I were 15 though and my parent still hit me, I might even hit them back to defend myself. If you want to physically intimidate a 15 year old instead of making her understand how her behaviour is harmful, because you can't communicate with her properly and only want to make her fear you, you need to work on your own issues first.

You write the reason not to hit her would be that the police wouldn't be gentle with him either. This points to a mindset where wrong behaviour should be avoided because of fear of punishment, not because the behaviour is wrong even if you can get away with it.

I don't think children who were hit turn out better or that she would become more obedient to her father... Especially since she is already 15!