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PIERINA
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21 Nov 2022, 9:50 pm

Hi. I’m new sort of new. This is my first post. I’m a mother of six kids and oddly enough only the youngest is autistic and he’s the only one who’s not my biological child but he is my nephew. He’s my sweetest child and the nicest of the bunch. The rest are adults and a few of the girls are pretty mean to me. The one who’s 25 did something that reminded me of something I would do and when I mentioned it to her she very serious said, don’t ever compare me to you again. We are nothing alike you got that? It took me some time as in weeks to process that and make sense of it. She’s known for her meanness and saying mean things especially to me but this was by far the most hurtful thing she’s ever said to me. I’m wondering if it’s common for kids to treat their parents so terrible? I’d like to think she was just in a bad mood but I’d be fooling myself. I’m just adding that I thought this was my first post but apparently not. I just saw I’ve posted 10 but I think those were comments not actual posts



kraftiekortie
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22 Nov 2022, 7:03 am

Sorry your kid said those mean things to you.

Most kids are respectful to their parents—but there’s the odd kid who isn’t.



goldfish21
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27 Nov 2022, 11:54 pm

It's not that strange for teenage girls and young women to be awful to their mothers. I've witnessed lots of it and heard countless other stories. I think it's a pretty common thing so you at least shouldn't feel like you're alone as the only mother being treated that way by their kid(s).


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timf
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28 Nov 2022, 7:42 am

don’t ever compare me to you again. We are nothing alike you got that?

In a way it is sort of a compliment.

Such a statement conveys a wealth of information. One can find hurt, selfishness, and a presumption of dictatorial authority. The phrase "How sharper than a serpent's tooth, a thankless child" captures both some of the pain as well as the frequency of parental sorrow.

If she is as equally mean to others, she may face a lonely life. Speaking as a parent who has faced an almost ceaseless barrage of ingratitude and contempt, if you can weather the storms, you may be able to persevere.

Step one. By asking questions, you may be able to draw out of her some of the source of her discontent. She may feel she has been mistreated or received poor treatment from you. If you are bold enough, you may even ask her to list all the deficiencies she see in you. If she has come developmentally to only be able to see others in terms of what she doesn't like, you may be in for a long rough ride.

Step two. In responding to her expressions of contempt, you may be able to slowly introduce an analytical process. For example, if she describes in detail what she hates about you, you may be able to ask her if she has observed those same qualities in others. In engaging her in such assessments, you can slowly begin to help her see people more rationally.

Step three. Often anger with others can be reduced when consideration of their own developmental challenges is considered. For example, if your enemy can be seen as someone sad who may not have turned out any different because of his parents or other circumstance, your view of him may begin to soften.

Step four. This may be many years in the future, however, being able to see herself in terms of analysis and understanding may allow her to accept changes that could improve her happiness.