Page 3 of 3 [ 37 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,877
Location: Adelaide, Australia

02 Aug 2021, 7:29 pm

blazingstar wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I feel like I'm trying to appese two irritable people. One is the baby and the other is the overbearing mother. There's stuff I know that will work for parenting but I know the mother will get mad at me.
.

Indeed you are trying to appease two different people, who have different ideas about what you should and shouldn't do.

All the suggestions made have been good ones.

But in the end, if you don't stand up for yourself, this is going to continue for at least another 17 years.

I have to. I will. She really thinks other people standing up for themselves agaisnt her is a sin. She takes it personally.

Yet she's always encouraging my to stand up to people in retail. It's like when we go into a shop she wants me to be a Karen like she is.

When she crashed her car into another car (her fault, the other guy had right of way and she didn't look where she was going) she wanted me to stand up for her.

What happens after 17 years? One of us dies?


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


SabbraCadabra
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,031
Location: Michigan

02 Aug 2021, 9:19 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
The mum is a fan of very bright lighting, preferably with a cool colour temperature. This also causes problems for my bedtime routine.

Yeah, blue light is supposed to be bad for sleep. I've never liked cool lighting, it just feels depressing to me. I've got warm bulbs all over, and I've got Christmas lights up all year for dim lighting.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
A white noise machine is a good idea.

It's worth a try. I don't know how much it will help at her age, but it's supposed to simulate the "wooshing" sound of blood in mother's womb. Most white noise machines just have rain/ocean sounds on loop. Some of them are kind of nice to listen to, though.

I think they say something like a hair dryer is closer to the proper frequency, though...maybe if you could record one or download a recording and loop it over some speakers?

I know when ours was a lot smaller, and the colic was really, really bad, the overhead fan in the bathroom would help calm him a little bit.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Too bad they don't make them in smaller sizes.

I can't imagine they would stay on a baby's head for very long =)

RetroGamer87 wrote:
What happens after 17 years?

Your daughter will be 18, and in theory, will no longer be dependent on her parents.


_________________
he had a lot to say, he had a lot of nothing to say
we'll miss him


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,877
Location: Adelaide, Australia

02 Aug 2021, 10:34 pm

SabbraCadabra wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The mum is a fan of very bright lighting, preferably with a cool colour temperature. This also causes problems for my bedtime routine.

Yeah, blue light is supposed to be bad for sleep. I've never liked cool lighting, it just feels depressing to me. I've got warm bulbs all over, and I've got Christmas lights up all year for dim lighting.

Maybe I should reprogram the lights in such a way that she can't control the colour temperature.

SabbraCadabra wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Too bad they don't make them in smaller sizes.

I can't imagine they would stay on a baby's head for very long =)

Very true.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
What happens after 17 years?

Your daughter will be 18, and in theory, will no longer be dependent on her parents.[/quote]
But the conflict between my partner and I will continue.

Anyway I don't really want to kick my daughter out when she turns 18. It seems cruel. She might not have the means to support herself. I want her to leave when she has the means to support herself and when she chooses to. That's the way it was with me.

She can gradually live more independently while still living at home until she feels practically and emotionally ready to leave. That's the way it was with me.


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


SabbraCadabra
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,031
Location: Michigan

03 Aug 2021, 9:28 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Anyway I don't really want to kick my daughter out when she turns 18. It seems cruel. She might not have the means to support herself. I want her to leave when she has the means to support herself and when she chooses to. That's the way it was with me.

Yeah, that's why I said "in theory". I didn't want to make any assumptions, especially when it comes to the autism spectrum.


_________________
he had a lot to say, he had a lot of nothing to say
we'll miss him


PoseyBuster88
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 17 Mar 2019
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 272

10 Aug 2021, 5:01 pm

So this may sound terrible, but I found I was pretty good at interpreting what my infant wanted if I approached him like a pet. If you're good with animals like I am, you're probably good at ready their body language and sounds...so baby body language is the same thing, just different motions/sounds to memorize. You can find articles and videos about common things babies do and train yourself to recognize them, and recognize patterns unique to your baby. Babies also mimic parents, so you may notice her copying your happy stims, etc. I honestly find babies and kids easier than many adults because they don't lie or cover up their reactions to things. An angry baby is ANGRY. A toddler who hates peas will let you know. No "politeness filter" to navigate.

I also think you and your partner should sit down, preferably with a neutral third party like a counselor, and work through what is and isn't acceptable as far as different parenting styles. All parents go through some of this, and it involves compromise on both sides. My spouse keeps our kid up later than I'd like, but we compromised on that since he can sleep in and not be harmed by staying up later at night. Similarly, we don't spank our kid because I can't stomach the idea of hitting a child. My partner was raised in a household with lots of spankings and doesn't see the issue, but he respects that we need to both agree so he doesn't do it.


_________________
~AQ 32; not formally diagnosed.~