Page 2 of 2 [ 25 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Jon81
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 4 Jul 2018
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 148
Location: Sweden

23 Oct 2021, 6:37 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:
Mrs Peel brings up something I feel needs much more awareness. She is absolutely correct- genetic changes can and do happen sometimes when a female fetus is developing her own eggs while inside her mother. So you may not see the full results of a mutation until that fetus has grown up and had her own children. So it may not be either of you guys. It could have been a cloud of fumes her mom walked into once.

I have a degenerative neurological disorder called spinocerebellar ataxia, which has been in my father's side of the family for at least 200 years. I have one son and there is no way to know yet if he has it too. He is 7 and has ADHD, so the prospect of asking him to care for me (or fend for himself) in a few years seems cruel. He is also really big, so that would make it harder if he ends up having what I have.

The way I see it is that we each deserve to live. And we are stronger as a society due to our diversity. It's a privilege to be here in the struggle.

I agree that your wife should go talk to a therapist before you guys decide either way. She should make sure she is ready to handle whatever she gets handed next.

And seriously, don't count people out. Some of the least functional people as kids turn out to be the most functional as adults.


Thanks for the last line there. It stuck on my mind.

I thought I'd give a follow up on this. We decided to have a kid on our own. The insemination was never my idea, but I would have gone through with it and welcomed that baby as our own had that happened. My biggest concern was the way that person would have had to face the fact I'm not the biological father. I didn't like the thought of doing that if there's no need for it.

My wife got pregnant some weeks ago. She wants a girl as she recons the odds are better for avoiding a third autistic child. I'm extremely excited and grateful as I thought I was done as a father, and at the same time I'm scared I convinced my wife into having this third child that could mean we would be getting ourselves into really deep water.


_________________
Din Aspie poäng: 102 av 200
Din neurotypiska (icke-autistiska) poäng: 108 av 200
Du verkar ha både Aspie och neurotypiska drag


SharonB
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jul 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,081

02 Nov 2021, 12:03 pm

I have a DNA kit sitting right here for a study. Obviously the study is still in progress, not complete. They are trying to find more definitive markers by taking DNA from 40,000 families with diagnosed ASD. I'm not quite sure how they are going to tell b/c for example in my case I am diagnosed but my ASD mother and ASD daughter are not. So DNA xxjskls in combination with iisjdjkwk in me means ASD, but in them it does not (simply b/c they are not diagnosed)? What a diagnostic mess. I had infertility and pregnancy loss so my embryos were genetically tested - just the big ones which are mostly fatal. Interestingly embryos can test initially as "abnormal" (majority of cells have genetic defects) but as they grow can become normal (the defective cells are "outgrown").

Plenty of folks love their (caring) parents regardless of their (bio) parents. If a child turned away from a parent for not being a bio, it would be simply a convenient reason, not THE reason. It could start a bio parent search and like any other challenge in a child's life you'd be in support of your child regardless of the good/bad results of that endeavor. I believe we love more, not less.



Ettina
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,796

04 Nov 2021, 4:13 pm

MrsPeel wrote:
Oh, it just occurred to me, there's something you haven't considered, and it might be important.

Your wife would have been born with all her ova, they develop inside the fetus.
That means that if your wife's mother was exposed to drugs or toxins when she was pregnant, it could have affected the ova, which might potentially be the cause of your kids' autism.
If this is the case, genetic testing of yourself and your wife would not show anything.

I suggest you might see if your wife could have a chat with her mother about whether she might have taken any drugs or been exposed to any toxins when she was pregnant.
I'm not saying this is a likely cause of your kids' autism, but it is a possible, and worth checking out.
Because if it's the case, the plan for a surrogate father could seriously backfire and you could end up with a third autistic kid.


Wouldn't it be extremely unlikely for a toxin to cause the exact same effect on each ova? This would be more plausible if their kids were both disabled in entirely different ways. Mutagens cause random mutations, not the same one each time.



Jon81
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 4 Jul 2018
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 148
Location: Sweden

08 Nov 2021, 2:11 pm

I don't think there's any toxins involved. I have 3 second cousins who are aspies and they come from the same blood line but different families. My brother has a son with autism. All my siblings most likely have ADHD. I'm being evaluated, with through the roof scores for ADHD (and just below cut-off aspie score), and I'm the one who would be least likely to have it in comparison to my siblings. My father is most likely an aspie combined with ADD.

Then there are several relatives from the same blood line as the other aspies that are undiagnosed. One is keeping track of all statistics regarding some regional indoor sport no one gives a damn about. He's been keeping it up for ages for no good reason.

One girl was considered mute, until one day when she started talking at the age of 5. I think that goes a long way to describe how likely it is there are more aspies in the family.

