Looks like heading towards some diagnosis, after all...

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magz
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08 May 2019, 8:14 am

School psychologist phoned me that she wants to talk to me this evening.
Well, I'm going to show up but I'm anxious about it. I hope it will go okay.
One thing I find odd is that the one we are appointed to is someone else than the psychologist who called me... I don't get the system, it's unclear and illogical. I hope we can clear that today.
I'm glad others want to help but my social anxiety is still very high and a prospect of a lenghty talk on hard topics with a person I've never met before is kind of paralyzing... but it has to be done.
So I suck up the panic inside me in order to do what is logical to be done... my old survival strategy. Will pay for it later.

I'm considering family therapy for all four of us. To learn not to make it all worse.


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fez
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08 May 2019, 2:22 pm

Hope it goes well magz. It might sound hollow now but it will get easier. If you daughter is autistic, knowing can make all the difference to how she internalises it and copes. Thinking of you all and hoping the meeting isn’t too bad.


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magz
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08 May 2019, 2:31 pm

It was okay, generally the psychologist agreed with my plans to evaluate her.
Sorry, I'm too tired to write more right now.


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magz
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09 May 2019, 2:24 am

A bit more of the meeting:
The system is not messed up and we are appointed to the right person. The school psychologist says M suffers from school noise and does not form peer relationships, she's smart and aritstic (traditional tree drawing was performed), she works very slowly and she mentions me a lot as her most important relationship, in positive sense.
If we weren't already appointed for evaluation, she would recommend it now because the school can provide various accommodations once the needs are pinpointed.
Looks okay for now.


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fez
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11 May 2019, 3:24 pm

Glad it went well and things are moving in the right direction.

She sounds so similar to my daughter. Sure they would get on. I would not worry about peer-peer relationships if she doesn’t. It took me until i was 30 to stop hearing the voice of my mum telling me i had to socialise. Feel so liberated now that i can do it (or not) as i want on my terms.

Interesting research being published this month by Edinburgh university shows that autistic- autistic peer group working relationships are on par with allistic - allistic working group relationships... however autistic - allistic group working relationships have a lot of challenges. Find that interesting.


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fez
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11 May 2019, 3:26 pm

Sounds like schools are quite proactive in Poland!


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magz
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13 May 2019, 4:38 am

fez wrote:
Sounds like schools are quite proactive in Poland!

At least this particular school, it's big but well-organized. Probably big city and educated social background help.
A lot depends on people.

I'm not worried for my daughter's social life, she seems accepted with her introverted, oddball ways. My impression is that she doesn't really have power or even desire to socialize more.
But she started to notice that her peers find her quietness and preference for solitude odd.


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fez
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13 May 2019, 7:15 am

magz wrote:
fez wrote:
Sounds like schools are quite proactive in Poland!

At least this particular school, it's big but well-organized. Probably big city and educated social background help.
A lot depends on people.

I'm not worried for my daughter's social life, she seems accepted with her introverted, oddball ways. My impression is that she doesn't really have power or even desire to socialize more.
But she started to notice that her peers find her quietness and preference for solitude odd.


That does suck. I guess it is a balance of either sucking it up and faking it to the extent that one can versus doing what feels good and right. Both can come with drawbacks. I benefited from never really caring much what people thought. How about you at that age? Later on in life I only made male friends, that was much easier, and now I hardly socialise anymore. I am happy with that and to fake it would not be worth it for me as I get so so so knackered from social interaction.


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magz
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14 May 2019, 2:44 am

Me at that age? Crying a lot, no one knew why (only now I'm starting to make sense of all of it, it was sensory overload). Unable to form "best friends" relationships, frustrated over it, but accepted in larger, looser groups. Climbing trees and roofs, playing and fighting with boys. Boys and tomboys were easier to deal with if it wasn't for the crying thing. More of an observer than participant - it's probably quite a core of me, I'm still like that, only now I'm happy with it - back then I had quite a lot of input that not participating was wrong. Bookworm, I read all the popular science books my brother was given.
It got way worse after we moved when I was 10. People in the new place were totally intolerant to diversity. That was hell for both me and my NT brother.
Where I'm living now, diversity is quite accepted, people come from different backgrounds, immigrants and kids coming back from emigration included, and they all play together. It's easier to be neurodiverse in generally diverse society.

My daughters' social problems look mostly like that - that was an actual conversation we had:
Her: Kids in the class don't like me.
Me: You mean what? Not want to play with you?
Her: They want to play with me but I don't want to play with them. I want to play by myself.
Me: Well, if you don't want to play with them, don't be surprised they don't like you.
Her: I'm not surprised.


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magz
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20 May 2019, 11:44 am

Another consultation done.
M does everything expected for a first grader perfectly though slowly. She reads, understands and remembers text. She has beautiful handwriting. Forms proper sentences. In general, her school related abilities are just right.
We got directed to evaluation of sensory processing with suspicion of high auditory sensitivity. Next steps ahead.
And a lot of advice how we could make up for her poor social skills... with a hidden assumption that our social skills are any better :geek:


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magz
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11 Sep 2019, 9:49 am

Finally M got screened for Asperger's... getting "very high", "very high", "high" likehood for Asperger's in some three separate dimensions.
So, we've got referred to a child psychiatrist.
I'm having second thougths if it is really good idea... but the machine has started.
Another waiting list.


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Daddy63
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11 Sep 2019, 10:17 am

magz wrote:
Finally M got screened for Asperger's... getting "very high", "very high", "high" likehood for Asperger's in some three separate dimensions.
So, we've got referred to a child psychiatrist.
I'm having second thougths if it is really good idea... but the machine has started.
Another waiting list.


Having a diagnosis changes nothing whatsoever about your child. For sure, you already know much more about her than any psychologist will ever know. You know exactly what issues she has and how she is developing. Further, even here in the US the "experts" know very little about how to help our children and in many cases they do more harm than good.

Do your best to figure out what motivates her and how she learns best and then help with her development the best that you can. You probably already know.

Most Autistic children learn best with their eyes, but the "experts" expect them to learn with their ears. If she is one of those that learns with her eyes, be sure to facilitate that. Use visuals for learning and expect the school to do the same. Most important - teach her to read well. If she reads well, she will develop quickly though her path will be much different than what the experts expect.



magz
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12 Sep 2019, 1:10 am

What we can gain is an auxiliary teacher and maybe some additional acommodations.
She does well academically but social and sensory aspect of school are hard and I want them to be taken account for.
I can't afford homeschooling, not enough mana/spoons. It's hard and unusual to homeschool in Poland, I don't know anyone who does.


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23 Sep 2019, 11:32 am

Update: after the first visit at children psychiatrist.
Yes, it is highly probable that M has AS. I was informed that it's not an illness but if not adressed, it can lead to anxiety and depression in later life.
Well, lady, tell me something I don't know.
But it's okay, she didn't tell me anything I would know to be false or harmful.


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magz
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07 Oct 2019, 7:59 am

I talked to some of her classmates. They seem genuinely worried my her progressing unresponsiveness. They try to support her.
She is not that way at home, at least in her free time.

Today, I left her at the school psychologist's office. Her school psychologist is cool, she could make her open up at least a bit. I can't keep her home every day, children school time is my alone time and I need it, but I also didn't want to leave her completely on her own.

Diagnostic process in progress.


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