Girls with Asperger's

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one thing that schools are bound to is test scores. A clinical diagnosis does not automatically get a child services in most states. Test scores indicating Autism are necessary. And unfortunately, most girls with Asperger Syndrome don't match the criteria set for males due to ability to function in specific situations like you mentioned. Sounds like your daughter learned the basic "script" for conversation assessment.

My daughter is 13 and I didn't know what AS was until the school wanted to test her and gave me a questionnaire to fill out and I was puzzled by the questions. I didn't think the behavior was abnormal. Then I realized it was because I had it too. I come from a large family but I am the only one who doesn't hug like everyone else. Nobody said anything about my behavior they just figured I was artsy/introvert and that's okay. I do not have meltdowns. I do have stupid stress but am not paralyzed by it. My daughter has had a couple meltdowns but never at home. I was just told by the school and she was okay once they gave her time to chill. Thank goodness the special ED teacher has an autistic daughter so she can relate to her behavior. She has the over sensory stuff like bright light, and sudden loud sounds that can upset her. She had problems with her 5th grade teacher who kept suggesting medication whenever we were at meetings. I would not medicate because she was not harming others or herself. I knew she would learn to find her own way of managing. I just did not know when. She repeats sentences when I ask her something and we both have to ask each other to repeat things if we did not get all the details. We are AS but I cannot answer her questions. We have the resources so I say Google it and then she comes back to tell me what she found. She is very good at math and loves bugs. She too protested when others were stepping on a hatching occurring during Gym and got an F for the day. I was so proud of her I said for such an act of virtue. I was impulsive and hurtful with animals so I did not leave her alone with any until about 10 yrs. maybe. When she gets excited and has to jump around or leave the room to run around the house and then come back I just tell her to be careful or try and do jumping jacks (She still does this at home). Tai chi might work. I took Karate in college and found that beneficial. About her quirks I was only annoyed when she was making a repetitive sound over and over then I finally figured out it was a soothing mechanism and just let it run its course and she does not do that anymore. We laugh about our behavior but also talk about how it is important to function in the world and try to help each other. I believe using what ever sources you can to keep the self-esteem level high because of the adversity she is bound to encounter. I don't know how it is with everyone else but I hate boredom. I want to be stimulated, so I have a backpack that has notepads, camera, mp3 keep me occupied if for some chance there is wait time.

If you don’t agree with the school, you can ask for a independent evaluation. I’m doing this with a speech evaluation with my son, our school district is paying for it.

My son has asperger’s my daughter is having a lot of trouble with her friends and I’m beginning to think she could have AS also. She is very different from my son, but something is not right. The school is doing a autism evel. right now . When they finish if I don’t agree, I will ask for a outside evel.

My dd is fighting with her friends over nothing, she is very attached to her things, will go crazy if she can’t find something (cried for hours over a ponytail holder), has only a few friends and the one she doesn’t fight with is 2 years younger, her motor skills are very bad, she is dysgraphic, she picks at her skin till it bleeds and will sometimes scratch furniture or dump out a bottle of shampoo, just destroys things or gets in to things she shouldn’t, she cries and has tantrums for hours over something every day, she is very quite and shy at school. She is a bright 9 year old that gets A’s and B’s. She is so different from her AS brother, but I have also have heard how different and how hard it is to diagnose in girls. I’m not sure what’s going on , but something is. The school is doing a lot of testing , I’m not sure even what all my advocate has asked for, but it’s a lot.

Hi, sorry to hear you are having such a rough time with the schools! They can be difficult to work with. My daughter, now 3, was diagnosed with PDD, she has similar traits as your daughter, she can count to 20, spell words, she pretty much knows as much as any 1st grader, all visual. One reason you MIGHT be having issues is because of the one on one need, which your daughter may like because of sensory overload issues, my ASD 14 year old still can not handle going into the lunch room he has to eat lunch in the "aut room". And he is on the B honor roll in general ed! So maybe you should talk to your school and see if that is the problem... with todays budget cuts it could be. And if that would be the case, I know we do this at our school, suggest to your school that they call the university near you and check into getting a couple grad students majoring in a common field and see if they need intern hours. (oh yeah, and last time I checked it was the doctors NOT the schools who make the diagnosis so just keep intouch with your doctor or get her into a specalist to get a medical diagnosisi. Sometimes the schools make me so mad...I finally found a good one and I will not move just for that reason! Good luck with everything

Just to say, she sounds very like my daughter, who was diagnosed AS aged 13.