Still there is no biological marker. Maybe that's for the better.


_________________
Din Aspie poäng: 102 av 200
Din neurotypiska (icke-autistiska) poäng: 108 av 200
Du verkar ha både Aspie och neurotypiska drag


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 105,130
Location: Canada in person, Germany in spirit

22 Nov 2021, 12:25 am

Fnord wrote:
Eugenics is making a comeback, I see...


I think I just puked up a swastika myself.


_________________
Peabody

Om Nom 2024

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


AngelL
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 13 Jul 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 341
Location: Seattle, WA

26 Nov 2021, 9:22 pm

Jon81 wrote:
My wife is still insisting on having it done the other way as she's a highly sensitive person and says she has to know what it's like to have a "normal" family as well. I know that sounds really insensitive (I am the first one to acknowledge that) but I believe there's just no way of making her come out of this depression of our current life situation.


Few things in my life have stayed consistent throughout my life. One thing that has is this: Searching for fulfillment or happiness outside of myself has always failed spectacularly. I hope you accept my question in the spirit it is asked; it's meant compassionately. Do you sincerely believe that the person you've described above is emotionally ready to provide for the needs of another child? A child, as you well know, depends upon their parents for their very survival. When children are given the responsibility to care for the emotional needs of a parent - particularly the primary care provider, an attachment disorder is the least of the damage they'll incur.



Jon81
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 4 Jul 2018
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 148
Location: Sweden

04 Dec 2021, 7:13 pm

AngelL wrote:
Jon81 wrote:
My wife is still insisting on having it done the other way as she's a highly sensitive person and says she has to know what it's like to have a "normal" family as well. I know that sounds really insensitive (I am the first one to acknowledge that) but I believe there's just no way of making her come out of this depression of our current life situation.


Few things in my life have stayed consistent throughout my life. One thing that has is this: Searching for fulfillment or happiness outside of myself has always failed spectacularly. I hope you accept my question in the spirit it is asked; it's meant compassionately. Do you sincerely believe that the person you've described above is emotionally ready to provide for the needs of another child? A child, as you well know, depends upon their parents for their very survival. When children are given the responsibility to care for the emotional needs of a parent - particularly the primary care provider, an attachment disorder is the least of the damage they'll incur.


The answer to your question is no. I don't think she's emotionally stable. She never was. Now she's even worse. I used to think that no matter what problem get resolved, a new will arise from the pieces of the previous one. I will need to take a lot of responsibility and stand up for my kids and our family. I know what people will be thinking and it's not going to be an easy ride. I'm thinking we're already in deep enough s**t so there's not much more harm to be done by getting one more baby. I enjoy these kids so much despite all the difficulties in everyday life.

I wonder what the chances of having 3 children and all being autistic are. One would think it can't be THAT common??


_________________
Din Aspie poäng: 102 av 200
Din neurotypiska (icke-autistiska) poäng: 108 av 200
Du verkar ha både Aspie och neurotypiska drag


old_comedywriter
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 415
Location: Somewhere west of where you are

04 Dec 2021, 8:08 pm

Jon81 wrote:
Anyone else had their DNA tested?

You gave a couple of good reasons why NOT to have your DNA tested. A few more: Medical insurers using this info to deny/increase cost of health insurance, potential employers using this info to discriminate in hiring, landlords refusing to rent to health risks, and so on. It's like any other unnecessary labeling.


_________________
It ain't easy being me, but someone's gotta do it.


Jon81
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 4 Jul 2018
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 148
Location: Sweden

05 Dec 2021, 3:47 pm

old_comedywriter wrote:
Jon81 wrote:
Anyone else had their DNA tested?

You gave a couple of good reasons why NOT to have your DNA tested. A few more: Medical insurers using this info to deny/increase cost of health insurance, potential employers using this info to discriminate in hiring, landlords refusing to rent to health risks, and so on. It's like any other unnecessary labeling.


The test results were only used for a medical study. I would not like to hand my DNA tests over to the insurance company. I see your point here and I know exactly what mean. Another thing is if they would somehow figure out some biological marker for autism, and what that could lead to. I had my test because I wanted to know if there are any answers out there. I also enjoyed finding out some other stuff, which basically is just confirming what is straight infront of me when I look in the mirror. Most of it is pure garbage though. Like "probability of being a drinker" 55% of people with your DNA are 10% more likely to drink more than the average person ... :roll: :roll: :roll:

So most of these results are just a guessing game anyway, and the accuracy is as crappy as anyones guess.


_________________
Din Aspie poäng: 102 av 200
Din neurotypiska (icke-autistiska) poäng: 108 av 200
Du verkar ha både Aspie och neurotypiska drag