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Fathers of autistic son can't deal with him...

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CockneyRebel
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09 Apr 2010, 5:24 am

I guess that now the old timers at WP now know why I've posted those things about America, that I'm taking back, right now. I like America and The Beatles, now. I think that my parents, and especially my dad, should have been more sensitive towards me, instead of trying to fix me. The worse thing was, when my dad decided that he hated my Cockney accent, and he wanted me to sound like the rest of the kids, who were raised in Southern British Columbia, and my parents were telling me not to talk through my nose, that whole summer, that I was 12 going on 13. I've cried myself to sleep, nearly every night, that summer.

"Did you cry yourself to sleep, again, last night?"

"Yes, because I don't feel loved and accepted by you, anymore."

"Don't talk through your nose!"

"Why don't you kill me, while you're at it? That's what you want to do, anyways."

"I don't want to kill you...just don't talk through your nose. You sound like you're from London."

"I'll get you back for that, when the radio is on, tonight!"

The same evening of the morning that I go through that, once again, I coerce my sister into singing the Kinks songs that are playing on the radio, laughing at her, because she sounds horrible, because she doesn't have a Cockney accent, like The Kinks or myself.

My mentally challenged parents don't catch on to what I'm doing, because they have no empathy for me. That was the Summer of 1987 for me, in a nutshell.


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CockneyRebel
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09 Apr 2010, 5:26 am

My parents aren't really mentally challenged.


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Francis
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14 Apr 2010, 9:14 pm

whatamess wrote:
I don't know if this is the right forum, so let me know if it should be posted elsewhere...

I have spent the last 3 yrs reading up about autism, here and in other places, attempting to understand my son, attempting to figure out his triggers for meltdowns, etc...and helping him learn new ways when he is becoming stressed out...

My husband on the other hand has read nothing...all he knows is what I tell him and even that, I don't think he listens to much.
I can go w/my son alone just about anywhere and he won't have a meltdown...we can go to the corner store here and I never have a problem with him...my husband on the other hand has basically had the people at the store tell him not to bring him in anymore because everytime they go there is a meltdown...sigh...

I am sick of being the one helping him...I worry sick what kind of life he would have w/out me since my husband just doesn't seem to "get" it and if he does, does nothing to improve himself so that he can help our son avoid meltdowns.

Is it harder for fathers than mothers? Is my husband just plain lazy? I am truly at my wits end...I homeschool so I am with him 24/7...it's unfair to both me and OUR SON to have to depend on me to help him through this vs. have BOTH his parents do what they can to learn more about him and to actually help him...

This is causing major stress in our marriage and I sometimes feel our son would be better off w/out his dad around, since he can't help him anyway...the only reason I am still here is because I worry a judge would give him visitation and then my son would not be taken care of properly because of his dad's lack of involvement/knowledge...

What can I do? Is there a way I can help my son so that when he's with his father he can control himself better w/out the assistance of his father? He is only 8yrs old...


Some men are just raised to think raising kids is the wife's job. I'm not saying it's right, becuase its not. It's just some people are raised to think that. I'm not sure how you break years of programming. As fas as your son being better without him. Well, it could be worse. I was sent to the hospital several times as a child due to a drunk abusive father. (I always told them I fell down the stairs.) Maybe he's not connected with your son, but that is probably better then no Father.

Have you asked him about his lack of interest?



luvmyaspie
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15 Apr 2010, 6:32 am

[quote="Francis"]

... I was sent to the hospital several times as a child due to a drunk abusive father...


:cry: and in some cases no father is better than a drunken, abusive father


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