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angelbear
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13 Aug 2010, 3:25 pm

Many of you might recall that my 5 yr. old son has verbal stimming as his main stim. Well, he has now added a couple of new noises to his repertoire that are driving us crazy. One is gurgling like a baby, and the other one is a grunting noise. He has full control over these noises because he is able to not do them when we go out in public if he is offered a reward for not doing them. Have any of you encountered this?

Please help! It would not frustrate me so much if my son was non-verbal. But he is fully verbal and is speaking in full sentences. He is highly verbal although he does have some receptive language deficits.



Bombaloo
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13 Aug 2010, 3:51 pm

Our 4 yo has grunted on and off but it was mostly in response to being told something he didn't want to hear or being touched. In this case we worked on using his words telling him that the grunting was rude and we didn't understand it. When he used his words instead of grunting we gave him lots of praise. He hasn't been doing that much anymore.

Now he makes a clicking noise in his mouth just as a random activity, sounds like this is more like what you are talking about. I think its a phase and he'll move on to something else soon so I haven't let it bother me. When other people have commented on it, I just say "that's his latest thing!"



Willard
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13 Aug 2010, 4:05 pm

:D I drove my family crazy with fart noises until I was probably 14 or so. I only stopped doing it then because I realized it couldn't be passed off as a silly kid thing anymore. :oops:



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13 Aug 2010, 4:56 pm

I still make fart noises.

I still am a "silly kid" but I don't
care what passes off or not.l

I do better regulating these things than
I used to be.


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13 Aug 2010, 6:23 pm

It seems that your son has made some progress. :)


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angelbear
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13 Aug 2010, 7:09 pm

He is making good progress, but it seems as though even when he takes a couple of steps forward, he takes a step backwards. I guess this is typical and I should be grateful. I guess we will just have to get earplugs!



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13 Aug 2010, 9:08 pm

I remember when my son learned to arm fart. He was so proud. I hated to tell him he couldn't enter the school talent contest with it.



Tracker
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13 Aug 2010, 9:08 pm

Well, he can stim if he wants to, nothing wrong with that. But if his stim is especially annoying, then I don't think it is reasonable to ask him to do it someplace that isn't bothering you. There's no reason that he has to gargle when your watching TV. He can always save it till he is in his room. After all, part of learning to respect other people involves avoiding things which are annoying, even if they are not intentionally so.

So, yeah, hurray for gargling, just not while your trying to watch TV.


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DW_a_mom
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14 Aug 2010, 10:31 am

I assume you meant <un> reasonable there?


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angelbear
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14 Aug 2010, 12:06 pm

Yes, I thought he meant "unreasonable" too! Anyway, thanks Tracker. We are working on him understanding that it is very annoying. I really don't watch TV, so it is not really that, it is just the sheer sound of the noises is driving me and my husband crazy. I think sometimes he is doing it to get attention, although he gets plenty already. I have tried taking priviliges away, but then I wonder is this something he can't control. The other day though, I said I was taking him to a place to eat that he likes. I told him that if he started making the noises, that we would have to leave. He said "ok" and guess what? He didn't make the noises. So I don't think it is a tic.

Now, I want to work on him going into his room if he must do these noises. The problem is, his room is upstairs, and he is too big now for me to physically drag him up the stairs, and he won't go on his own. So, I am wondering if I should just quietly leave the room and stay in another room while he is doing the noises?

Bottom line is that I am not sure if this is a behavioral issue that should be treated with discipline, or is this something that he just really cannot help.



Tracker
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14 Aug 2010, 2:36 pm

Yes, I meant 'unreasonable'.

Anyways, your child is indeed capable of postponing stimming, but not indefinitely. It is like asking somebody to hold their breath. They can hold their breath if they want to, but it is only a matter of time before they need to start breathing again. Your child can always stop stimming, but the longer they go without stimming, the more they feel the need to stim.

So, can he help it? Yes.

Is it reasonable to expect him to stop doing it? No.

Your best bet is simply to teach him when and where which stims are appropriate. That way he can stim, but in a way which doesn't inconvenience other people.

If you haven't check out my other thread, I recently finished and released my book. It has a chapter in there about stimming, and also another chapter in there about working on 'problematic behaviors'. If you have the time, I would recommend reading the book, and seeing if it helps you out.


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DW_a_mom
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14 Aug 2010, 3:23 pm

I agree with Tracker. There is something in-between "something he cannot control" and a discipline issue. Many of these behaviors seem to meet a real need for our kids, and suppressing them completely will lead to increased meltdowns and other issues. But our kids can learn to control them enough to limit their use to a semi-acceptable time and place. My son is not always aware when he does one of the less desirable stims in public, but a simple and gentle reminder will get him to pull it in (we teach his teachers to do the same). You can do the same thing with the noise, once you've decided when and where it is allowed. Just try to keep as much of home as free as possible; our kids need that.

Do make sure he understands why you want him to control it. That will increase his acceptance of the limitations and guidance.


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angelbear
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14 Aug 2010, 5:15 pm

Thanks Tracker and DW. Tracker, I will look at the book when I have time. I read the intro, and it looks like good information.