Could she have autism?

Post Reply New Topic

Acceptance does not mean you should not help your child. I do not think the OP was implying non-acceptance at all. She just wants to help her child. My son is also HFA, but he needs help, and it does not mean I do not accept him for who he is. Everyone, including NTs have strengths and weaknesses. If I had an NT child who was bad at math; It would not be non-acceptance to help my child with math. I have a son who has autistic issues, and I try my best help to him with those and seek help from others when appropriate. It does not make me nor the OP a curebie (sp?)

Some kids are HF enough to where they mainly need understanding, but not a lot of concrete help navigating the universe. Other kids are not. Part of parenting is figuring out where one's respective child is. The OP has no way of knowing if her child will outgrow these things unassisted, or not. There is nothing harmful at all about the OP, seeking out help. If it is not needed or counterproductive it can always be scaled back or eliminated. It is too early to tell that, yet. Most normal mainstream early interventions (other than scammy crackpot ones, of course--which is a separate issues) would benefit any child (more interaction, a consistent schedule etc.) and won't do any harm.

Edited to clarify and add: My son has a ton of strengths, many of which are directly related to his autism. So when I say autistic issues with which he needs help I am not referring to these autistic traits that are beneficial. I mean that he has communication/social and other issues that he needs help with so he can live with and understand the non familial NTs that populate his world.

I love and appreciate the good (and sometimes just different) traits, too!

I have another question. It doesnt seem like Ara feels cold. For example she walked barefoot right into the snow last night and did not seem to notice (she was fascinated with snow on the rail of our porch), she loves to eat ice cubes...she actually sneaks them out my parents cups when we are visiting their house.

Is this part of Autism or anything? or maybe a sensory thing?

It is a sensory thing, so yes, it is something sometimes occurring with autistic people. Sometimes spectrum people can be either over or under sensitive to heat, pain, cold etc.

I appear to be making you guys mad here, and I don't know if it's because you're misunderstanding me or because you really think my takeaways are offensive. I don't see how what I'm saying could be offensive so I'm going to assume the former and restate:

-Communication comes in many different forms and it's good to pay attention to even things which can be really hard for us as NTs to deal with (kicking and hitting might mean the kid is having a hard time, nonsense animal noises may mean she's happy)

-They understand even if they don't respond (it's good to put educational videos on for them so they can learn to read as a communication device, especially since they can often learn much earlier-and if you ask direct questions you may get an answer with their own communication system)

-The sensory issues are HUGE and we as NTs cannot possibly understand. They may be TORTURED by a small sound or movement and this could make them scream or hit themselves or whatever. They may also be in terrible pain from clothes.

-Social skills develop for all people, just at different rates. Social skills are also an art, and are different for different people. We can expect them to be more different for people on the spectrum because they do not tend to develop social skills as fast as neurotypical people, but they will still work it out one way or another, even if they don't become a jetsetting socialite.

-PLEASE talk to some autistic adults about their life experiences. I would urge every parent to do this. They can tell you what their parents did that helped them. It may be things you never thought of, or maybe things you're already doing that are more helpful than you knew.

VAGradstudent, I don't think anyone is misunderstanding you, but I do think you should consider the way you present your message. As a sociology grad student, it shouldn't be very difficult for you to understand why your initial post could raise the hackles of parents with kids on the spectrum (both those who are NT and those of us who are NOT). I, personally, object to you saying that your brother is "normal" "now." My kids are, and always have been "normal." They are just different. The opposite of "normal" is "abnormal," and very rarely is "abnormal" a good thing. You must also remember that just because your brother did great with no interventions, that does not mean the same is true for everyone, and I have met many adults on the spectrum who wish they could have had more help when they were a child. Do not misinterpret neurodiversity to mean that people with deficits should simply be left alone to be as they are. That is ridiculous. If my child was born blind or deaf, I would not have simply treated him or her as if they were "normal" and expected them to be able to survive in the world. I would have figured out how to help them succeed and chances are that would have involved interventions that "normal" kids do not have to go through. Neurodiversity says that there are many different ways to be "right," and the normative way is not the only way. It does not state that people should not be helped, though there are radical proponents of neurodiversity who would state that any attempt to help ameliorate an autist's deficits is wrong if the goal is to help them "pass." I happen to believe that belief is not in the best interests of many people, myself included.

FWIW, both of my kids "pass" but it is not because they were just left to their own devices to flounder about in the world. It is through countless hours of support and assistance, both from professionals and me (who could probably be considered at least semi-professional as I have a background in psychology and learning). Their way of functioning in the world, no matter how closely it approximates typical, will never be the same way as their peers. The things that come naturally to their peers, my kids will always come by cognitively.

But, back to the OP, your daughter sounds an awful lot like mine at that age.

• She only says about 50 words and usually does not use them but on occasion. My daugther probably had about 50 words at that age, and she started ST at about 20 months.
• She growls, screams, grunts and squeals when being greeted or when asked a question. Yes. My daughter had numerous very primitive sounding vocalizations. We wondered if she was HOH or MR.
• will flap her hands then clap. This is a newer behavior. She also holds her hands over her ears and does a lot of hand motions near her face. my daugther used to be a regular flapper. She also put her hands over her ears, but I think it was because she liked altering the way things sounded, not because things were too loud.
• She does not understand anything we say to her. My daughter also had a receptive delay, and no, it wasn't just that she wasn't responding. She didn't understand. When we would give her a command like "Bring me your puppy." She would look at us, look around, and turn off the light.
• She does not hug and kiss us often, only if it is part of a routine like getting ready for bed or goodbye. She does not like to be held unless it is on her terms. My daughter still does not like to be kissed and states she will only get married if the guy promises to never kiss her! LOL!
• She does not respond to her name very often. Nor did mine
• Can not follow simple directions or follow through with many things. Yes
• Toe Walking and running. Yes. Still.
• Doesn’t feel pain Yes.
• Does not eat much. She loves fruit, but will not always eat a regular meal…and will just push the plate away or have a crying fit. Yes. Still has a restricted diet and is simply a little weird when it comes to food. Food cannot touch each other. She must have a separate utensil for each thing on her plate. Very sensitive to textures and smells. Can like the taste of something, but if the texture is wrong or she doesn't like the smell, she gags.

The Full Circle eval sounds like what my daughter had. I think if only one person would have evaluated her, she may have been passed by, but when each person evaluated her and they looked at the big picture, they diagnosed her with autism.

She is doing really well now. Fully mainstreamed and doing well in school. Granted, she still has issues, but all in all, I would characterize it as "not that bad." So please keep hope.

@VAGradstudent - Inthistogether and others have been very clear in their posts so I will not comment too much. I really think you need to sit down and look at how you post things and see through a parents eyes.

@InThisTogether - Thank you so much, It is very helpful to hear about children like my daughter and that they are doing good in school and such. This forum has helped be to talk more to my family about everything and show them what getting help will do for her and her future.

I have a hard time keeping clothes on her, she loves to run around in a diaper, thankfully she keeps the pull up on...lol the funny thing is she does not like to take a nap with out pjs.

We have a two hour interview on Wed. for in home therapies and I just sent back paper work for a full circle evaluation so we are on our way