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Feeling beaten up by daughter

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Pippen
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 14 Oct 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 151

01 Nov 2006, 2:53 am

Mommyofone you didn't mention how old your daughter is except to say that she's little. That info might help.

I would suggest that you get a copy of the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene if you don't have it already. Look for the most recent edition--2005 or 2006. The parenting strategies outlined in that book dramatically changed how we interact with my son, and consequently changed our entire household. It helped us too look at a lot of things that were causing meltdowns and to address them preemptively. We chose battles carefully, worded things carefully, supervised more than the average parents, etc. etc.--basically took a lot of steps to help undo that knee jerk no/yelling/meltdown behavior that can become habitual in inflexible children. In the short term things eased up so my son wasn't so explosive so freqently because he wasn't constantly being challenged. Over the long haul (we've been at it for about five years) what it has done has bought him time to learn rationalization skills that didn't develop automatically...and weren't going to develop if he had continued on in that mode.



Aspie94
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29 Nov 2006, 7:54 am

pink wrote:
I don't know where you live. Is there any support groups available around? I used to go every week to Parents Anonymous, it was my lifeline when I lived in Milwaukee. I knew if I could just make it until the weekly meeting, I could go on for another week.
When my kids blame me for all the things I "have done wrong", I tell them I did the best with what I had to work with. I refuse to apologize for doing "my best". Also, if my kids don't obey when I tell them to do something, I place the blame for the consequences squarely on them. I say "you are training your mom to scream at you", or "you are training me to be a b***h" (my sons are in their teens). Then I say, "If you would obey when I ask you nicely, I would never have to raise my voice. Wouldn't that be nicer?" It usually produces action.
I live in Wisconsin Rapids. Hi, Neighbor :)



Pandora
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02 Dec 2006, 11:11 am

It's crap to say that kids are training you to be a b***h or to yell as you are doing that yourself. How about if they turn it back on you later on in life and say "you're training me to stay out all hours because you nag all the time" or "you're training me to be grumpy and argumentative".

I've known of people trying to make their kids responsible for all their emotions and I don't like it one bit and lose most of my respect for their parenting skills. Taken to an even worse level, it's like the parent who says "it's your fault I drink too much" or "it's your fault I'm having a nervous breakdown".

I think it's bad to yell at Aspie kids as they have sensory issues with noise but I guess it would happen sometimes out of frustration.


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