Child Having a Boyfriend and Girlfriend

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I meant what parents do when their son or daughter have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

My daughter has had both.
What would you like to know?

Why is that parents find out their son or daughter having their first boyfriend or girlfriend?

Their child being in a relationship.

What about their child being in a relationship?

Well. It’s their first one.

I'm not sure if I'm understanding your question or not. If I'm way off base here, I apologize in advance.

The way I'm understanding this is that you're asking how you (a parent) found out about their child's first relationship, and what you did about it.

I have four children. My oldest three each told me about their first relationships because they were excited about them. In each of those cases, those children had been interested in their boyfriend/girlfriend before and had mentioned that as well. When they were finally 'asked out' or their love interest 'said yes', they were really happy about it and wanted to share the good news. I heard all about it, and several more relationships over the years. With my youngest, she is more private and tends to not say much about who she is interested in or dating...you find out about that stuff later in a very nonchalant kind of way...sometimes through a nosy sibling who is stalking her facebook page or tiktoc or something

I tried my best to be excited with my kids because this first was clearly a big deal to each of them. I let them know I was happy for them and made it clear that I was interested in their thoughts and the events leading up to it. I tried to ask questions that would give them room to talk more about it because it was so important to each of them. It was a huge deal to them, so yeah, I wanted to match that excitement best I could and try to keep the 'yay' rolling. That's a cool first.

Tldr.. They told me. I listened and asked questions while being happy about how happy they were.

Okay. What ideas should parents should do to spend time with their child’s significant other?

Some teens are willing to bring their significant others into settings or activities with their parents; some aren't. If they are willing, I've been mostly a "go with the flow" parent. We do the same activities with a guest as we do with our own family. Pull up an extra chair and table setting for a family dinner. Have a game night. Have a movie night. Invite them for parties, etc if my child wants to. Or just chat and get to know them a little bit.

I believe its really important for kids to know what your rules and expectations are for dating BEFORE they start dating. Once they are dating, you can simply remind them to follow the rules, without having to say anything embarrassing in front of the significant other.

My son waited for me to guess when he had his first girlfriend, but its because of a joke I used to make about his interest in his personal hygiene ... which was about zero. I assumed that once he was dating he would pay far more attention to his personal hygiene, and that would be how we would know he was building relationships. He figured since I was soooo sure I would be able to tell, he was going to wait for me to figure it out. He told my husband, and they BOTH thought it was funny to keep it from me. Anyway. I did figure it out, but not because of any change in hygiene. More that the young man can't keep a straight face while holding information back.

We try to support our kids' choices without questions or feedback. My son is fully grown now, but his first girlfriends was at around 15. We've liked my son's girlfriends, but haven't always been sure they were the best fit for the long haul. The later we keep to ourselves; it isn't our decision to make. Instead, we help with actionable advice when rocky patches come (only if they want the help). It takes people time to learn how to be a good partner, and how to help their partner be a good one as well. Helping your kids through a breakup is not fun, but its pretty much inevitable you will have to.

^ Yep. I have two that were all about bringing their love interests over to hang out. We'd do the same kinds of things...dinner as usual, a game, kicking back and relaxing in the living room, whatever. It was good. It never seemed staged, awkward, or weird, because it was just another person who mattered at our table, in our space. My family is like that, if you are one of our people's people, you're one of us so come on in and make yourself at home. Help yourself to what's in our cupboards and grab a blanket, pop a squat, get comfy and stay awhile. We're an odd, but mellow bunch on the whole.

I also have two who would've been mortified to do that and they still kind of are to this day despite being grown.

If they know what is expected, what is and isn't okay..if they have good judgement and self respect, it shouldn't be a huge concern if you don't get to meet the love interest right away. I tried to respect my kids and follow their leads. None of them have given me reason to trust them, so that's fine by me. I know it's a them being nervous situation and I do my best to respect that and let them move at their own speed with this kind of stuff. I think most important is that they know you love them, trust them, and have their backs no matter what.

Yeah, just have them come over and whatever is whatever. Do what you normally do and have them be a part of it. That's what family is, yeah? And even if the partner is temporary, in those moments, they are like family.

So. Why would parents would gave their child’s boyfriend or girlfriend a gift?

Is it not obvious?  They like the boyfriend/girlfriend.

Is it different with daughters? Should daughters' boyfriends be treated with more suspicious than a sons' girlfriend? Or should I treat sons' and daughters' relationships in the same way?

I don't really want to be over protective of my daughter and scare away all her boyfriends. But I feel like I'm expected to.

Could it be that our culture has tried to imprison both me and my daughter into prescribed roles? The social expectation that she be chaste and the social expectation that I be possessive and scary towards any boys she brings home. I'm not sure that I want that. But am I suppose to that?

Yeah, that weird stereotype thing where a dad is supposed to be doing something like cleaning his gun when the new boyfriend comes around for the first time. I imagine if someone did that to any of my daughters, they would have been mortified. But yeah, people do think like that sometimes. I've heard a few men speak that way over the years, that they would do that if they ever have a daughter. I've never known any dad's who actually ever did that though.

I've asked a s few of those men why they felt that way, like they needed to be all aggressive or threatening or whatever to their daughter's dates. The most common response was a sense of feeling protective of their daughters. To that, I felt compelled to ask what they were protecting them from? Most common response to that was something along the lines of 'I know how boys/men think'. Me; 'oh, how do they think?' Them; 'They all just want one thing'. Me; 'Now I'm worried about your psychology.'.

I never treated any of the boys/men who were dating any of my kids any differently than I treated the girls/women any of my kids were involved with. But I do trust the judgement of my daughters. I don't think they need me or anyone else to be menacing to some potential boyfriend because they are so fragile, unaware, whatever, that they'd end up with some a**hat who is only out to use them. I know they can handle themselves should some guy get out of line. My oldest daughter once discovered her bf was cheating on her...she got home, picked him up out of their bed and threw him naked into the hallway of her apartment, locking him out over that. That's how she broke up with him. With my girls, I think their partners need to be more concerned about pissing them off than any of their parents.

So. Why would a mom dislike her daughter in law only to like her again because she’s rich?

Because the mother-in-law is superficial and greedy?