I really think the ASD specialist is the person to listen to, not the people at school, because people have so many misconceptions about autism, they often have a very rigid idea of what an autistic person is like. I keep on hearing the phrase, 'if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism'. I think it is very true.

Some things sound a lot like my 8 yr old Aspie daughter. She, too, loves nature and animals. She rarely meltdowns at school, but I remember in one instance that she came unglued was because some kids were trying to coax a frog out of a hole with a stick and she thought that they were trying to hurt it. The teacher said she started jumping up and down and she was screaming hysterically at the kids and at the teachers to come help - the teacher was shocked because it was so "out of the ordinary" for her to act like that (if they only knew what went on behind closed doors... )

When I take her to McDonalds to eat and play she doesn't join the other kids and find out what they are playing, etc She wants to direct the play. Her favorite is to pretend that she is a wolf or a monster and she is after the kids. When she catches a kid then it is their turn to be the wolf or monster and chase the others. She will try to assign characters to the other kids (you are the mother, you are the baby, etc). Things are fine if the other kids play along - which usually happens if the kids are younger or don't have strong personalities. But, if the kids don't go along with her she ends up alone in the top of the play equipment howling like a wolf or growling like a monster while they play whatever else it is they are playing. Or, she keeps after the kids trying to dictate to them how to play - I end up calling her over to explain that they don't have to follow what she wants to play and to try one of their games and then maybe they might play one of hers, etc

I had problems with her school as well. They acknowledged that she was "different". They knew she had a previous ADHD diagnosis and I told them that her private counselor and myself suspected Asperger's and that I wanted her evaluated by the school. The principal argued that she didn't see an educational need to test her because her grades were fine (even though I pointed out that this was a repeated grade). I didn't think that they could tell me no just because her grades were fine so I called the TEA (Texas Education Agency) and they told me that it didn't matter how well she was doing academically, that if she had social deficits and other things that worried me that I believed could impact her schooling that she qualified for testing. So, I called the principal back up and when she launched into the stuff about not seeing an "educational need" I told her what the TEA had told me when I called them and all of a sudden she quit arguing with me and lined her up for testing. Magic! The schools get to moving when you let them know that you have talked to the Education Agency in your state that is over the schools. When they completed the testing the psychologist confirmed the Asperger's and the school had a wealth of information to help them help HER in her schooling. She didn't qualify for an IEP, but she did qualify for a 504.

Oh yeah, the principal kept commenting on the fact the my DD made decent eye contact and wanted to play with the other kids and that they had had another little Aspie girl at one time but that she was very different from my daughter and that her family had got a private diagnosis. I kept telling her that all Aspie people are different and that the school should test her because even if I got a private diagnosis that I would still be asking the school to evaluate her because I wanted the school to be doing everything that they could to help her. And do you know, the principal even had the audacity to ask me if an Asperger diagnosis was really something that I wanted "following her around on her record"? I was shocked. Speechless. Then I got mad after I really thought about it.

Heh--I was obsessed with the Beatles when I was 13 and I still am. (Took my kids to a Paul McCartney concert last Saturday).

My AS daughter is 10. Whereas your daughter seems to be sound-sensitive, my daughter is touch-sensitive....certain clothing "hurts", won't hug, won't kiss, hates physical affection all together, picky about textures in foods, doesn't like to be touched at all by people.

My daughter loves dogs too. She is a bit obsessed with them, knowing all the different breed types and such. She even has a dog-sitting business that she does very well with. She doesn't seem to have the same touch issues with dogs as she does with people.

My daughter, like yours, reads exceptionally well and comprehends what she reads. We've timed her at 400 words per minute. She taught herself to read before she started Kindergarten and has been reading ever since. Fiction is one of her "things". She escapes to a quiet place and reads, usually going through a book every couple days. We're talking big fat books.

Unlike your daughter, my daughter does not have the motor-control issues. She loves running and riding her bike and has no problem with them. She's actually quite athletic.

She does, however have a few obvious stims. New ones are surfacing all the time. She makes strange noises with her throat constantly, sticks out her tounge and moves it from side to side, makes weird noises with her mouth like swishing saliva through her teeth, and she mutilates her hands and feet by chewing on them to the point of bleeding.

As for pretend play...my daughter does not do that. She used to somewhat when she was younger, but when she had a tea party, she wanted "real" tea in the pot. If she couldn't have tea, she would settle for water, but she could not comprehend sipping an imaginary liquid. She does have a couple American Girl dolls that she plays with, but not like most girls play with dolls. She likes to dress them and arrange them in different realistic positions and take photos of them with her camera. She even makes backgrounds and incredibly detailed tiny little things for them, like school folders and books and such. One day she said it was one of the doll's birthday and she made hats and gifts and tiny balloons and took pictures of the scene. But as for imaginary play such as making them converse or pretending they are real...she does not do that at all.

