Addicted to TV

Post Reply New Topic

My (14 yr old) daughter is addicted to the TV, like her whole body will shut down if she doesn't get her TV fix. It's like crack to her. She can ask to watch something and be turned down and she'll be back 5 times in the next 20 min to ask again and has no clue she's already asked... and will be turned to tears when we say no. Then the times we say yes, she can't take her focus off the TV for 10 seconds, she can't hear us or see us when it's on.. even if it's an infomercial for dentures.

Any ideas or suggestions?

Have you set limits on her in the past?

My oldest son would be on a computer all. day. long. - but I put limits on him. (He's 9 - and mostly like HFA, but we don't have a diagnosis - on him. We do have one for his younger brother, who's 5.)

Anyhow... computer time....

It's a privilege he gets when he's completed his chores first. Then he gets uninterrupted time (barring emergencies, of course.)

I set an egg timer to go off in an hour (or whatever time we've agreed on that day - depending on his attitude) - and when it "BINGS" - he's to get off the computer, or I pull the plug. The egg timer gets to be the "bad guy" in this case.

Hope that helps.

Definitely set limits! My mother did not, and I would come home from school at lunchtime, and watch tv until I was late getting back. I would get up at night and watch old movies until dawn.

TV is a cop out. Don't let her watch it.

My son is 13 and we've found that everything can be negotiated. We do allow him to be on the computer more than probably is good for him but he enjoys it so we say you can be on the computer today but here's what's also going to happen - you need to either go for a walk with us and the dogs or ride the exercise bike for 20 min. -that's not optional -he has to do something physical. We don't make him do things he's not cut out to do....he's not a sports kid at all but we think it's important for him to get a little fresh air or even a minimal amount of movement everyday. We moved about 6 months ago and the backyard has a very old,heavy, metal swingset with 2 swings.....OK a 13 year old swinging?! but he will happily swing nonstop for 20 min. -he's moving and not on the computer so I don't care. Funny he didn't really like swings as a small child but now he does......

We also do "electronic free" days - last Sunday- no one could go online, play nintendo, go on the Blackberry ( my husbands addiction due to his job) or use anything electronic. It was surprisingly easy to spend the day without it. My son, given the choice, would be online all day -breaking only for food and bathroom breaks. I know it's not healthy so we don't allow it and he almost seems grateful that we have pulled him out of the (his term) "vortex of distraction" (the internet).

This is the part I find interesting, and that has me wondering if she is using this like a self-calming stim. My NT daughter does that, and it can be really effective.

I've also heard stories from some on these boards where the TV got tied into one of their Aspie obsessions, and it would really stress them out if they couldn't watch program X at time Y. In a way an NT parent can never relate to; it was a major thing. And from everything I've learned since my diagnosis, AS obsessions usually represent needs, not wants, so trying to cut them off is likely to backfire.

However.

TV can definitely be overdone, and finding the right balance is difficult. What you are looking for is that fuzzy line that means the TV time is not calming her, but actually agitating her or otherwise causing undesirable results. Too much TV and my daughter gets irritable, doesn't sleep well, and starts to withdraw from the family.

I think your daughter is old enough to be involved in setting some guidelines. Ask her what drives her to want the TV on, and plan to really listen to her answers, even if they make no sense to you (in my experience, my son's explanations often make no sense to me, but they are very real and he knows himself incredibly well.) Never throw out an explanation your child gives you because to your experience it's silly or illogical. From there, suggest some guidelines and see what she feels OK with. If there are certain programs she wants, agree to a limited number of set programs you will help schedule things around. If sometimes she just needs the TV to self-calm, agree that in those cases a set amount of time should do the job, and that it is unlikely she'll need it for that reason more than x times a day or week (you should be able to see in her eyes and movements if she is having a difficult day and needs to exceed those limits). Write it all down, and be consistent in applying the guidelines so that she integrates they are logical, real, and consistent. If you've said she gets to watch a program at certain times, you will need to give her lots of warning if something is going to interfere. And so on.

You may also want to get a handle on how much of this is boredom default; just what thinks of when she doesn't know what to do. Once fixed on a solution, she isn't going to be easily diverted. But if you can get her onto different solutions before her mind jumps to "TV," you've got a chance. Remember that AS kids don't do well with an empty slate and a million things they "might" do but no thought on what they want to do; you'll want her to develop handy default options that are satisfying to her and acceptable to you. When she wants TV during a time you've agreed is a "no," stepping away from your activity to do something enjoyable with her ought to help ease her mind off the TV.

