Feel conflicted about having kids and not having kids

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chris1989
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05 Feb 2024, 11:32 am

Right now my sister is staying round with her 4 year old son whilst her house is being worked on for a few weeks. I feel sometimes I get on with him well but then there are times when I find him annoying where he is running around, making funny noises and repeating videos and things on the phone. I sometimes feel like my sister is more grown up because she has a son than I do as I am older. I seem at times to feel as though I should have had a kid before my sister, I mean my mum had me and my sister before her younger brother who never had kids of his own and my dad had me and my sister before his younger brother did. I feel these conflicting thoughts of having kids because I ''have'' to and not wanting kids will just keep nagging in my head. Even knowing my uncle and his ex wife first got married in their early 30s and never had kids of his own doesn't reassure or make me want to follow the life route he took. I don't know whether I'm just failing to appreciate me for what I really want and not accepting the fact that people grow up and become adults and then eventually start having kids themselves and there's nothing I can do about it.



SocOfAutism
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05 Feb 2024, 12:37 pm

If you are a dude, I would not worry about this at all. You do not have a clock ticking.

I am a woman and I had my only child right after I turned 37. I had already finished all the adventurous stuff I wanted to do, so I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. My kid is a handful. I would not have had the patience with him that I do now if I were younger. Sure, I may have had more energy if I had him earlier, but I'd be a lot more poor. And I'm sure I would have more things to apologize for now.

My uncle had his only child when he was about 50. He also got to do lots of running about and making his dreams come true beforehand. My cousin got to grow up with both parents there for her in a committed relationship. They divorced after she turned 18, but thanks to their maturity, they are still friends and continue to have dinner once a week.

Either way, you'll know when it's the right time. It'll just happen naturally on its own.



chris1989
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05 Feb 2024, 6:19 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:
If you are a dude, I would not worry about this at all. You do not have a clock ticking.

I am a woman and I had my only child right after I turned 37. I had already finished all the adventurous stuff I wanted to do, so I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. My kid is a handful. I would not have had the patience with him that I do now if I were younger. Sure, I may have had more energy if I had him earlier, but I'd be a lot more poor. And I'm sure I would have more things to apologize for now.

My uncle had his only child when he was about 50. He also got to do lots of running about and making his dreams come true beforehand. My cousin got to grow up with both parents there for her in a committed relationship. They divorced after she turned 18, but thanks to their maturity, they are still friends and continue to have dinner once a week.

Either way, you'll know when it's the right time. It'll just happen naturally on its own.


I know from what I have been told by women is that it's different from them as they can't have children by or after a certain age. I don't know why I get these thoughts especially if I am around or seeing other people my age or a bit younger with kids and feeling as though time is moving on and I know at the same time I shouldn't rush into things. I don't know if I'm just over aware and not appreciating myself for maybe not wanting my own kids.

I seem to feel that even men over a certain age still get frowned upon like women for having kids late. I've heard stories of celebs having them in their 50s, 60s, and even in their 70s and 80s. Even I am just as guilty of feeling that that is too old to bring a child into the world. I know of people in some of those age groups who don't have kids and feel happy without them and even feel seem to feel as though younger people will still look down at older people who are still single, going out and enjoying life and think they are "creepy" and "weird".