son confused about his sexuality

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My 14 yr. old son is so confused about his sexuality. Has anyone else had this experience? Please help! He is confused about his orientation. He also has weird fetishes!

Well, if I'm right puberty is the time to test and to explore your own self, your own body and to find your own direction in life. Just back off and let him try and test things. Boys grow up, they become young men and need more independence. They need to detach from their mother in order to grow. So give him free step for step.
I can only say, just don't control him. Give him space and time for being with himself. It's on him to find his sexual direction in life; you can't press him in the direction you want him to be. You should more to try to give him a feeling that whatever he chooses he is welcome and loved.
Are this fetishes are really that weird as you said it or do you only think they are weird because they don't fit in your way of thinking of what is right or what is wrong?

Is there a gay-straight alliance in his school? Or could you find him a support group for teens questioning their sexuality? It can really help to have someone who understands what you're going through, and I've also found that gays tend to be more autistic-friendly (they see the importance of accepting differences).

My son is simply shoving the concept of sexuality into some backwater of his head, because he thinks it makes kids his age nuts, so I cannot say we're having exactly the same experience as you are, but I will note the following:

First, that you know what he is going through is wonderful. Keep that door open by remaining accepting and non-judgmental, and I think you will be doing super well as a parent. It is normal for teens to cut us off with respect to the issues, so you're already ahead of the game in my book.

Second, reading these boards over the years has given me the impression that it is not uncommon for people with AS to also be in interesting places on the spectrum of sexuality. Make sure he knows that orientation does not have to be an either / or thing: it is a spectrum, just like most human traits. You can be 90/10, 50/50, and off on a side. Also, it's perfectly normal for kids his age to "try on" different sexualities in their minds, and sometimes in practice; he shouldn't feel that his desires today have to set up his lifestyle for his entire adult life (they may or they may not) or that being confused is unusual (just because other kids deny it, doesn't mean they don't feel it). I think realizing it's OK to channel through a whole variety takes a little pressure off; it doesn't have to be sorted out today (although he may get stuck for the four years of high school with one image just because in high school kids can be awfully quick to write your story for you, but once you've left high school, you can leave that, too).

Finally, you don't say if his fetishes are upsetting him. Some are harmless, but it is when they get over powering, taking over one's thoughts in a way that bothers the person, that they become of concern. I've read some weird fetishes on these boards, and most don't seem to be an issue for the people involved; as long as they can keep them in their place, that's all it is: a weird fetish, and you are careful who you talk to about it. But if he can't control the thoughts, it might be a sign of depression, and that is another matter. If they have that sort of power for him, he will probably want to talk to a professional about it. IMHO, anyway.

Frankly. the idea of a "gay straight alliance" is dumb. It implies that he is either homosexual, or should accept it. So DON'T do that. At his age, there was NO doubt with me. I imagine that almost any straight male will get exited even thinking about females, etc... I won't be too explicit there. I even had to watch what I read when reading books at the book store. I didn't want to get excited THERE. And if he isn't getting exited about other males, let him know he probably isn't homosexual. As for fetishes, WHO KNOWS? I've heard of some weird ones. Many probably don't mean that he is homosexual. Sigmund Freud once said that if females preferred things a certain way that they were envious of males, etc... If true, maybe over 80% of women feel that way. I know that isn't true, but it shows how people can come to some bad conclusions. His body should know its orientation and if he pays attention it should be clear to him.

Give him the talk about safety in his choices; the physical, medical, and emotional issues related to sexuality, and a suggestion that he consider strongly the probable outcomes of any sexual activities he might consider, before engaging in them. Tell him you trust him to be mature and reasonable about things, and that you are there and open if he ever has a bad experience or questions. Somewhere in there tell him that sexuality and sexual activities can be some of the best experiences in his life - if handled right.

Also suggest there's no harm in waiting to get involved in it, until it feels right to do so.

Just my two cents.

my 14 yo told me this past fall that he thinks he is bi. not a big surprise for us, since we have suspected for a very long time that he may not be typical in that regard.

the most important thing to me was that he understands that:
- we love him regardless
- this is not something he has to determine right now
- he will be fine no matter what his orientation
- he can always talk to us about it
- we will find him someone neutral to talk to if he wants to

i also spoke to him about disclosure. he had already started telling people at school that he thought he was bi, and that was a bit alarming to me because of the backlash he could get from it. he is a socially awkward overweight nerdy kid, he has enough issues going on that he doesnt need to add more. i asked him to not disclose until he has really thought it through and is sure.

i also encouraged him to consider talking to his aunt who is a lesbian. she is much more equipped than i am to talk about what he is going through and being able to relate to it. if you have someone your child can talk to who has been through this confusing self evaluation, it could be very beneficial.

From a person with aspies point of view love is love and the social norms which NT try to apply does not exist. It makes no difference if the person is male or female, black or white, these are social constraints which NT have to deal with, people with aspies do not have these social constraints. So back off and leave him alone otherwise your force him to choose a label 'bi' 'gay' or whatever, when this label thing is your invention not ours.

Saying that I noted you said 'He also has weird fetishes'. If this a typo do you mean weird fantasies? this is normal. (in a recent study on sex they could not find a 'normal' sexual act). However, if you do mean fetishes this can be dangerous, and if the fetish is taking over his life (so he cant do anything else) i would advise he talks to someone (a therapist, counselor) about this.