questions - son will start testing for autism/asperger's..

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My son, who just turned 18, is just now being set up for testing for autism/asperger's.. We have known he was a 'different egg' (how I describe him) from others since way back when he started kindergarten. It was like a missing but important piece of the puzzle - knew it just didn't 'fit' but couldn't get any answers or help along the way. When his new doctor said in his opinion he 'definitely' has some type of austism/autistic ray/asperger's, etc., I got home, closed the door & cried - relieved that finally someone was going to help us/him.
My 18 yr. old has had very big issues being with people he doesn't know .. never looks anyone in the eyes unless you are 'trusted and he is comfortable with you.' When he was growing up and in school especially, he would 'fade away' in class - never answering questions, never jumping up to get a book or anything he might need when others did.. All his schoolmates would 'answer' for him saying he was 'shy'.. we knew it was much more than shyness. My son is usually pretty quiet (unless he's with the trusted/old reliable/comfy friends/family members).. He speaks slowly and sometimes has difficulty finding words to get his point across. It is 'awkward' for him and if you know him, you can almost how uncomfortable it can be for him. He is a gifted artist.. loves to draw.. loves his beloved computer & his 'games' (role-playing ones).. he eats/sleeps his games.. He does get out with a few buddies of his usually on the weekends but loves to be home or with his family. He has a brother who is 6 yrs younger than him and they get along very well. My 12 yr. old also befriended a little autistic boy at his school (per his teachers) and this child warmed up to my son, 12, almost immediately. I'm assuming because his own brother has the same issues. They can relate very easily. I worry about my 18 yr. old - how he will manage a job, how he will be able to function on his own if something were to happen to his dad & I or his brother. He is also obsessed with stuffed animals and little toys (My Little Pony) to be exact.. loves the colors, the hair, etc. I know that is a little 'odd' but I assume it has something to do with his comfort issues. He loves his pets, too. I would love to hear from anyone who has a child with the same kinds of behaviors. We have felt so alone for so long and finally feel hopeful to have things explained & advice to take on how to get him the help he needs. Thank you.

I certainly don't think it is anything to cry over: he has made it through school just fine, despite some eccentric behaviors.

He sounds like a really nice kid

Therapy would probably be helpful. He is too old for ABA, but there are other approaches that will work for him. Adlarian psychotherapy may work very well.

It will be important to find the areas in which he struggles, or the areas that require attention. It is encouraging that he does have friends he goes out with, so he isn't isolating.

I wouldn't look at something like Asperger's as a "disorder" (although many do). It is a style of life, an inclination, and a general nature: I have a son with it, and I wouldn't change him for the world. He is very comfortable in his own skin.

Welcome lamkins514! I am glad you have found someone who is looking at exploring these things with your son. I can understand your relief at finally having someone acknowledge your concerns and validate them for you! There is nothing like the feeling that you finally have someone in your corner after it feels like no one has listened for years (many years in your case!). Our son is 8.5, we are waiting for further assessment - he was screened (privately) for the spectrum at age 7 and they said he didn't fit. Our pediatrician disagreed and is wanting him re-screened. In the meantime, he is withdrawing and isolating himself more and more at school. For the last two years I have been a force to be reckoned with at his school and they are finallystarting to realize that I might just have a point! I think your worries are natural ones as well, hopefully your doctor will be able to address your concerns and give you some confidence in what your son's future may look like. And of course, there are many parents here who will be able to share their experiences with you as well

cutiecrystalmom

Hi and welcome.
My 21 year old is just now going threw the assessment process. Every one keeps saying "how did he make it to this age?" My response has been because he is a good kid, always been quiet outside the home, faded into the back ground, always done what he was told and he is polite.
Mine doesn't socialize with anyone outside the family unless he is forced to, even then he will insist I attend his appointments until he is comfortable with the new person (it's almost like I have to screen people for him).
My son spends his days watching you tube clips, dvd's and using his pc. His latest interests are taekwondo (he will talk and talk about this surprising interest, my kid is not normally active at all) and his german shepherd. He can tell you all the dogs names at the local dog park approx 100) but he only knows 2 of the owner names. Even the hard to manage dogs at the dog park will do anything my son asks them to do, he has the nick name with a few owners of "Ceaser Millan".
My son fiddles with every thing, every thing usually goes in his mouth (the remote control, pens, etc) He does this all subconsciously.
In some ways he is harder to get threw to than my 12 year old. I think some of this is because my 12 year old was diagnosed much younger and some supports were put in place, my oldest has been left to his own devises (when he was at school any way) so he didn't get the understanding and support and encouragement he should have.
What I did (on some great advice here) was to write/type a long list of everything I could recall about my son, starting from birth; things like when he walked, talked odd behaviors etc etc right up until now. I also asked friends for things they could remember. I also took in a copy of an on line autism/aspie screening quiz. The only other thing the doc asked for was copies of school reports. I think we are at the stage now with his assessment that the doc is collating all the info gathered from interviews with my son and myself and all the paper work provided and then we should get his final verdict.

good luck with it all.

Thank you so very much for your messages. It is comforting to have advice and the warm welcome.. )

I didn't cry for the sake of my son having any autistic issue, etc. just the fact that it was a BIG RELIEF to finally get someone to guide us and agree with what we have been feeling for so very long. My son is a good kid and I wouldn't change him for a minute.. though I just want to be sure to understand if his behaviors are typical for austism ray, etc. and how best to help him. It has been a long 18 yrs. knowing there was something different but no one really helped us or guided us to get answers. All we ever heard was how 'quiet' he is, how he doesn't do this or that or fades in the background, etc. He is a smart kid - he just 'thinks' creatively - out of the box which I'm sure many do.. In school here, someone 'different' gets help but in my opinion, not nearly enough - if they don't think along the mainstream or do things the way 'the other kids do them,' those children get 'left behind' more & more. I agree that there may not be enough money or special teachers to fund that sort of thing but it's a shame to have so many kids 'fall through the cracks' of the system. I am very glad that he does have some social time with some friends. It is difficult for him to get out there & make friends easily .. and yes, I, too, have to go with him for appointments, etc., which is fine. Two weeks ago, was the first time I had ever heard him actually order a meal for himself in a restaurant. My husband almost jumped in to 'speak for him' and I nudged him to be quiet .. It was like a miracle! Honestly.. I was so happy to witness that! I'm sure he has probably done that before out with his friends but never with us so that was a very happy moment for me. )

Anyway, thank you so very much for your posts on here. I look forward to learning more & touching base with others who have been through all this. Thank you again )