I agree with DenvrDave on almost everything, except this one area. TV isn't always a bad thing. My SIL was appalled at us setting our daughter up with a video when she got really upset, and I heard endless lectures about it. A few years later, my SIL was doing the EXACT SAME THING with her youngest child, and telling me "it's an educational video." Um, right. The reality is, sometimes you do what you know works. But, TV is an addictive item - just as the computer is - and you have to be careful about that fuzzy line I described earlier. You want to keep the use within effective parameters, and not allow it to insidiously expand beyond them - a limitation that is difficult to keep in place, which is why people tend to just throw the whole appliance out.

It sounds to me as though your daughter is overwhelmed and needs some time to relax and unwind. And the TV allows her to do that. If you want to try some other method of letting her relax and unwind (such as drawing, or some other hobby she enjoys) then that would also work. But simply trying to get her to relax and unwind less is a bad idea.

I read in your other thread that you are new to the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, and you are trying to figure out how to deal with your daughter. If you have the time, I would recommend reading my book. It is free, and has been getting lots of good reviews. If you want more info, then check out the other thread on this forum:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt134843.html

Or just click on the link in my signature.

Oh our TV time is very controlled (ok well not VERY) but we have rules and certain programs we can and can't watch and certain times the TV is never allowed on. It also can't be turned on without permission. She just seems to have no control when it comes to the idiot box. She knows her chores have to be done, she knows, for example, we NEVER watch TV from morning through afternoon on Sunday. The TV isn't turned on on Sunday until it's time for the news... yet she spent all day asking to watch TV. I'm ready to get rid of the dang thing (and we only have the 1 TV in the house)

She has lots of other things she can do and does. She has her own room and spends a LOT of time reading (? not sure how much she's understanding though) and she loves to draw and does so, often.

My daughter is also "addicted" to the tv in a way. she has certain shows she begs and begs to watch and then she'll watch them over and over and just "veg out". I had to make a schedule and schedule TV time. Now with a 14 yo that might be harder (my daughter is only 7) but my daughter responded pretty positively with a schedule of when exactly she can watch tv. Now that she knows she will have the set amount, she doesn't beg (as much).

I don't like the fact that my daughter LOVES to watch tv (less than a year ago she NEVER watched any tv at all) and I can definitely tell she's somewhat self-medicating with it (zoning out to it to get away from anxiety and stress) but I suppose there could be worse things.

I agree with someone elses suggestion that your daughter is old enough to be involved in this situation. Could you sit down with her and tell her your concerns, tell her that it is not acceptable to pester you all day when she knows she can't watch TV and maybe you all can come up with a specific schedule so she knows to look forward to TV? It sort of seems like when a sugar "addict" (like myself) tries to give up sugar cold turkey all I think about it sugar, when can I have some, etc...

Wild speculation here but maybe if your daughter is reassured by you that TV is OK sometimes and is not really the "idiot box" as you describe it she won't be so frantic to watch it? Are there too many rules involving the TV? Maybe you could try to give her some responsibility rather than forbidding her from turning it on - at age 14 maybe she's ready to learn self control?

This will improve the quality of your lives. You won't regret it.

If someone is asking over and over to watch TV, there is some reason for it, even if that reason is an automatic, "I'm bored" substitute. Given that AS children often don't know how to say what they mean in a way that you understand, if you are seeing a situation like this, it is a really important time to sit down with her and get her to tell you what is going on in her head. If you make a unilateral decision and throw the thing out without understanding her reasons, you have a chance that she will completely misunderstand your decision and take it in a way that will negatively impact her and her relationship to the family. Take the step of asking her to explain what drives her to make the repeated requests, and rephrase, re-ask until you get something more meaningful than "I don't know." Then involve her in the decision as to what to do about it; this is really important for AS kids, to have some sense of logic and control.

As for the reading level issue, I'm curious as to what type of reading level was tested for. Decoding? Comprehension? Retention? Implied meaning? Reasoning? Sorry, I don't recall all the "official" terms for the concepts. This is really important to know, because many AS kids have issues with specific and limited parts of reading, and education may need to be tailored accordingly. It also may help explain how the issue stayed hidden for so long.

Yeah, I definitely wouldn't get rid of the TV. The fact that she is desperate to use the TV indicates that she needs more down time to relax and zone out then she is getting. Simply getting rid of the TV wont do anything to change that. I really can't fully explain the full rationale in a short forum post, which is why I wrote an entire book about it. So please, if you want to understand why your daughter is so desperate, go check out the book.

(Assuming the TV is in her room.

Take the TV out of her room. At my mom's house there is to TV in my room, but there is at my dad's house. I get no distractions at my mom's house. Chances are, she might get more done and even sleep better. I do.

When I was that age TV was one of my few escapes from my life. I am not saying that your daughter needs to escape from things in her life, but it might be a safe place to her.