It sounds like my daughter is not a whole lot like yours, but that doesn't mean either one of them is not an Aspie. Good luck with the school!

Hi.. Both me and my daughter have Asperger's.. (my daughters is worst than mine but she remains undiagnosed as I cant get her to have an assessment). What i think is interesting.. is both me and my daughter present as Asperger's completely differently.

She at times has complete monotone and talks constantly and overly loudy (i was forever pulling her back from people as she'd inappropriately approach strangers esp old men and drown them with her non stop talk even jumping on strangers laps uptil 12 years old, she never has had any "stranger danger" sense).. im quiet and dont speak much as I dont know what to say (where as my daughter just goes on about things which interest her.. she has no thoughts of not knowing what to say!! she doesnt care and will make the topics all her own (and so this differences list go ones).

I got throu school with good grades, my daughter really struggled her way throu and had to have one to one help and the special classes right throu. I have so many special interests.. I havent been able to pick even if my daughter has a special interest.. as she goes on about ANYTHING non stop. im very aware of dangers.. my daughter has never had much sense as far as danger is concerned (she used to dive off of wardrobes head first and concused herself so many times!! ending up in hospital. she'd do the same off playground equipment at school so had to be constantly watched)

My daughters Asperger's was missed even thou she was in the special ed classes right throu school (she's only just finished school). My daughter also was seeing a child psychologist by the time she was 3 or 4 years due to her extreme behaviour.. after trying everything one does to deal with difficult behaviour which didnt work with her, the child psychologist just said "she's stubborn", "this child you are never going to be able to get her to do anything she doesnt want to do". She kept on seeing this psychologist on and off till she was about 12.

A doctor when my daughter when i was at a doctors appointment for myself.. due to her behaviour.. called her "malicious" and got angry at my child and actually picked her up and stood her in a corner, my daugher was only 4 at the time. I ask myself why on earth didnt anyone realise there was something really wrong with my child, i know now she wasnt just "naughty". Its sad.. i gave my child a truely hard time for not doing things like cleaning her room, when i know now, she couldnt as she had no organisation skills at all.

My Asperger's was missed (only just diagnosed at the age of 39 yrs), even with seeing MANY psychologists and psychriatrists (about 13 of them) and ended up in hospital many times due to my behaviour. It took a doctor who has much Asperger's in her family along with an Asperger's son who i went to live with for 6mths, to notice my Asperger's. Once it was brought to my attention "i KNEW' that was my issue as it fit me so much.... i've learnt to mimic so well that its hardly noticable (but of cause that all makes things exceptionally hard on me hence the melt downs i was having every now and then (and the trouble i ended up getting in with the law).

Im majorly struggled my whole life, yet no one noticed it... even things like getting my licence was difficult (i had no space judgement sense so struggled to drive in car in straight line.. i had over 60 drivers lessons that is AFTER both my boyfriend and family had given up on teaching me). No one actually considered that the problems i had, were due to an actual issue.

i refered myself to the states Autism Society for an assessment (the only place i could find who does Adult diagnoses).. and was assessed by two experts there... sure enough i had Asperger's. i think they knew that even before they saw me as they'd sent a lot of questionaire forms to be filled out by those who knew me as well as me. There was giveaways all my life I had this. eg i was an exceptionally "good baby" as my mother could put me in front of a tv and unlike all my sisters, i'd be fixated on it and wouldnt move all day. (so the case of having Asperger's in my own case actualy make me easier to deal with in some ways).

From this i know that it is very hard for anyone to realise many females have Asperger's unless they are an expert in Asperger'.

I just loved bugs... and as i got older this interest in creepy crawlies had turned to poisonous spiders. By the age of 13years.. i had LIVE poisonous spider collections i kept in jars and fed daily.

i myself was normal with my singing.. by my Aspie daughter.. she is NEVER quiet, if she wasnt singing, she was either talking (she never shuts up) or making weird noises.

"hold a reciprical conversation with an adult, but typically ends up back to any specific topic that she was interested in."

Both me and my daughter could always do that easily... Its peers we have trouble with... even now i cant talk well with peers eg will hardly speak at all if in a group situation unless its to do with my special interests (I did have a one close friend at a time when growing up who i would properly engage in conversation with (those people thou my age, were more often like my mentors and i saw them like that... I also engage in proper converstation with my boyfriends when i have one).

