RE: Kids w/ Classic Autism, PDD-NOS & Speech Delays

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Hi Caitlin,
I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings as it was certainly not my intention.
I'm not trying to diminish the importance of Aspergers, I also agree with the general view that people will continue using the label even after the formal diagnosis is no longer recognized as separate from HFA.

I think you are clearly wrong that I have made any judgement over your son's dx, that decision is purely between you and the health professional you saw. You are welcome to use the label if it's helpful.

Since my daughter's diagnosis I have been told by my daughter's Psychologist that as my daughters speech improves her diagnosis can be shifted from HFA to Aspergers. I have done some background reading and there are certainly aspects of Aspergers (often typical) that she never had. For instance her fine and gross motor neuron skills are excellent she keeps up physically with her peers, although she has problems with eye contact in public, once she knows somebody she is happy to make direct eye contact, despite language she is very sociable and enjoys crowds. She has no problems with fun fairs, shopping malls and recently we visted San Diego for holiday stayed all night watching a night show with Shamu the killer whale with all types of noises, sound effects and shouting. She has perfect writing and no issue with Dysgraphia. Finally she very very rarely has a meltdown.

All of this leads me to think that the initial label she got was based purely on speech delay, but even this is not secure. She spoke from 10 months old and has an extensive vocabulary. Nowadays she speaks (certainly not equivalent to her peers) but is comfortable with communicating what she needs and what she is planning with us. She is getting better at turn taking and telling us what she did and how she feels.

When the time comes and she speaks more "normally" with us and other people I will not bother getting her re-diagnosed. No offence but I don't plan to give her a lable named after a pre-war psychologist from the 1940's. These things are unhelful. I am more interested in the traits she manifests, how these help or hinder her ability to be independent in this NT world.

Anyone else have someone close to you tell you they don't come around as much anymore because seeing your child depresses them? I got that gem from my own mother who I've always been very close to earlier today when she called to say she wanted to stop by on Mother's Day. I don't think she even realized that was something that I'd already figured out and should have been left unsaid. She's typically very depressed anyway and bringing it back up would only be harmful. Is there such a thing as a non-combative, non-snarky response to that? I just let it go.

My siblings

I had a couple of people including a family member say some godawful things to me after my son was Dxed with Downs. I think sometimes people have their own socially awkward moments when they don't know the right thing to say, or maybe it comes out the wrong way.

Is your son a fairly happy child Washi? Maybe you could talk to your mom about how your son feels about his autism, and maybe it will change her perspective to something a little more positive.. Sometimes I feel sad about my son's situation, and have even had times of anger and resentment that he should have to overcome such difficult obstacles. But I see how happy he is, just the way he is, and I can't stay in that state of sadness or anger for very long.

Maybe if your mom sees that he isn't suffering, but that he's a happy little guy, maybe she can take her cues from him.

My son traits are very chlose to this!. I was wodering if to be "social" is an unusual thing for an autie.
He has an huge problem with language and I realized lately that it's due to a poor understanding. I'm working hard with receptive language. On the contrary he has not motor issues and not meltdowns and he stims only when he's tired. Thank you for sharing...

Yes, he's full of smiles, but when she visits she doesn't see that and doesn't stay long. And she blames herself too as if it were somehow her own fault.

Interesting, thanks Claudia,
Yes my daughter sometimes acts a little irrational like urgently asking for things when she doesn't really want them (i.e. a tissue or I want to go to the park etc) causing her to get cranky when she either over-tired or overly hungry.

Bump my thread
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt156834.html
Its one of the little things that bugs me

Sometimes I call what my son does in his nappie a Poonami

Does anyone else say things out loud to their kids purely for the benefit of other people, i.e. appearances? My wife and I both realised we do this in public and around some people we know. An example was James ran off in the mall into a shop and out the back, I was jogging after him past the slightly startled shopkeeper saying 'Oh no, James you know your not supposed to go there'. Of course James doesn't know what I'm saying so its entirely for the shopkeepers benefit. Kind of a just a coping way I guess in lieue of explaining they have Autism. Kind of funny because its essentially monologuing!

Also another thing, we are in a local ASD group, and the other kids in it (bar one or two I have only seen once) are basically Aspies, I notice some of the other parents are hyper vigilant while around their kids in public places and are tense like sprung cats ready to head off disaster. Their kids will do something they are not supposed to or even look like they are going to do something and loud and heated warnings of dire consequences come out immediately.
Just something I've noticed and wondered if thats the best style of parenting (really I have no idea) for some of these kids. I've seen a couple of cases of lightening fast chip or muffin thefts produced by some of them so I guess you must have to be on your toes!

Guilty as charged. I often think I do this to give the appearance we are disciplining our child. I'm less inclined to do this now.

I haven't run into that issue yet, because my son refuses to walk in public places, so we still use a stroller or he rides in the shopping cart. This is a real pain in the butt sometimes, but after reading your posts, I'm beginning to rethink my situation.

I've been calling those Atomic Poops.

That's exactly how I am. I find I do a lot of talking to narrate my son's actions, I figure my son understands more than he lets on ... However, whenever I'm out and a stranger starts telling me how wonderful they think my son is (he is a cutie) and they start asking him questions and they get gibberish responses I just say he's autistic, and then they invariably look at me like I've just punched them in the face or something. Then they figure I'm wrong and ask how old he is, when they realize he's older than he looks they just look sad.

I had to stop my daughter from riding in shopping trolleys as she was becoming too big.

My best estimate is that my son will be too big for the cart within the next year, so the public walking problem is going to have to be addressed in that time frame. He's already too big for me to carry comfortably.