Why is the first emotion always anger?

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My son is 9 and has AS. He has a history of homocide/suicide and self abuse/mutilation. He was hospitalized for the second time in 3 1/2 years just two weeks ago (he came home a week ago) for self abuse/mutilation. The attending physician cut his medication in half and sent him home. His behavior is plummeting very quickly. It's worse than it was before we admited him to the hospital! He's gone from self harm to threatening to harm others. My husband and I dont know how to communicate with him. We know that if we could just get him to understand the ramifications of his actions that he would improve, even if just a small amount, but we're just not able to get through to him. Why is his first emotion, and sometimes only emotion, always anger? It's stressful and abusive behavior toward his little brother, who doesn't understand. What can I do to help my family? There has to be SOMETHING I can do! How do I get through to him? Is it even possible to get him to understand OR does he already understand and he's simply "acting out?"

My daughter has a lot of anger but by no means to the level you describe. Something seems terribly amiss with your son. Was he like this before he was medicated? sometimes the meds they give children can cause these types of behaviors. What does he enjoy? Does he trust anyone? Does he have a bond with anyone? 9 seems far too young to be this deep into these types of behaviors without something else going on...what I am trying to say is there is nothing with regard to autism that would specifically cause these types of behaviors. If it were my son I would try to get him to a baseline in some way, probably by withdrawing any antidepressants slowly (if he is on any), take away any stressors, try to engage him in what he enjoys, and make his environment as peaceful, supportive and caring as possible (and safe). Some intense counseling with an extremely qualified psychologist would also be on my to-do list.

I wish you luck, it must be horrible to be going through this.

my son is no where near the agression yours is...but anger is often my sons first emotion. Say his baby sister is bringing him a toy, he will YELL at her and throw it, instead of politely saying, "No thank you!" If he is thirsty, he will demand water, and if I am too slow, he will yell at me. Again, nothing that you describe, but he is either happy or angry. Nothing inbetween.

I agree with PP, I hope that you can get some help, your son sounds like he is having some terrible issues, he must feel so bad inside.

Anger is one of the most basic emotions. It's one that you feel in the pit of your stomach. Anxiety is also felt in the pit of your stomach. People with ASD (like me) often can't differentiate between different feelings, it creates anxiety, which feels like anger. So we react accordingly. Does that makes sense?

I have read (and it kind of makes sense to me) that all people have a certain home emotion which colors how they interpret the world. This will explain it better than I can:

http://www.do2learn.com/organizationtoo ... otions.htm

With my son it is anxiety, but it just depends on the person. If your son's home emotion is anger, than you have to try to get him to realize that and try to get him to adapt accordingly. Easier said, than done, I know.

We struggle with emotional awareness, because it is hard for my son to figure out how he is feeling. Take my comments accordingly because we have not at all mastered this.

Have the professionals you are dealing with that worked on that or only the meds? If he can become aware of the anger before it builds up too much he can try to self-talk his way to a more manageable level.

Sorry things are so rough.

A history of homocide/suicide? well I kind of doubt your son has murdered anyone, so do you mean thoughts of hurting other people? and for the suicide is that thoughts about it, or actual attempts?

But I am thinking he's feeling misunderstood, frusterated......and not sure how to handle it himself, what he probably needs is someone to try and understand him, it sounds like maybe he has the perspective that no one understands and is in psychological pain. And if this is the case I highly doubt making him understand the 'ramifications of his actions' is really going to address the underlying issues....not to mention depending on his mental state it is very possible he can't even control all these things.

I think maybe that's the thing everyone might be trying so hard to make him understand their perspective and act accordingly...and no ones taking the time to talk to him about he feels, and why he thinks he's feeling that way and what he thinks would help.....I mean have you ever tried talking to him about he feels? rather then just trying to tell him how not to feel and act. I doubt he's simply acting out, sounds like he's really in a lot of pain and needs help.......and I am getting the impression, sorry if I am wrong that maybe he has not been getting the needed help for a very long time for it to have gotten to this point.

How old is he by the way?

There are many of us, especially parents of boys, who deal with something similar.

Maybe it will help if you imagine the world from their point of view: you are communicating in the plainest way you know how, and yet nobody responds or understands you (keep in mind he may feel this way whether or not you're actually responding and understanding, ASD is primarily a communication disorder.) Nobody believes you. Everybody is focused on your "problem behavior" but aren't listening to you. You are like Cassandra of Troy - you know and speak truth but have no power to communicate it. Even when you as parents are doing your best to understand and communicate well, there may be roadblocks on the other side.

Wouldn't you be angry? And that's without the bullying, sensory overstimulation, school issues etc. that most of our kids struggle with. Many of us like the phrase "behavior is communication." When my son was going through the worst of it, we discovered that he was being horribly bullied at school - and, I'll be honest, our parenting methods (we were strict and demanding) were absolutely not helping.

There are a number of threads on violent behavior and language that I collected here under various subheadings: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt166142.html

I am so sorry your family is struggling and your son is in such pain. Take care of yourselves; I hope you find the help you need.

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. I definitely can relate to anger being the first emotion, as it often is in my son. Let's face it, in NTs it often can be too, especially in males, they can show anger when what they really feel might be vulnerability, hurt, confusion, sadness..etc. My son did get scary violent and aggressive when a dr put him on a particular drug. I immediately took him off. Maybe go back to the drawing board with the meds and put a renewed focus on behavioral therapies.

My son showed much more connection and emotional insight when I made a practice of spending one on one time with him daily, where he played and I interacted without giving instruction or criticizing or anything. I complimented him and talked with him etc...

My personal opinion is that youll want to find a doctor you feel a strong connection to. Maybe the meds and the hospitalizations are sort of more of an act of desperation rather than a solution, which is totally understable but may be making him feel worse. If you are in the USA, and near atlanta Georgia, I have a good recommendation for a neuropsychologist that I very much trust and respect. Her name is dr. Ashley Pettoni. If she cannot help, she could point you in a good direction. Good luck!!

My first response to many things is fear, but fear can actually become physically painful, so in defense I'll sometimes become angry or even enraged.
This kind of defense is not unusual or restricted to Aspies or even to the human species. Insecure/frightened dogs are more likely to bite.
Maybe your son is terrified all the time.

As others suggested, my first reaction was also 'frustration/anxiety'.

Does your son have a grasp on basic emotions? I know we needed to teach my daughter which emotions were which - she had no innate understanding of what 'anger', 'happy', 'sad' meant. When she was showing emotion we'd constantly narrate for her - 'you seem so sad', 'you are very angry. Do you know why?' We also narrated throughout her day - at the store, about tv shows - it was just constant running dialog. We did this when she was still very young and now, at nine, she probably has a better grasp on her emotions than other kids her age.

At nine years old, if your son doesn't have this very basic understanding of emotion I can see why the world would be a confusing, scary, threatening place for him.