Counsellor who is on the spectrum

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I have a 24 year old aspie daughter. I wish to know if there is any counsellor in the London area who themselves are on the spectrum and have successfully coped with the problems of being an aspie. Would also like to know if there are any successful aspies in the engineering/technology/investment banking professions who can do some online/face to face mentoring for my daughter? She has an Oxford degree in English, but has no idea what to do in her life. She has too many interests and she finds it difficult to prioritize. She is pretty low in confidence and has too many regrets. She alternately blames herself or parents for all her failures. Even what appears like success to other people like getting a 2.1 degree from Oxford and a 2.1 in Graduate Diploma in Law, are worthless in her opinion. She feels that she has no skills and cannot decide on what to do. She has been at home for the past year and half. She has been teaching herself physics and engineering using free online resources and has also done an Intro to Artificial Intelligence course from Stanford. 2-3 hours are spent everyday going over/discussing every regret and lost opportunity in her university life. She has fine talent for art but there too she feels that she does not have enough skill. I I wish someone would advise me how to help her.

Has she come to Wrong Planet? Is she already being treated for depression?

She does not want to associate with aspies or auties because she sees most of them as failures. She is very sympathetic to aspies/auties but she thinks by associating with such people, she would learn to accept failure. Although she is low on self esteem on the one hand, she thinks she has to do something really wonderful with her life. Her attitude is everything or nothing. She is not willing to make any compromises. She does not believe in taking allopathic medicines. She has hated going to a doctor right from childhood. She is seeing a private counsellor at the moment and seems to like her. Initially it was for one day a week but she herself requested to go twice. She would never consent to seeing a doctor. Most doctors (GPs) around here seem totally unsympathetic. They think that all she has to do is pull herself up and get on with things. Immediately when they know that she has a degree, they say 'if you can do that, you don't have a problem'.

My son used to see a psychiatrist who is an aspie. Unfortunately, the communication challenges made it difficult for him to hear our perspective rather than seeing our experiences through his experiences. While I think it would be great for your daughter to see a successful aspie as a role model, I'm not sure that it woul actually translate to much beyond, someone was able to be successful.

I agree she sounds depressed. Have her research the biochemestry associated and figure out how to treat it. If she doesn't like doctors, it sounds like she is smart enough to assess herself and see what needs to be done. If she won't do the necessary steps, then push her on how did she come to that conclusion (from an analytical perspective).

Please also reinforce that the path to success is paved with failures. The people who have made the big contributions tried lots of stuff, lots of times and failed before succeeding. I don't think anyone gets a pass to skip that part. It's important.

In the end, as hard as it may be to swallow, she is an adult. There's not much you can do to make her do anything at all. I don't know if you could do this...it would be hard on me to do something like this, but I would if I had to. Please see the next statements as what she is manifesting, but not seeing. It isn't the truth by a long shot. Apparently she has an intellectual form of body dysmorphic disorder.

By not taking risks, she is already accepting failure. Perfection is an unrealistic goal. Perfection is a process that actually has to begin in order to succeed. She may need a big kick in the butt to start trying. I basically had to do that with my eldest son.

I am pretty sure our first counselor post-diagnisis was an Aspie, though she didn't acknowledge it - and I agree, it doesn't necessarily help the way one would think it should; we are having much better success with our clearly NT counselor. What did help was having our son attend social skills classes with other Aspies of a similar functioning level; perhaps you can find a therapy group.

If she doesn't have a job and is living in your home rent-free, then I suggest that SylviaLynn is right. You may want to consider asking for some specific forward motion in her life in return for rent (for instance, exploring supports for people with autism, whether that be group therapy, joining online forums, or whatever you can find that seems reasonable.)

I'd also suggest looking for blogs or books by aspies; there are hundreds of them out there. Psychology Today has several good blogs; I'd also recommend the book Look Me In The Eye.

What sort of 'mentoring' are you looking for?

Does your daughter want to talk with other autistic people in engineering? Is she actively trying to deal with her situation, and is looking for help, or is this more your idea? I ask because I am not sure what benefit it will be to have a discussion with your daughter if she isn't willing to accept her situation, let alone deal with it. I guess I am asking for more info as to what your daughter is looking for, and what you are trying to accomplish.

You might want to let her know that we have members who are successful and renown inventors, members who are - literally - rocket scientists, several neuroscientists, successful authors, popular artists, and more. Basically, it would take a lot of creative and overly depressed thinking to call our full membership "failures." Sure, some people with AS have a very difficult time of it, and trouble finding their way, and those members often have the most time to post, so a light reader might get a distorted picture. But that is hardly true for everyone, and she could find some inspiration in the large numbers of our members who are quite successful.

Yes my daughter is trying very hard to sort her problems. Only in the last year after her diagnosis am I also giving her the kind of support that she needs. Previously I used to think she was stubborn and perverse. She is seeing a counselor now. Just started recently. It took her a year after diagnosis to actually consider counseling. In some sense I think she is afraid to access such websites because that too is a unfamiliar. It takes time for her to try new things without getting tensed up. But she does not seem to know what to do. She harps a lot on the past. There is a mixture of fear, anger and guilt. What is aggravating her situation is that her sisters are a top university doing engineering and have many successes which puts too much pressure on her. She loves her sisters but at the same time cannot help feeling jealous.

Yes she would like to find out if there are any members here who are on the spectrum but from OXbridge as she is from Oxford herself.

Something I've noticed is that many Aspies need a little extra time to get where they are going, but they DO get there. I think that letting your daughter know this might take some of the stress off from trying to compete with her sisters; life isn't a race, but a journey, and her journey will give her unique perspectives her sisters will never get to see.