I are a bit of a loner (but looking at me from the outside.. due to my mimicing.. that has at times been hard for others to see). i crave company but i also like to be alone. (and unless im very close to that other person.. i cant stand to be in company long.. after after 2 hrs or less, im really wanting to go home). My daughter struggled with friendship too and when she did have a friend, it was usually just the one close friend. (Both myself and my daughter got really picked on at school as other kids new we were different).

i was an exceptional reader. My daughter is the opposite.. she hates books as she has always had reading difficulties. For myself as i didnt have many friends, i spent much of my highschool years in library reading at lunches and recess breaks.

best luck at getting throu to the school.. that is very bad that they wont listen to an expert report. It will made them view your daughter in poorly light. Maybe you can contact your states education dept. over it and have a talk to them. (if the one who did your daughters assessment was more qualified in Autism than the one who assessed her at school.. you have i think good grounds for a complaint. If not.. get her assessed by someone who is very qualified who's report cant be ignored.
As i myself got assessed by the actual Autism Society experts. no one could say i dont have this).

best luck

We are in the same situation. Our daughter was given and emotionally impaired tag at school due to her outbursts - and they state that she is NOT on the spectrum, in spite of a diagnosis of PDD-NOS at age 4 from an private psychologist. We are currently having a full neuropsych work-up done (scheduled for this fall), so that we have some additional ammunition to once again have discussions with the district about DD's diagnosis, how she learns, where her strength and weaknesses are, etc.
I wish I had an answer for you - hopefully, your district will accept the outside diagnosis and move forward with giving your daughter the services she needs. Honestly, our daughter's sound very similar - we also see the attention seeking, the singing (DD also hums), the outbursts and not having friends, conversely, our DD HATES bugs and freaks out over them, but does love animals - horses especially. I could go on and on.....

Every kid wants to fit in; even a lot of people with autistm/AS can tell there's something different about themselves (That "Maybe I really am from another planet" moment). Your daughter has just learned how to do it at an early age. Wish I'd learned that quickly lol....it took me until maybe age 8 to figure out what was acceptable/not acceptable socially. I used to study other people and mimic their behavior.

If your daughter got tested and scored within the AS range, then legally the school cannot override that; they are obligated to help your daughter.

My daughter is 19 and was diagnosed at the age of 17. The school kept saying she had an emotional disorder she was on all kinds of medication for every mental disorder out there. She does not have good social skills with her peers but gets along great with older adults and young children. People her own age label her as weird and in middle school they harrassed her and she would try to hurt herself to get away from school. The students made up a lie that she had a hit list and called her a witch and told her she should die. The school did nothing to discipline the other students for the lies but removed my daughter from the school because you can't suspend 250 students but you can suspend one. I had to fight to keep her in school and finally she went to an alternative school for a few years then went back t the regular high school to graduate with a 3.2 grade average. She is currently taking college classes 2 each semester at a 4.0 grade averege but is terrified she will run into students from her old school. She is very non social for fear of how others will treat her. Don't let the school get away with telling you your daughter doesn't have asperger's. Thy do things like that because of funding and they don't want to spend extra money on our children's special needs it takes away from the "normal" students that is what I was told.

Haven't been around in awhile. Just wanted to update you all. We ended up pulling dd out of school and homeschooling her. It's going well, but there are still issues. She has lots of work avoidance issues. Needs a lot of 1 on 1 time.

The school ended up offering to have her put in an emotional/behavioral classroom with 4 behaviorally challenged boys. Um...no! I didn't want to spend years fighting them, meanwhile losing precious time for my dd, so I just brought her home. The last posters comment about the horrible things that happened to her daughter clarify this decision for me. I can't imagine anyone being so mean to my child. Talk about damage done. I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter.

Children with AS are differentiated from those with HFA because they have no clinically significant speech delays and can actually be quite talkative, at least with adults.

I could have very in depth conversations with adults when I was a child that I could not have with other children. There are a few important reasons for this. First, my interests were on subjects that most children my age weren't interested in and adults were better equipped to converse about. Second, the adults usually initiated the conversation and kept it going as they were usually attempting to build a rapport with me and would engage me in a subject of my interest.

I spent most of my time doing pretend play. However I did not play house like other children and I can see how most of my pretend play could be invisible to an outside observer.

I think this is just another case of the school trying to save money to be honest with you. It is a fact that schools hate providing services and will do everything they can to deny them to a child.